Why?

Growing up you are told you have to be good, you have to be nice, and you have to help other people. At what point does that turn into being to much "good, nice, and helpful" in fairy tales the nice girl gets the prince while in real life people use her and throw her to the side afterwords. Growing up I was known as the nice girl who always said yes to someone when they asked for my help, looked like the nice girl, and was the good church girl who won a award in her church class, taught kids at her church, knew her scriptures, and did everything right the way I was taught that everything is a fairy tale.

I was consider the good girl that everyone said would be the one that marries a good church member, have lots of good church kids, and support her husband while he is in a church leadership postion. I do want to get married in the future, have kids, and support my husband. I left the church because I do not like the idea of following someone who says one thing and acts differently. I am a Wicca and I follow the path that teaches that we should accept everyone no matter what who they follow, who they love, and where they live. Does this make me a bad person, no I am still a good person who follows most of the teachings i was taught in the church. I just found a different path that makes me happy and at peace with myself also I am learning more about what I want out of life and who I want to be.

The question is why? I am writing this as a form of shadow work where I am wondering if this is because I am a pushover or because my churches culture says be good and you will get your reward. There is a fine line between being good to others and being so good you do not have a identity. In Wicca we learn the rule of three whatever you send out in the universe comes back at you threefold. In other words send out evil thoughts you get evil back and then some send out good thoughts you get good back and then some. So, thought are those who feel the need to be so good really getting the good that they send out? I follow the rule of three, but am wondering as well if there is a point where someone gets the toxic side of positive intentions sent back to them?

In the newer updated fairy tales they tell girls that if you are a good girl then you get the happy ending. I do not want to be the glass is half empty person, but if you look at the older fairy tales there was not always a happy ending in the Little Mermaid she killed herself, Sleeping Beauty was assaulted than woke up having her two children, and so many other tales that took a dark turn where either the evil queen or the girls where killed or suffered a horrible fate. Though here is the question why do they keep pushing this idea of happy ever after when yes we d0 get our happy ever after, but we have to face hard times as well that is what makes us stronger. Do not show this darker side to young children but at the time they where writing they told young women and kids do not trust strangers, do not be alone with strange men, and always trust your instincts.

I love fairy tales as the next girl Cinderella is my favorite story, but also I love reading the history behind the stories. I also like reading the older stories and the other culturals stories about the fairy tales. Cinderella's story is told in Asia, England, and many other culturals. Asia the idea about Cinderella having small feet was because of they think that small feet was beautiful. In some stories the evil stepmother and step sisters was killed in boiling water and in other stories the sisters was blinded by some birds. One story I read was the sisters was turned into stone and had to suffer that same humulation that they had put on their step sister for a year after that time they could turn back to human. In another Cinderella had a wishing tree and after she got married her sister and mother tried to keep the tree for themselves, but found that the tree dissappared.

Are we really one person over another set in stone does this decide who we are, does this define us, and are we allowed to change? Nature vs Nurture states that we are taught to be good people, but there is also a idea that we are naturally good people, but are taught to follow social norms and rules. When I was younger I thought I would always be the good girl now I feel that I can still be that good girl, and still follow my own path and be my own person.