Wherefore Art Thou

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

Famous words, penned by Shakespeare and performed millions of times on stages all across the world. What is the draw? Why do two star-crossed young lovers who tragically end their lives because of mommy and daddy's unhappiness continue to draw theatergoers around the world? Is the answer love or is it fate? Could one argue both or furthermore, neither? Did Romeo and Juliet even actually love each other? In a current culture of mass dating apps, quick hook-ups and living together before "I do," how does one find the one and when they do, is it forever? The debate of fate has been around long before Shakespeare and will be around long after the Millenial generation's grandchildren have grandchildren. Without question fate is not a choice, but love is.

I met my husband online a little over ten years ago now. We have been married 7 of those 10 years and have two wonderful children. Throughout our marriage I have had a heart attack, eye surgery, two caesarians, we have been with and without health insurance, had a job loss, a following foreclosure, racked up and paid off thousands of dollars in credit card debt,. Despite all we have been through, we still fight about the dishes that got left on the counter. Love is a choice. Can I just speak frankly for a second, when I call out "Wherefore art thou, Romeo" around here, there's usually a chore awaiting Romeo, not a sweet kiss on a balcony. Love is messy, it's imperfect, it's a job. In the story of Romeo and Juliet the only thing keeping them apart was the hatred of one family for the other. Romeo never left his dirty boxers on the floor next to the hamper and Juliet never nagged him incessantly to pick them up. They never faced having to choose a baby name, where to live, or how to get Juliet's mother to quit butting in on their parenting decisions. Is it really love if it's never a choice to stay?

So many of my friends are still single, and their calls of "Wherefore art thou," can be heard in the stories of numerous terrible dates they've been on, in the fact that they're still living at home or with roommates, in the tears they shed at their friends weddings when they are a bridesmaid yet again, but not the bride. I do not envy my single friends trying to navigate dating in their late twenties, but I do often envy their freedom. The freedom they have to choose what exactly goes on the calendar, how late they stay out, or what they spend money on. Things I chose to give up complete control over to spend my life with someone else. Love is a choice. It's not always an easy one. I tell my single friends to enjoy the time they have to themselves, to deal with their own baggage and traumas because when you get married, guess what? you get all of the other person's crap too. Some of it you may know about when you first get married, some you don't find out until several years in. Sometimes, you don't realize how bad your own faults are until your spouse says, "Hey, maybe you need to go to therapy for that." However, that is real love,

Do I believe in fate? No. I don't believe that I was meant to meet my husband, have two kids and live happily ever after in the suburbs with our mini van and modest to large home decorated in the latest Joanna Gaines country farmhouse decor. I did however, choose to stay when my partner lost his job and we had to move the three of us, Him, myself and our two year old daughter, into my moms two bedroom apartment for almost a year. Love is so much bigger and more complex than Romeo and Juliet gave it credit for, it's bigger than wanting to die because you can't be together, it's choosing to stay together when you want to kill each other! I will say though, when Romeo is done with his chores, the kisses on the balcony are that much sweeter, because he still chooses to love me too, and trust me, I know what a tough decision that can be. Love is a choice, I hope today you choose love.