What Not to Do After a Breakup

A few years ago I was in the relationship of my dreams, with a man who was perfect. He was the love of my life and we were gloriously happy. He was the one who I fully believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We had made a five year plan and knew what we both wanted and when we wanted it. There was nothing we couldn't get through together...

or so I thought...

Then there was the picture of another woman on his phone... I was even delusional enough to think we could work through it and still be happy. But no, he ended it and I was heart broken. The things he said to me at the end still cloud my view of myself today... So well, I made some mistakes that have changed my life forever.

1. The first thing to NOT do after a break up is allow their opinion of you to change your view of yourself.

I know this is pretty basic but it is very important. After a bad breakup your whole world is changed. Whether or not you did the ending of the relationship it still hurts. You had given this person a part of yourself and that is now gone. You had taken a part of them and they took it bad and now you need to figure out how to fill that void. Well, do not allow yourself to focus on the bad things they said or did. That is on THEM not on you.

2. DO NOT Move on Too Quickly

This can be hard. A lot of people believe you need a rebound- and honestly, after what I did, I do too. BUT do not date your rebound!!!!!! Your rebound is there to be fun and get your groove back, not to start a new relationship with. I made that mistake, two and half years later I have a one year old and am in custody court... So I say again DO NOT DATE YOUR REBOUND.

(Oh also, I say date meaning start a relationship with, not go out on dates because that's fine)

3. Don't Move in with Your Rebound

Whoops... yeah I actually did this. Ha.

Okay so I know this kind of goes hand in hand with number two but since I actually did it I feel it needs its own number... Also it is kind of self explanatory. Like, just don't do it.

4. Don't Overlook Your own Feelings

It is okay to be sad and hurt. It is also okay to be that way for a while. You do not need to move on quickly, you need to take your time and figure out who you are now outside of the relationship. Be sad. Be hurt. Be angry. Do it in your own time and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. It will save you heart ache in the long run, because whether or not you want to admit it to yourself those feelings are still there and will come out eventually.

5. Don't Cyber Stalk Your Ex... Too Much

Yes, I know you are going to watch their instagram and facebook to see what new things they are doing without you. Like who is that friend?? Is that a new haircut? I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT SHIRT BEFORE. Okay chill. Like you they are moving on from the life they had too and are going to be doing things to make themselves feel better. It might suck, maybe they already moved on. (My ex got married to the girl he cheated on me with two months later :O) It is going to hurt but that's life and you need to move on. So instead, I say let your bestie cyber stalk them and if anything too intense happens, they can tell you. Then maybe you wont be so inclined to stay up all night staring at that picture you took of them that they never deleted while eating a whole box of chocolate and downing a bottle of wine.

6. Don't Ever Let Yourself Believe You Were Better with Them

Don't ever allow yourself to go to a place where you think you can't live without them. Do not change yourself for them. Do not self sabotage.

I'm also going to add for my fellow drama queens out there. Don't do anything drastic after. Don't start any drama or sleep with their best friend. Be the bigger person. It'll feel better later. I promise.