When is it Okay to Call a Disabled Person Inspirational?
Here's what I think as a disabled person
In my last post, I wrote about how calling people with disabilities inspirational without knowing them personally can make them feel like “model minorities”. As one of these disabled people, I sometimes feel that when I am unable to do basic daily activities on my own, I will no longer be considered the boss b**** I most definitely am (or try to be).
However, like most people on the planet, I enjoy the validation that comes with receiving praise from others, so in some situations the “I” word is okay to be used.
As a rule of thumb, you should only call people with disabilities “inspirational” if you have been friends with them for more than a few months or are a family member AND you aren’t saying it in response to something mundane like brushing their teeth or going to the store. The second part is especially important. Although for some of us, the fact that we go out is amazing because of the extra physical and emotional effort required compared to a non-disabled person, but again, this is a rule of thumb. On that note, I cannot speak to what other disabled people are comfortable with, so the best I can do is address my thoughts and give pointers on what you should definitely avoid doing or saying.
I know this isn’t much to go off of, so here are some scenarios where calling a disabled person inspirational would be acceptable:
- Your 38-year-old brother has ALS and has lived with it for three years. He was determined to keep working as hard as he could towards completing his medical residency, but because of the pandemic, he had to stop working because the risk to his health was just too great. He is starting to regret his decision to begin medical school in his early thirties and wonder why he kept pursuing his dream when he was diagnosed with such a devastating disease. He talks to you about this and you want to make him feel better by telling him that he inspires you, but you are worried that you may come across as patronizing. That is always a valid concern, but he is a family member and would really benefit from some words of encouragement, so I think calling him inspiring is appropriate here.
- Your significant other has been disabled their whole life, and they recently got promoted to the VP position at their tech company. You want to tell them that they inspire you, but you also know that they have been in a past relationship where their partner constantly patronized them after every “normal” task and activity, even in their sex life. You understand that this is a different set of circumstances, but you want to be mindful of boundaries. However, you come to the conclusion that you would be inspired by a non-disabled friend achieving this position, and your SO has had to fight ableism in addition to what your friend would have to do, so calling them inspirational would be more than okay. You were in fact right, and because you also set up a celebratory dinner, it pays off later that night *wink wink*.
- You have a disabled friend who disagrees with my stance on when it is okay to call a disabled person inspirational. He thinks that all people with disabilities are inspirational regardless of their accomplishments because existing in a world that was not built for them is pretty bad ass. Your friend was recently selected to be an artist in residence at an art museum that is known for being highly competitive in its hiring process, and you feel inspired by him, especially with the hectic year he and literally everyone in the world has had (Thanks 'Rona). Because your friend has expressed that they believe all disabled people are inherently inspiring, you can go ahead and tell him how you feel.
So there are my creative, mostly fictional examples of when you can refer to a disabled person using the "I" word. Once again, always remember that every disabled person has a different lived experience, thus they may have a divergent view on the use of the word "inspirational". That’s all I’ve got for now, so toodle-oo!
About the Creator
Kimberley Starr | Defying Duchenne
Redefining what it means to live with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy through an intersectional lens.
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