When it's real love, you'll know.

My heart always knew what my mind wouldn't admit. It's crazy because I knew what I was thinking but it's like I wouldn't let myself think it. The sad truth is I was in a relationship. And what I didn't realize until later was that I had underlying feelings for someone else. It was weird because I knew what I was thinking deep down, but I couldn't admit it to myself because I felt guilty for having those thoughts when in a relationship. Even though the relationship wasn't great, I knew it wasn't right in human decency to fall for someone else. I've never been a person to hurt people. I've always been a people pleaser and always struggled with saying no. The situation I was in was my first relationship, and I got ahead of myself because at first I was surprised someone liked me and I was in sort of a honey moon phase. After awhile though I realized that something was missing and I wasn't getting everything I wanted and needed from that person. And sometimes the way I was treated didn't feel right and there were times when I knew it wasn't right.

I was considering leaving anyways, but I just didn't know how because even though I wasn't treated right, I didn't want to hurt a person. I was also scared because this person would get angry at times and I didn't want them to lash out or make me feel like shit, like they did so many times before.

In the last months of that relationship I met my best friend and current boyfriend. The moment I saw him, he had the brightest smile and I knew he was a person full of light. We'd hang out with our friend group and I grew attached to the person he was. I never met anyone so caring and considerate. I thought I was a good person, but he was beyond perfect. He always put everyone first and would try to help everyone whenever they needed something and he'd never want anything in return. The more we talked, the closer we got, and I would catch myself thinking damn whoever gets to be with this person is the luckiest girl in the world. I knew she would be treated with respect and like a queen.

There would be some things that this person would do for me that I took as friendly gestures, but they made me realize all the little things I was missing in my relationship. He would get doors for me, pull out my chair at restaurants, offer me his sweater if I was cold. And don't get the wrong idea, most times we were always with our group. But as we got closer, we'd hang out alone. Nothing ever happened, because he knew I was in a relationship and he respected that completely and never overstepped any boundaries. But hanging out with him made me realize I wasn't secure in my relationship because I was more comfortable and happy hanging with someone else. Every moment I spent with my best friend at the time was the happiest moments for me, the moments I felt safe, and free to be myself. We grew such a strong bond and connected over our pasts.

Being with him now, I could never imagine hanging out with another guy alone. I just wouldn't, because to me that is disrespectful and why would I, when my boyfriend now makes me the happiest. I don't need anyone else. I'm my best version with him. I want to be a better person for him and for us. He makes me feel like I can get through anything and he is my biggest supporter. But that just goes to show that I wasn't with the right person before and what I was feeling before was never love.

I know what love feels like now with my boyfriend. And the feelings I feel with him, I've never felt before. I love him and care about him so much and I want to put him first, and make a good life for us. He brings out the best in me, and it's like all my mental health struggles have either gone away or gotten much better with him. He tries to do everything for me and he's always by my side with whatever I need to do. We always joke that we are on the same wavelength because we are always thinking alike and we always match each others energy.

I just know that we were meant to meet, I know things happened for a reason to get us together. I was never one to believe in fate or destiny but this is too ironic because I know without a doubt that he is my person and I know we were made to be together. I can't really explain it but that was the feeling I was talking about. The feeling where you just know and you can't even explain it. It's this overpowering feeling within my heart, screaming at me that this is my person. It's a feeling where I don't want to face anything without them by me. It's where you want to be better for them. It's where you would sacrifice anything for them. It's where they become your home. And it's where if you have to be parted from them, it's a physical awful ache in your heart and chest because you literally can't survive without them.

I've never felt so safe and comfortable with a person in my entire life. I know I would never be judged and he's gone above and beyond to prove to me that he cares deeply. He's my best friend, my soulmate, and my future husband. I want all my time to go to him, and I want to make him happy. Being with him is the healthiest and happiest state of mind I've been in.

You're probably wondering how we ended up together though considering I was in a relationship. Well, I found out my best friend (now boyfriend) at the time had feelings for me, and he told me around the time I was really considering breaking up with my (then) boyfriend. I admitted my feelings for him and a few days later I gathered the courage to end things with my (then) boyfriend despite my fear.

A little after that my boyfriend (now) and I started dating, and I quickly realized what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. I realized that I was worth more than how I was treated in my last relationship, but I also had to accept that I let myself be treated badly for so long, and I stayed instead of getting out sooner. But in the end things still worked out. I'm just so grateful my boyfriend told me he had feelings for me, because it helped me realize, there was a better person out there, my person, my soulmate. He helped me see my worth. And I realized that with him I was always happy and cared about. I was my best version.

I owe all of my happiness to my boyfriend, he really saved me, and made me a better person, and heals me. He always knows how to handle problems that come my way, and helps me figure out a solution. I love him with everything that I am.

A lot of people think we moved too fast, or that I handled things wrong but what happened, happened, and I know I tried to handle things maturely and in the best way I thought possible. But it's like none of that matters anyways if you feel the kind of love I feel. Because only the two of you will know. No one else will understand and a lot will judge but as long as you are happy. I'm still learning this with the help of my boyfriend but "It's your life." If it's going to make you happy and you don't have intentions of hurting people intentionally, then freaking do what makes you happy.

I don't believe a lot of people get the chance to experience this feeling, this kind of love, but I promise you, if you do get that chance you'll know. You'll know because you won't be able to explain it. I wish everyone could find their person like I have and for those that did, be grateful and soak in all the experiences. For those that haven't, trust your gut, and if you have the slightest doubt something is missing or you aren't getting treated right, you probably haven't found them or you need to find someone better. I don't think everyone gets to end up with their person for many reasons whether they're afraid to leave a comfortable situation or they don't know if they'll find better. But just be aware to what makes you upset and if it can be fixed great, but if not, they probably aren't the one.

When you find that person, you'll have no doubts. And you'll be able to work through troubles, and you won't want to fight because you care about them so much. Everything will feel right with them. And trust me, you'll just know. And it will be unexplainable, but don't let what other people think ruin it. So what if only you two know what you feel. That makes it special, something for just you two, that no one understands. If you take anything from this, know that you can't be scared when it comes to your happiness, and mental health. Take the leap, and the net, if not your person will still appear.