What to do with people who have low self-esteem to the bone?

To essentially get beyond low self-esteem, we have to take the bottom out and change the way we normally compare ourselves socially.

Many people are confused by some questions, why some celebrities are so good-looking, but still yell all day long that they are ugly? Why are those students of 985 and 211 saying all the time that they are not good and outstanding? Is this not in Versailles?

This is not necessarily Versailles.

He may really think so.

When asking such questions, have you ever noticed that we silently put others into our own comparison frame: the star is prettier than me, there is no need for her to feel inferior because she feels ugly, if I were her, I would not feel inferior because of my looks; the classmate who graduated from a 985 school is more powerful than me and has more options in the future, if I were him, I would not feel inferior because I am not good and feel inferior. In short, people with low self-esteem often fall into the emotion of "I'm not good enough, I don't deserve it" and can't help themselves.

However, in reality, we are not included in people's comparison framework, in other words, we use the wrong comparison framework.

The stars are mixed with the entertainment industry, where the most beautiful people in the country gather, and any one of them may be the most beautiful, and they are eating by their faces, and once they find another beautiful young person, they will be anxious about whether their jobs are not safe.

Similarly, the first-class college students mixed with the first-class elite circle, open eyes are 985, so that he will still feel superior?

In this way, inferiority seems to be no big deal, no matter in which circle, which kind of framework, everyone has the possibility of inferiority, so everyone has the "right" to inferiority.

It doesn't matter which circle you are in or which level you are at, as long as there are people, there will be inferiority complexes because where there are people, there will be comparisons.

In other words, inferiority is the result of social comparison.

The new question is, if we can't compare ourselves to others, we will feel inferior, but can we overcome our inferiority complex by comparing ourselves?

I remember a divorce case in the Japanese drama Legal High, in which the man asked for a divorce from the woman because he found out that she was an artificial beauty and was originally very ugly. He felt cheated because he himself was ugly and worked hard to earn money so that he could marry a beautiful woman and make his children look good in the future. The woman, on the other hand, kept apologizing and asking her husband to forgive her after she was found out that she had plastic surgery. Through plastic surgery, she found a good job and improved her life to some extent, but she still had low self-esteem, and despite looking beautiful, she was afraid to marry a man with superior looks and retreated to marry her husband, and even then, she had to worry every day about the truth of being found out about her plastic surgery.

For this woman, even though she has become beautiful, she still has not gotten rid of the mentality of "I am not good - I am not worthy".

If you can't accept yourself from the bottom of your heart, external changes are just treating the symptoms but not the root cause.

Speaking of acceptance, take myself, I also grew up with low self-esteem.

One of the things I have the most inferiority complex is my height. Not surprisingly, the inferiority complex because of my short height is also a worry that comes from "comparing".

Since I was a child, one of the things I hated most was lining up and being assigned seats, because I was invariably compared in size. The most irritating thing is that the person who is placed in front of you by the teacher turns around and insists on comparing with you, and says that he is taller than you and should stand behind you. As if as long as he stood behind you, he would become more magnificent.

Later, when I accepted that I was short, I stopped being angry, and I even agreed to switch positions with him without any argument, because I understood that he, like me, was ashamed of being short, and he couldn't stand the feeling of being compared, and he didn't have the means to accept the fact that he was short.

In fact, before you even learn to walk, you start to be compared in size.

If you beat the other children, your mother will hear pleasant boasts: "You've raised your child well," "This child really follows the adults, after all, you are both tall"; if you don't, you may hear your mother's voice with a bit of regret and even some shame, "Yes, my child is not as tall as your child, he is too picky... ...". Before you are capable of hearing these words, you may have already understood what it means to feel inferior from the emotions of adults.

This brings me to my next point: no one is born with low self-esteem, so why do we learn to have low self-esteem?

There is a very important point, is also the most discussed factors, that is, the influence of the family of origin. First, let's tell you the story of our friend A

I'm good, but I don't deserve it?