I can't speak for all women, but I can tell you why I only dated assholes in the past... and how I finally broke free of my self-destructive behaviour. Let's start by answering the question though, just below is the reasoning I told myself in the past on why I wanted to/ was dating an asshole.
My Thoughts Behind Dating Assholes ...
- I think I can change them
- I fantasize about unrealistic romantic situations... that will never happen.
- I think their harsh criticism is actually good advice... so that other people won't be annoyed by me.
- I seem to convince myself that it's good practice to learn how to defend myself.
- It oddly reminds me of how my sister used to treat me...
- I think I don't deserve a nice guy for some reason.
"It took me a really long time to break my destructive habits"
I didn't understand my self destructive pattern at first. Mostly I lived in a world of fantasy where every new man who showed me attention brought me hope. Hope of a better future and hope of a chance to escape to another life. It took me a really long time to break my destructive habits, but not as as long as it took me to realize them. A nice guy finally wanted to date me, and I turned him down. Why? I did it because I thought he was too good for me. A part of me couldn't even believe it was true, so in a way ... I decided it wasn't. I didn't let myself be happy, because I was actually terrified of that happening. I spent years learning how to live my life alone... so how could I let someone that close to me to see how I really live?
What should you do if someone you romantically like is dating an asshole?
If you really think someone is in need of being saved, you can help them... but don't, even for a second, think that they should be with you because you are a 'nice guy'... I'm serious! Women, like all people, have the right to decide who they are attracted to. They also have the right to choose not to date anyone at all. It's just a bit of a big statement to say that someone 'should be with you' because 'you're a nice guy'. I call this 'nice guy syndrome'. Guys who suffer from nice guy syndrome usually aren't even nice guys anyway...
How did I break the cycle?
Growing older and wiser was certainly one if the components, sometimes what you need the most is time. With that said, time alone will not fix the problems. The first step to fixing any problem is admitting that you have one. After that, things get easier. Another great way to realize how horrible you were treated before, is to have someone treat you the way you deserve. This doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, it could be friends or family. Next is the most important step, you need to change your inner monologue and general thoughts to something more positive. Lastly, you need to build a healthier view on love and romance. This last step will take time, please be patient with yourself and others. These last two steps can be done with therapy, however therapy isn't the only option. I personally use affirmation cards to help me with these last two steps.
Hello. Nice to meet you! How are you? Hmm... this feels like a really one sided conversation... why don't you follow me on social media so I can get to know you too!
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