WHY DOES MY NEW GIRLFRIEND CONTINUALLY TALK ABOUT HER EX?
This is a big red flag for both sexes to pay close attention to!
This is a good question not to ignore as it is a big red flag for both sexes to pay close attention to!
It is not OK for your new partner to continually bring up her Ex. You are right to be concerned because it generally means she is emotionally unavailable and not ready to date. You will definitely have to have an honest conversation with her about this, and it is important to acknowledge this scenario early on and not to leave things unaddressed hoping it will go away.
Make sure that you are also not talking about an Ex which could give her the green light to keep discussing her past breakup. You may not realize that you are contributing to the problem or encouraging it. Take some accounatability if this is the case and make a mutual pact that this behaviour will not continue. Start fresh!
There is a chance that she might not be aware of how often she is doing this.
It is important to ask her a little about her past relationship so you know where you stand with her but she shouldn’t be talking non-stop about her ex-boyfriend. You are not her therapist and you are not there to fix her broken heart.
If she isn’t as invested as you are in this new relationship things will always revolve around her and how she is feeling, making your relationship unbalanced. Her heart isn’t ready to be romantically involved with you and you shouldn’t have to take the dregs of what she has left to give you.
If she continues to talk about her ex after your conversation, then unfortunately she isn’t at the same stage as you would like her to be. You can’t force her to love you before she is ready, so being aware that she just isn’t on the same romantic level, is very important.
This shouldn’t be taken as a rejection to hurt you or to make you push harder, it is there for you to understand how crucial it is to for you both to be on an even keel. A partnership needs to be aligned and you shouldn’t have to wait until she is ready. She should already be there.
Don’t hang around and try to change her mind
You could spend months being patient and she still isn’t able to give herself to you whole-heartedly. You’re not just the rebound guy here to help her through her breakup woes. Don’t allow yourself to be that person because you will be the one who ends up getting hurt.
Tell her how you feel about her but also tell her that she needs to be over her past relationship before you are willing to put any more energy into a partnership that isn’t reciprocated. You want someone who is available and ready to commit to you, not someone who is in limbo.
I have been this girl in the past and I have also had karma repeat it back to me as well. It is not a nice place to be on either side of the coin!
It is necessary for her to take some time between partners to heal and move on to a higher place of acceptance within herself
- Why did she and her Ex break up? Was he the one who ended things? Is it her ego or her heart that is wounded here?
- How long has she been apart from her ex-boyfriend? Did she take any alone time before she started dating again?
- Was she in a relationship with her Ex for over 3 years?
- Has she had proper closure or does she need that to happen before she can really comprehend why things ended?
- Are you feeling that she is using this connection with you to help her get over her ex?
Make sure you know the answers to the above questions! Reflection can be a healthy thing to help her to move on but she shouldn’t be dwelling and pining over her past when she in a new relationship. This should be done solo without adding your heart into the mix. That’s not fair on you.
You are not her guinea pig to play with
She may think it is easier to get over her past love when she has another person lined up to take their place, but more often than not it just adds double the confusion into her life.
“To get over one get under another” doesn’t always work out in a good way. It may give you instant sexual gratification but a day or so later it can make you miss your ex even more!
We all have to be careful with how we treat each other. It’s not all just about us and our feelings, it is also important to pay attention to why someone is in our life.
Allowing yourself to be someone’s stepping stone purely for their own healing benefit will leave you feeling used, unimportant and de-valued. You know you are worthy of being treated well and loved unconditionally.
Teach someone how to treat you by respecting yourself at all times. If they are not in your life for the right reasons let them go. It’s not your job to be there just to make them feel better. Co-dependency will not bring you the love you truly want but making yourself a priority will.