Why You Should Break Up with a Partner Who Doesn’t Give You Gifts
Gifts are important in the relationship, and no one should be deprived of them.
Everyone has a different dating style. Some of us move fast, while others take their time. Some people focus on enjoying the moment, and there are also those obsessed with planning the future. Certain individuals date for a reason and others prefer not to think about tomorrow. Do you like labels? You might, but a potential match may not. We are all very different people.
The topic of gifting is critical. Due to the “gold-digging” culture, gifting is getting a bad wrap. You may think only shallow people expect recurring gifts, but I believe that every single one of us should receive presents frequently. I would like to explain my view, as well as offer my personal experience.
What Do I Mean by “Gifts”
When I say “gifts”, I absolutely do not mean anything expensive. Everyone has a different perspective of what a gift should be, but I’m against expensive materialistic presents. If you are not — that is fine! We all have different expectations.
I, personally, refuse to accept anything pricey. Truth be told, more than one person made a snarky comment about me having low-self esteem since I reject expensive gifts. You see, the way I look at it, a price tag has nothing to do with my self-esteem or self-worth. If someone presents me with a diamond ring, my self-esteem will not go up. Similarly, if all I get is flowers, it doesn’t mean my self-worth is less compared to the diamond-ring-girl. Gifts don’t represent our importance or worth — it’s merely an act of appreciation and care.
Gifts take many forms, including simple ones. The best gift one may give you is an emotional one: a framed picture of the two of you; a book you mentioned last week, and your partner was caring enough to go and get it; a box of chocolates, that your partner saw while shopping around, and decided to buy for you.
It doesn’t even matter if the gift comes with a price tag at all. If your loved one happens to have access to free items — at work, for example — and they bring something for you — it’s equally amazing. It means they thought of you, saw a gifting opportunity, and made arrangements to grab something to give to you later. Similarly, if you are complaining about a broken vacuum and your loved one brought over an extra one they had at home — it’s a much more valuable gift compared to a diamond ring.
Gifts don’t represent our importance or worth — it’s merely an act of appreciation and care.
Love Language: Gifting and Receiving Presents
The act of giving presents represents one of 5 love languages. All of them are equally important, and gift-giving is no different. Picking something for a loved one shows caring about that individual, and that is priceless in the relationship.
Every one of us shows their love differently, but exercising all love languages is a good idea. Don’t neglect any one of them — that includes gift-giving. Be prepared to receive gifts as well.
Your Partner Never Gives You Anything. What Does it Mean?
It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you, or they aren’t thoughtful. Ideally, gifts should be included in relationships. But maybe, your partner doesn’t think they matter to you? Maybe, you send them a signal indicating this love language isn’t your cup of tea?
I treat people the way I want to be treated. So, when I show my care by gifting someone an item, I indicate how I wish to be treated as well. Therefore, if you never give your partner anything, naturally, they may not have a behaviour to mimic. On a different note, in case you keep showering them with gifts, and they never give you anything at all — it might be a red flag. But you should look at the relationship as a whole and determine if your partner is using other life languages, as well as how important they are to you. Maybe, you don’t like gifts at all? Maybe, you prefer an “active service” love language when your partner cooks dinner or makes you coffee?
You are the best critic of your relationship. Only you can evaluate it, as well as being honest with yourself: do you feel like your partner cares about you, and do you receive enough attention and care? It’s only for you to figure out.
You Should Never Ask for Gifts
Asking for gifts is odd, not to mention humiliating. Hinting might be a better idea, although not everyone understands hints. I, personally, would feel like an a**hole for trying to manipulate someone into buying me something. Now, if I happened to mention an issue that needs fixing, and they take the initiative to help me — that’s the best way to show care. Or, if I talk about an item I’d like to acquire, and the next day they present me with it — it’s fantastic as well. Even if it’s as simple as a waffle maker.
But no one should ever be asking and especially begging for gifts. If your partner cares, and they have the means to get you a gift — they will do it. And if they don’t — well, you’ll notice it.
If your partner cares, and they have the means to get you a gift — they will do it. And if they don’t — well, you’ll notice it.
Other Types of Gifts
There are many different types of gifts, just like there are other love languages. Above, I mentioned another love language: an act of service. It’s when your partner does something beautiful for you. Again, the price tag shouldn’t always be involved — renting a helicopter is not a baseline. A small gesture of bringing you coffee in bed isn’t only caring, but also incredibly romantic. I would take coffee in bed any day over any helicopter ride… Unless, of course, I get presented with a fresh-made coffee while on a helicopter! Okay, just kidding.
You can make a long list of examples for this love language:
- Preparing dinner and lighting up candles for a romantic evening.
- Baking you a desert when you’ve had a bad day.
- Putting on their bartender uniform and crafting unique cocktails for you.
- Fixing something that’s broken or helping around your house.
- Bailing you out of an uncomfortable situation, no questions asked.
By the way, if a guy invented a cocktail and named it after me — I would be over the moon. The same applies to writing me a poem or singing a serenade. No materialistic gift can compare to that.
What If Your Partner Doesn’t Show care?
When your partner doesn’t present you with fancy jewellery and sports cars — it’s fine. But if they are barely showing signs of care, it’s a humongous red flag. Care doesn’t have a price attached to it: either the person you’re dating shows consideration, or they don’t.
Lack of gifts can be one indicator of that. A lack of attention is another one. All of it is interconnected, and they potentially have one thing in common: the absence of interest. If your partner isn’t interested in you, the relationship is, quite possibly, doomed.
Don’t date someone who is “too busy” or “too tired” to brew you an espresso in the morning. If they care enough, they will find time and energy to gift you something, especially an emotional gift. Date a person who goes above and beyond to show their affection and care. And if they are, in fact, extremely busy — they will still prioritize you and find a way to shower you with attention.
Sadly, if care and affection are lacking, it can be a serious reason to end the relationship. We all deserve to be with someone who truly loves us, not someone who’s looking for an excuse as to why they ordered dinner for themselves, yet totally forgot about you.
Conclusion
Gift-giving is a wonderful tradition. It shows care, it feels good, and it makes both parties happy. When you care about someone, you want to make them smile and feel a little bit happier at any given moment of the day. Gifts don’t have to be pricey; they just have to be meaningful. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t give a flying hoot about you.
Don’t neglect this love language. Get involved in gift-giving to show thoughtfulness and express your love. Many years later, both you and your partner will have many presents symbolizing your partnership and commitment.
*This story was originally published on Medium
About the Creator
Joanna Henderson
Canadian. Mental health activist. Banker and financier who drinks too much coffee. Pursuing happiness and sharing my thoughts with others.
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