Why We Need to Stop Glorifying Being in a Relationship
Looking at the benefits of being single and releasing how we have been conditioned to think we must find a relationship.
I'll preface this by saying, all situations are their own. Everyone has unique experiences. So of course, you may have found the love of your life and think this title is silly. But, from a biased perspective of a single lady haha (all perspectives have bias), I believe the collective will be happier if we focus our energy on lifting up singleness to a higher pedestal than finding a partner. Stop trying to set your friends up, instead, be impressed by them doing shit and finding themselves on their own.
Here is an excerpt from my personal journal that inspired this piece:
"I am content with the way things have laid out before me. Behind me.
I am excited because it no longer feels like I am in chains. I am not tied down or held back by anyone, or by my feelings of need or guilt.
I am free again.
I am myself again."
Bro, if you don't journal yet, hop on the train. It may seem cliche to you, and maybe I'm partial to writing things down, but it has helped me immensely. Writing things down is sort of like having a conversation with yourself. You figure things out that may not have come to light if you kept all (feelings) tucked away.
For me, it helps me organize thoughts and make sense of what I'm experiencing. Which is how I came to the conclusion that being single is way more freeing and fulfilling than being in a relationship.
This would have been harder to admit when I was in a relationship, but I still knew that being myself would be easier alone.
Okay, I know I talk fast, so listen closely...
Singleness should be looked upon as partnerships are. It should be reached for and respected even more so by ourselves and our peers.
The reason partnerships are held higher than being single, I guess, is because it is seemingly more difficult to be in a partnership since it takes more than one person to agree to create it, and agree to keep it.
By society’s standards, and simple math, that makes it more difficult.
But being single is just as difficult, because of those same standards.
Stay with me...
Because being single seems easier to society than finding a partner, being single is actually more difficult. Following?
The stigma that comes with being single needs to be overcome in one’s mind in order to be happy in your status. Successfully being single is difficult. You don’t have someone to validate you, you have to validate yourself.
In a relationship, society has us feeling like we're successful. This is what society expects of us and we're doing it, and we're working with someone to create a beautiful bond. And beautiful it is in most instances. But we often feel validated by simply being in the relationship, because it is what we are told to do. It is an easy path to follow for most.
Don't be validated by the relationship. If they were to break up with you tomorrow and you wouldn't still feel confident in yourself, you need to take a step back and reevaluate.
Where we may traditionally see a partnership and having someone else validate ourselves as a more difficult and prized accomplishment, doing it yourself is actually much harder.
If you’re single, congratulate yourself on doing so. You’re fucking doing it, sis. Being the boss ass beautiful soul that you are, all on your own. Know it. See it.
If you’re not single, congratulate a friend on this accomplishment.
If you don’t have any single friends, find more friends. Single friends are fun and inspiring tbh.
I am by no means a relationship expert, but I would say I'm pretty good at being single. Hmu if you need help with it, and keep reading.
The benefits of being single:
You're on your own schedule, and only yours. You don't need to report to anyone. You can relocate to wherever you want, whenever. You wanna go to Thailand? Go. No one's stopping you. You wanna go to San Diego? Go. No one's stopping you. Want to walk down the street to the market? Go. You wanna stay right where you are? Stay, no one's making you go anywhere. You don't have to abide to the needs of another person, (unless you have a child, I hope you can get a babysitter.)
You need to like yourself, or grow to like yourself. For some reason, a lot of people out there don't like themselves, and try to feel better by getting in a relationship. But by being single, spending time with yourself, finding the things you enjoy, you start to like yourself more. "Why can't I do that with a partner?" Because your partner isn't you. No outside influence, only you and your thoughts. Leave your partner at home, or dump them. Being with yourself when you love yourself is an amazing feeling.
You can kiss, or not kiss, anyone you like. Kissing is fun. And it's fun to find someone to kiss. If you're single, dating for the fun of it and meeting people can be very entertaining. You can't explore other people while in a relationship (I hope you wouldn't want to, or you need to dump them), and if you tell your partner you don't want to kiss them, cause you just don't want to kiss, they'll probably get upset and take it personally. I would.
Being single is dope, so let’s stop glorifying finding a partner. Lets glorify exploring one’s own identity all by themselves.
Instead of checking up on a friend like ‘How’s your relationship with Doug going?’ Let’s ask, ‘So, how is exploring yourself and all of your passions going?’
I'm not saying you shouldn't be in a relationship, I'm just saying you might have it easier, and in turn be missing out on growth with yourself.
So, if you are wobbly or second-guessing in your relationship, let this be the push you need to dump them, and pursue yourself.
And if you are single, sit up straight, puff your chest, and fucking strut yo sheet.
Go and do things by yourself.