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When the Least Likely Road Becomes the Best Road

From being a kid with big dreams, to a high-school dropout that's not doing too bad, if I say so myself.

By Kendra TayfelPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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There once was a kid with big dreams: Graduating from Yale (inspiration credit goes to Rory Gilmore, who had been an idol), becoming a doctor or a veterinarian or something with animals in general, whatever was inspiring at the time of the question. It was rare to see anything less than perfection to almost perfection on her report card. School was something that was lived for, few complaints about homework (if it wasn't done at school already by the time she came home), always begging to be able to go on any trips with her gifted class to tournaments, and GPA never dropped below a 3.5. Church was treated the same way, living for Christ, faith never wavering, and at VBS as much as possible come summer.

School. Church. Animals. Family.

That was what that little girl prided herself on.

Now flash-forward; a decade and change later, give or take.

College stopped being considered as seriously as she tried to recover from whatever happened when circumstances out of her control led her to miss a significant chunk of her eighth grade year. You miss school, your GPA drops, and... well, you can figure out the rest from there. She was a dreamer though, so she hung on to college just a little bit longer.

Most of her high school years were spent doing homeschooling. An administrator had noticed something was wrong... he just didn't know what. He thought homeschooling (which was really just online courses through the school using the same set up the seniors who needed to catch up on credits used) was better than the traditional setting. For a while, he was right. She loved being at home; she complained at first because she missed friends... but the control she had over her classes now was too good to complain much.

Skip ahead; sophomore year, she decided to try to go back. That lasted until maybe mid-October. She couldn't handle it. The structure she'd built when doing her work at home wasn't there and she didn't know how to cope, so back to the computer and her structure she went.

The summer before her junior year, her grandmother passed away from cancer. She was truly the girl's best friend, and her death rocked her world. Before she died, the girl told her grandmother she'd go back to school. Grams wanted her to experience the joys of upperclassmen-ship the last couple of years she'd be in high school. She wanted her to make memories. The girl promised, Grams I'll try. I'll try my best.

Her first day of junior year came three weeks or so after she died. At this point, she hadn't really grieved yet, stuck in a numb state as her brain tried to process that this woman, this huge piece of her life who had always been there, wasn't there anymore. (Whoever said 16 was rough... they were right.) The night before she started school was tense. She flip-flopped I want to go to school to No... no I'm not ready.

She lasted one day of junior year... barely. Sparing all of the details, she almost called it quits at lunch, somehow made it through, and then broke down reading a passage about JFK in her history book that she was flipping through for fun.

If you hadn't figured it out by now, that little girl was me. I eventually dropped out of high school a couple of months after I turned 18. I gave up the dream of college, and instead turned it into pursuing my GED at... some point.

It was a decision that was made carefully, actually one I made halfway through my second try at junior year, and one I went through with not long after my third try started.

School was crushing my mental health, and I wouldn't have lasted very long if I kept trying to push myself. I needed to get my brain better first, before I put it through that kind of work. I ran my decision past the important people in my life: My mom, my grandpa, my friends, and my therapist. Most of the consensus said I'll regret it.

It's been three years, and I'm prouder of that decision now than I was then. I'm better mental health-wise—though not by much. I'm better in the sense I'm now on medication. I've pursued attempting to study for my GED off and on over the last three years, but right now it isn't my priority. (It probably should be... but not right now.) I do study a lot, though; about topics that interest me.

I don't live the conventional life most young adults my age do. I'm not in college, I live at home, I don't have a "regular" job, and only a small circle of friends.

I do have a "job"—a few actually. My jobs right now are to keep focusing on bettering my mental health, to help my mom take care of my grandpa, and to help my dog through her kidney disease. I was recently told I was on the autism spectrum. That itself has been a journey. (It also sometimes feels like a job, trying to cope.)

None of these jobs provide a traditional paycheck. Instead my payment comes in the form of life lessons, moments full of tears, anger, frustration, and moments of laughter, smiles, and learning something new about my life and myself every day. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

We're constantly pushing kids to aim for college, to do better in school so they can further their education. That's important, college opens doors, and open doors lead to opportunity. College can lead to a job, maybe even kickstarting a career right out of college. It's a road to lead them toward, but not push them down.

The conventional life isn't fit for everyone. Sometimes, it's the unconventional way, the road less traveled, that's the right way for a kid to go. I never thought it'd be the way I'd go. I thought I'd trod on the well-taken path, and yet now I sit writing, taking in the sound of the silence that's broken only by the sound of my fingers typing the keyboard and my dog's soft breathing as she lays against me. I do this a lot, usually when reflecting, and each time I find I am content.

So I say: It's okay to nudge a kid toward that less traveled path if you think it'll be better for them. That's not to say tell them to drop out, but sometimes... a kid knows if the traditional "graduation, college, job" path isn't right for them. If you think so, or they tell you, it's okay to encourage it. It might go against everything you've hoped and dreamed, but there's options if it doesn't work out. It won't be the biggest mistake—not in this day and age. Besides, there's more than one way to get to a destination. Sometimes, the way you thought was least likely to take you there is the best path for you.

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About the Creator

Kendra Tayfel

Most of the time, you can find me with my two dogs and my cat, most likely with a hockey game on the TV if there aren't highlights playing on my computer...

or even when there are highlights on my computer.

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