Why We Should Debunk Masculinity Once and For All

Be a ‘man’. ‘Man’ up. If you’re a ‘man’, you would do X Y and Z. I’m sure I can speak for most, if not all men in that we’ve heard these statements at some point in our lives. I know I definitely have. These beliefs surrounding how to act as a man have been indoctrinated into the fabric of society for as long as can be remembered, and ultimately can manifest themselves in our actions and thoughts. Again, I can attest to this from personal experience. It’s the illusion of masculinity, and we’ve always believed it applied in society to fit the natural order. But it has to stop, for the sake of the men and women whom this problem afflicts, and in order for society to move forward - away from prehistoric notions of superiority.

Apparently we as men have to be strong at all times and project an image of power – whether that is in what we say, how we look etc. We must absolutely not show any signs of weakness whatsoever; if we have a problem – we deal with it internally without showing any outward signs of strife. And perhaps most destructive, is the belief that we are superior to our female counterparts, and have to dominate and degrade them in whatever way possible. As a toxic social construct – which is exactly what it is – masculinity needs to be debunked, and men need to realise how fruitful life can be once you open up and ultimately decide to go against this artificial state of being. Masculinity often centers on the rejection of vulnerability; that being vulnerable in any kind of way makes you less of a ‘man’ – and this manifests itself in a multitude of different ways. Surely this has to stop, right?

The idea of masculinity is littered with negativity from a mental and emotional standpoint. Men are never encouraged to speak to people about emotional issues; it’s deemed best to keep them internalised and deal with them alone. This has to end. It is a far more liberating state to be able to open up to people; to discuss problems and issues and ultimately accept vulnerability as a natural human trait. In what world is it normal to not want to confide in others regarding personal problems? It is a dysfunctional and unfortunately damaging state of affairs. We only have to look at the ease with which women in our society are able to round up friends and family to open up about personal and professional issues. Why do we as men find it so easy to subscribe to traditionally negative masculine traits, but something as straightforward as confiding in another man over a personal issue is a no-go? It comes back to that displaced notion of vulnerability as weakness - in reality, clinging onto personal issues over fear of appearing vulnerable makes us even weaker than we might think.

Why do we as men continue to steadfastly refuse the expression of vulnerability in our personal relationships? This is something that has plagued us for years, and is often a cornerstone within the delusion of masculinity. Whether a romantic relationship, a professional one or any other personal interaction, we have forever had a tendency to want to be right; to continually stamp our authority; to have the last word – and for what? Innate competitive spirit is healthy when channelled in the right way, but masculinity’s false notions have encouraged a continuous belief in claiming authority over others and projecting an image of strength – even when we know the outcome is likely a negative one. This particularly manifests itself when in relation to the fairer sex. The desire to want to dominate women in our society – whether it is professionally, sexually or in everyday life – remains as strong as ever, and ultimately as damaging as ever. If we actually think about it, how does accepting the opinion or viewpoint of a female over our own constitute to weakness? How does degrading another woman verbally, sexually, or in any other negative fashion reflect strength and prosperity? Clearly the traditional beliefs surrounding masculinity are upside down and simply wrong – and the reality is that our personal relationships will flourish once we unlearn and put to bed everything that we’ve been wrongly taught about what it means to be a man.

Masculinity is a set of roles, behaviours and traits associated with men and boys. But let’s just get rid of it once and for all. For years it has held men back in living fulfilling lives, making great connections personally and professionally, and ultimately living in line with the natural human state of compassion. So men, if you have a problem, talk about it. If you want to express emotional feelings and vulnerability, go ahead. Let’s not hide what we actually feel. Ultimately, the feeling of liberation will be all too strong to ignore.