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Why Compulsive Texters Might Not Be a Great Catch

Texting in Relationships

By Katherine KeyesPublished 2 months ago 3 min read
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Why Compulsive Texters Might Not Be a Great Catch
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Texting is relatively easy and effortless. Anyone can do it. For weeks on end. Nobody can give you more than anyone can promise you via a text.

Imagine this. You’ve met someone and you both hit it off. You start texting each other. Most of us worry about when messages take too long to come. Or when someone responds with one-liners. We wonder if they are interested. We are excited when smartphones ping and fret when seeing the text bubble that someone is typing and then never actually getting a response. We lose sleep over the status uncertain.

***

Personally, I worry more about when someone is a compulsive texter. If someone overwhelms me with messages from the get-go, it’s a red flag. Texting is not always a good thing.

Especially when the compulsive texter does not “deliver” IRL (in real life). Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that dating should still be defined by a series of face-to-face encounters. And here are the reasons why.

Pacing Is Important

Too much texting early on can alter the entire course of the relationship. For example, it can create a false sense of intimacy. One thing leads to another and before you know it you are texting each other intimate details and making promises to each other.

You feel as if you are in a relationship, without much of an actual relationship to speak of. It’s very easy to future fake via texting. In other words, nobody can give you more than anyone can promise you via a text.

Love Bombing

Some people employ excessive texting to love-bomb. They will send incredibly charming, complimentary and affectionate texts. This gets you used to high levels of contact and accelerates the relationship because of the intensity.

Which can result in you confusing the intensity and frequency of texting with the intensity of your feelings for the other person. Texting can be misleading us to evaluate the quality of our connection and compatibility differently than in person.

Texting as a Form of Distraction

When someone texts you often, it can create a feeling of interest. You might think the other person is really interested in you when in reality they can just be killing time and treat you the same way they would treat social media. As a distraction.

For these people, texting can be the main mode of communication. They will easily text you fifty messages a day, but are not able to handle or are interested in meeting in person. They will happily orbit you, indefinitely.

Texting as a Personality Trait

Excessive texters might have inclinations to be controlling or clingy. Demanding to always have access to another person is not healthy. When someone does not know when to stop they might have an abusive personality.

At first, you want to share and tell them about what you are doing, because they seem super interested. It can be flattering and exciting to share. You gradually get used to this and don’t realise when things take a turn for the worse. When you no longer want to share as much, as the initial thrill is wearing off, but the other person keeps insisting on the same frequency of contact.

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Texting is relatively easy and effortless. Anyone can do it. For weeks on end. Be mindful of this and don’t confuse it with love, genuine interest or a sure sign that you have found the one.

  • Do not fall for empty promises.
  • Do not fall for castles built in the sky.
  • Do not get carried away with relationships that are built in the cloud.

Instead, look for a balance between texting and real life. Does it add up? Look for the underlying motivations of the people doing the texting. And remember that it’s deed above words, always.

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About the Creator

Katherine Keyes

Writing about well-being, self-care and psychology. Occassional poet and fiction writer. Based in Prague. Passionate about coffee, yoga, reading and Toastmasters. Native speaker of Czech, fluent in English (as a second language).

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