Where Do You Go When You Are Nervous?

Me? I go to a place of fear where I hope that what I'm about to do is cancelled. I do not really wish for it to be cancelled but that is where I go.

It does not matter if it is an interview, date, or recording of a meeting, my mind heads towards sitting in the corner, rocking back and forward.

I want to throw in the towel before I have even started and whilst I have done this, it is where my brain goes. I want to give in before I have even started. That is my basic instinct and yet I am able to override that desire to run away and push forward.

I am not always successful, yet I learn from my mistakes, never repeating the same failure, always moving forward and learning from what has just happened.

Fear of the Unknown

My main problem (apart from spending too much) is that I fear the unknown.

• I worry about what will happen if I suggest somewhere that ends up disappointing
• I worry that if I choose the wrong option at work then it may lead to a sacking
• I worry that I may purchase the wrong present
• I worry about what might happen. this is most prevalent when it comes to the unknown
• I worry that those opposite to me (in an interview) will think that I am an idiot. The same can be said for purchasing from a new shop or a quiet shop where I am the only human in attendance
• I worry about that which I cannot control.

I use the word control as I understand who I am in life. I am a natural worrier and fear the unknown, so much so that I try to pre-plan for all eventualities.

If I can plan well enough then the unknown should be more comfortable...right?

Countermeasures

The trouble is that what can happen, will happen. Shit happens that can eliminate your best-laid plans in seconds. You can one day be crushing along and before you know it, pushed out of the way. This is what life is truly about. Learning how to deal with stress and worries.

There is far too little assistance out there for those who suffer from mental health concerns. You either lean on those around you or pay for private care to learn coping mechanisms.

I do not have anxiety or anything vaguely related to mental health problems. I have worries and stresses in life as we all do. I have 33 years of noting down my behaviour and where my mind jumps to in moments of fear. I know how I will react and that is where you can learn, develop and grow as a person.

Earlier today I recorded my first podcast. At this time the usual worries began to surface and that part of your brain that you wish could turn off was saying 'don't do it, you will be awful' and I was worried. I knew that deep down I would not listen but my undesirable instincts were there.

What I did to calm myself was as follows:

1. I took a step back and a deep breath
2. I occupied myself during the time between when I noticed and it started. I find if I do something then the anxiety does not have time to multiply
3. I took a look in the mirror and said to myself that I've never quit before and would not quit today
4. I accepted that I am not perfect and never will be but I have more than enough capacity to learn.

Where Do You Go?

For me personally, step 4 is the most important. To tell yourself that you are not perfect. Something that is essential to my process and often times it is lost in today's society. We make fun of interaction and those who make mistakes under the cover of our keyboards...if you don't believe me then you can log into to Twitter to see for yourself.

This is my experience and that is not to say that it is the same for everyone. My wife goes from nought to stress in less than sixty seconds. There is no filter and she turns into a military dictator to get angry at the process and drive through rather than my hide-in-the-corner-process.

• Where do you go?
• What is your process when stress strikes?
• Do you want to cuddle up?
• Punch your way through or wish to run away?

Or do you go somewhere else? Let me know in the comments below.

A Final Thought

We all get stressed and approach new situations differently. This is what makes us human and if we were all the same then what would be the point? If half the world was one template and the other half was the other, then meetings would be rather dull. Catch-ups with friends would be pointless as we would all be the same. That would be pointless.

As they say, you need to accept the worst before you can appreciate the best. We all have down days and we all run through different processes when we are against the wall. When the pressure is on we react differently.

It is something that defines us as humans and sets us apart from other animals in the consideration that we can alter our behaviours in a manner that processes our trends from the past.

By writing this article I am suggesting that I know what I am talking about but that could be as true as the consideration that I have not gotten used to eating three meals a day.

I have written this article on what I have experienced during my life. It may work for some and offend others. The point is that we are all different and need to be aware of stress and fear.