When Did Having "Expectations" Become Something We No Longer Should Do?

There seems to be a new trend that is becoming more and more... trendy! To be honest, I am blown away at the concept of it and yet, I seem to be the only one who is actually pushing back and questioning this. I feel like I have jumped into the Twilight Zone and at some point, all of this is going to click and make sense.

Who am I kidding... This is all totally ABSURD!

So, I am certain the suspense is killing you by now... WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? Sorry for the all caps on that but I really wanted to draw your attention to my point. Yet, before I get to it, let me paint you a picture of how this was first brought to my attention.

Dun, Dun, Dun...

I had foolishly assumed a person I was exclusive seeing the past few months was also exclusive seeing me for the same time period. This typically would lead one to believe they were dating. At the very least, I thought we were just at the beginning stages and as time went by, we would do more things publicly together. Like dinners and conversations over coffee. I know I have been out of the dating game for some time now, but I don't believe those were high expectations or unreasonable thinking. Being the laid-back person I am, instead of having an honest open discussion on what we were or weren't... I went along with "it". Even though "it" was driving me insane trying to figure out what "it" was. I began writing about my thoughts, concerns, and questions in my blog. A blog I would send him links to. Most of the time he could never find the time to read them. So I started getting creative with my titles, knowing certain words would trigger his curiosity enough to read it.

https://seekingcrystalrae.blogspot.com/2021/10/winner-winner-chicken-dinner.html

You can clearly read in the link to my blog, I made sure to lay out everything so he could see, I was losing interest and wasn't meant to be a plan b or on reserve for when the time was right for him. Weeks went by and our texting and late-night visits were lessening. I assumed this meant, he read between the lines and got my point and was not wanting "it" based on my definition. Nothing to be upset about then or really mad at. We were wanting different versions of "it" and that was a respectable ending point.

Nope... I really need to stop assuming!

Out of the blue, I received a text. I don't recall who initiated it or what it was regarding but it was strong enough for him to invite me over and for me to go running. We sat face to face, just as all the other times before, and I caught him up on my latest life events and he provided advice or agreed with my choices. Nothing was unusual until he began talking. I am known for being a wordy person, so him taking the time to share and in a pretty lengthy form, was a huge turn-on for me but not his norm. I listened as he gave me generic scenarios that clearly were directed toward me but in a "crayon friendly" forum.

At one point he stated, "Relationships tend to get into trouble when the girlfriend texts or calls the boyfriend every day at lunch and then "expects" the boyfriend to respond or answer every day because she has made it a routine without him agreeing or feeling the same way. So now the girlfriend is upset with the boyfriend for something she "expected" that he had "no expectations" regarding."

If I was a gambling woman, I would bet this was regarding me going radio silent towards him and being loud and upset in my blog regarding not hearing from him in over a week. Maybe, it was his half-naked body or the smooth sounds of his voice... or both, but I bought into it.

Hook, line, and sinker!

I actually felt better about all of "it" and thought a life of "no expectations" sounded pretty brilliant. If I didn't have expectations of others, then I couldn't get hurt or overthink a situation. This meant if I texted him first thing in the morning and I didn't hear from him for 4-48 hours, I would be happy for the incoming message, once he did, instead of upset over the plain disregard for me. The changed thought process did actually help and kept me calm about the lack of attention I was getting. He truly was just a really, really, really, really, really busy person and with "no expectations" I would see how lucky I truly was for the few minutes he could squeeze me into over a 24 hour day. Some nights I would be even luckier to get an Uber driver beckoned to pick me up and drop me off at his place. During the timeframe of Midnight to Six am. When an Uber driver would then get me back home safely, before sunrise, so he wouldn't miss out on getting his beauty sleep.

What I was being made to believe was a 'positive way' of thinking and healthier in the long run... was to never, ever, at any point, at any time, in any way... EXPECT.

The more I thought about the conversation and what was being relayed, the more I became outraged at the mindset and audacity of him trying to convince me of such. Yet, he hasn't been the first to make a point of this or prove it with their actions.

Backed up with excuses and lies.

Not standing by their words or any attempt to keep promises.

This is not a movement that is bringing on the state of happy, happy! It is not a healthy form of thinking. It is a form of disrespect, selfishness, and using others.

Not having "expectations" is simply saying:

• I don't care enough about you to take the time to respond to your text
• I will never answer your phone calls or call you back because hearing your voice is not important to me
• I have no problem leading you on or making you think I am a better person than I truly am because I don't care about you. It's all about me!

Do you see the trend there? Not having "expectations" is saying you do not matter to me. Are we okay with this? Do we really want to keep allowing our "expectations" to not be met and justifying it as our fault for having them to begin with?

If I ask for something and another person agrees to do so... I should be able to EXPECT that person is going to do as they stated they would. Right? I don't think that is too out of line and yet, it is becoming such! Suddenly, you are at fault for having "expectations" and the one who did not do as agreed, is simply off the hook for being busy, or irresponsible, or whatever the heck you call it. The way I was raised, we called it "lying" and it was highly frowned upon. Bad things happened when you didn't do as you said you would. There were consequences for not keeping your word!

Does anyone else remember this way of living?

Now, I am not a doctor. Nor, do I have any doctrine that states I am educated enough to provide these strong words disagreeing with this latest trend. I am simply a person who believes having "expectations" means I can trust you to do as you say. That you value me enough to not lie to me or make excuses for your lack of respect.

I know that you can "expect" me to keep my word, follow through with my actions and show you how much I value you by doing so.

Trendy or not, I expect you to have expectations of me!