Why so defensive?

I said it. I said the P word. And I watched your defensiveness swallow the room. It painted your face, my face, the air; everything was not immune to the wrath of your fragility.

I said privilege. Or more correctly, I said "white privilege exists."

Privilege is a real hot topic in our political climate, with many white people denying it, and not enough trying to dismantle it. As I tried to look for a meme to go with this thought piece, I was accosted by photos claiming white privilege isn't real. Most of them claim it isn't real because they are poor, or have struggled. White privilege is not discounting an individual's struggle.

White privilege is where your life has been given invisible, and not so invisible, perks that other identities just don't get due to the systems that have been put in place in our culture. You might feel guilty about your privilege. You might feel indignant about it. You might not think it is real. I am here to tell you, if you don't think it is real, you are out to lunch. No sugar coating it. I encourage you to read or listen to anyone who is different than you. Listen to a podcast that isn't some white guy. Stop confirming your bias. Delve into uncomfortable conversations.

As a white person, everyday on Earth is your birthday. And when someone who has a different identity than you asks for some cake, or to bring their own cake, or even to just sit at the table, you get all huffy. Now huffy here = (and is not limited to) killing people, perpetuating stereotypes, not creating equal opportunities, creating discriminatory policies and legislation to disenfranchise groups of folks who do not look or behave like white people do, and participating in the endless stream of microaggressions towards people of color.

Your privilege cake expands the more identities you have that are celebrated or normalized in mainstream culture. This is called intersectionality. Some of these normative ways of being in our culture include: heterosexuality, being cis-gendered, being able-bodied, and being gender conforming.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you think you don't have privilege:

Ever had anyone tell you to stop speaking English, or practicing your way of life, or you would be threatened with violence?

Ever had policies or laws discriminating against your race or culture? An example would be the Indian Act in Canada: https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/indian-act

Ever struggled to find your sexual orientation, race, or gender portrayed in media in a positive light?

Ever been followed, violated, or abused because of your identity?

Every been asked questions about your culture, race, gender, or way of life that is derogatory, offensive and incorrect?

Ever had to fight to prove your identity not only exists, but is beautiful and deserves equal opportunity in this world?

The list goes on. And on.

And it isn't comprehensive because I'm white and I'm never going to fully understand another person's experience when they've been oppressed in ways that I haven't.

So. What now?

I challenge you to acknowledge your privilege and stop wasting everyone's energy on your defensiveness. Damn, with all of that energy you could volunteer at a shelter or march in the streets, or literally be doing anything else and it would probably be more productive.

Challenge why it is normal that you get all or most of the pieces of the pie.

The law of diminishing returns tells us that the tenth piece of pie is not nearly as satisfying as the first piece. So SHARE. Celebrate other people!

Take that yucky defensive energy and channel it towards something productive, something unifying. Build community.

Take into account that other people, whole groups of folks in fact, have different experiences than you because they are not white or straight or gender conforming. Seriously. Listen to other people.

Do NOT invalidate what they are saying.

Read about active listening if you do not know how to do it. Ask someone who you think is a good listener about what they do. And if you're thinking, I listen, I just don't think white privilege exists... I'm here to tell you that you have tremendous work to do as a listener. Here's a link just for you:

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-active-listening-3024343

Here's another link that someone else wrote that says what I'm saying, but better: https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/04/the-importance-of-listening-as-a-privileged-person-fighting-for-justice/

The great thing about realizing how poor of a listener you are, is that you are probably realizing you are flawed in other ways as well... like how you discredit people who experience oppression on the daily.

Here is where the real work begins. When you acknowledge that you don't understand or that you are uncomfortable, this is a good thing because you are open to learning. If you don't actively listen, it doesn't matter what you try to learn, or who you try to talk to. You won't get to the heart of things because you're too busy with your defenses to get to the truth.

It's time to consider that you have been raised in a culture that celebrates who you are, because you have white skin. This is called white supremacy.

Here is a link about the pillars of white supremacy: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/white-supremacy-culture-characteristics.html

Don't be scared of the P word. Privilege is real. And the work never stops. We're always going to be learning as a society, as a community, as individuals. That's the point. Don't get lost in your defensiveness that you lose a chance at real connection. Recognize the privilege of someone else sharing their story with you. Actively listen to them.

Why would you not want society to be better for all people?

White folks, you are not free until everyone is free.