Why You Need to Realize That You’re Creating Your Own Heartbreak
And how to notice when we are doing this.
I have a friend that is seemingly always crying over her “love” life. After giving her advice multiple times, I realized that she is choosing to not listen to me, only to herself, and is only creating these unfortunate events on her own. As a result, we aren’t very close because it is the only thing she mostly mentions in her life, and I decided I could no longer attempt to help. When it comes to our lives, most of us end up doing what we ultimately want to do.
Humans are creatures of habit. We like to stick to what we know and are comfortable with. There are some that notice this behavior and take the plunge to change. But, when we don’t realize this behavior, we are the enablers — no one else. It is a situation we are familiar with. Usually, when we step out into unknown waters, we tremble backward.
Yes, a person in our life can initially inflict unpleasant emotions; however, we must note what we decide to do after. Do we keep speaking to them? Do we cut them out of our lives? Do we stalk them on social media? Do we use others to make that person jealous? These are all examples of factors that we place ourselves through.
The kicker is most of us within this group point the finger at others: “well, they didn’t treat me right, and I tried to give them chances after they said they will change.” That’s incorrect. We all collectively have our own minds to make the decisions for what is best for us. Individually.
My friend that I previously mentioned is a kind soul, brilliant and hard-working. After knowing her for about five years now, I saw the many accomplishments she worked for, and I also witnessed her take herself down over one guy. One guy.
I have always given her my best advice, I gave her support (which she still has of course), and I gave the tools that can help her make better decisions… but it as if they all went out the window.
She is in charge of her own heartbreak. After her devastating breakup months ago, she inflicts her personal damage on her own heart and mind. This also applies to what we all do to other parts of our life.
When we are heartbroken, it is natural to want to numb the pain. Music, food, writing, dyeing our hair, getting piercings, drinking, going out, having one night stands — these are all coping mechanisms. One method can unanimously help us all during a painful moment. But there is an extreme danger to this when we leave these habits unchecked. Remember: humans are habitual creatures. Delicate as well.
Some of us can bounce back, some need a year, yet some may use a particular situation to act a certain way for periods of time. That is the danger. That is us poking at our heartbreak and reopening any wounds.
When a habit becomes our home, we do not want to leave. We can use others to add on to this behavior. We do not want to acknowledge these new negative habits. In fact, we can make these habits worse. We can lose control. Lose sights of our authentic core. We no longer know who we are, and sometimes we depend on others to tell us who we are — to remind us. But this is not the responsibility of our closest friends nor family members.
When we zero in on the decisions we make after what tears us apart, that is taking responsibility for our lives — because it is our life. We can no longer let harmful people into our lives, do whatever they want to us, make matters worse, and blame it on that person for our “new” pain. We see that they were harmful, yes, but we had let them in when we also knew that we were at our most vulnerable: creating our own heartbreak.
Once we realize that it is ourselves, we can move forward. We stunt our own growth in many different ways. Moments like these are the most significant deficiencies in ourselves. We are complete beings, but we hurt ourselves. We hurt others. The moment we see this is the moment where healing begins — it all uphill from there.