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What Is the Attraction of Secret Relationships, Those Hidden From the Eyes of the World?

by John Rudd 5 months ago in advice
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Do you have such a relationship?

What Is the Attraction of Secret Relationships, Those Hidden From the Eyes of the World?
Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash

What is the attraction of secret relationships, those hidden from the eyes of the world? Some people meet secretly for various reasons: they work in the same institution that forbids relations between colleagues, one of them is married, one of them is the ex/ex of a good friend of the other, the family forbids their relationship…

But often when these relationships evolve and the partners come to recognize that they are a couple as if something was lost along the way, something of intensity and attraction disappears…

Why do secret relationships incite and attract? Precisely through the novelty of the experience and the effect of the "stopped apple" - you dare to have what is forbidden to you! To sneak, to go to isolated places, away from the eyes of the world, to know that you risk being caught, all these emotions incite and excite.

In addition, the social game - when you are in public and pretend not to know each other or that you are just friends, is also very attractive, exciting, and fun. You two are the only ones who know the secret and share it! It is as if you had two relationships: one public, recognized and accepted, and the other secret, intense and passionate.

This game in society - to pretend that you don't know the person or that you are just friends - is so exciting that it is played by well-known relationship partners, when they meet in the city and pretend they don't know each other!

Secret relationships involve the so-called "Romeo and Juliet effect": when outsiders (parents, bosses) forbid the relationship between two people, the effect is exactly the opposite, to strengthen the attraction, desire, and passion between the two people!

The relationships that must be hidden from those around them give the impression to the partners that they are the two against the world, that they have something to fight for together, and that only they live this crazy passion.

This psychological effect is especially noticeable in the case of adolescents: when parents forbid a teenager to meet someone, in particular, that person will exert an irresistible attraction for the adolescent!

Conversely, when parents value their child's boyfriend or girlfriend too much, he or she loses much of his or her interest and attraction to the person! But the effect works for everyone, regardless of age: we want what we can't have!

Another attractive ingredient implicit in secret relationships is the pleasant activities carried out together! Since the partners of the forbidden couple meet secretly, they will look for and find pleasant and exciting activities: intimate and secluded places, attractive pensions and hotels, trips out of town…

It is not often the case in secret relationships to cooking together, to clean, to work, to raise children… Since the partners do not live together, they do not face all the responsibilities, obligations, and roles involved in a stable and normal couple relationship.

Not you need to clean up, not your social obligations to see his / her friends, not your budgeting and shopping lists… Everything is simple and attractive when you have such a secret relationship: romantic dates in pleasant places, passionate sex parties, that's what this relationship entails…

Another thing in favor of secret relationships is a short time spent together: the fewer time partners spend together, the harder it is for them to find time and excuses to be able to see their lover, the more they value this time together. and they want more!

It has been shown that the key to a passionate relationship lies in successive periods of closeness alternating with periods of the distance between partners. Everyone feels the need to have little time for themselves, no matter how much they love their partner. In stable relationships in which the two live together and spend all their free time together, one of them sooner or later ends up feeling suffocated, needing a little freedom and independence.

And if the other person doesn't understand this need, the two of them have a real problem. But when it comes to secret relationships, then rarely do partners get tired of each other, on the contrary: the fact that it is so hard to hide and find time and place to see each other makes everything more exciting and attractive! The two have enough time to miss each other!

When it comes to secret relationships, sex is usually more exciting! You have to hide, run away from the eyes of the world, and this excites and gives the feeling of something risky and forbidden! It's like sex in public places or sex with strangers: the attraction is novelty, risk, and mystery!

The mechanism is logical: "you are never allowed to have sex with Alex"! What do you think about how you hear this rule? Having sex with Alex, of course! In addition, the lack of obligations in secret relationships, the fact that the two spend little time together, and the fact that they go to romantic and isolated locations increase the attraction, relaxation, and desire!

But at some point, all the secret relationships come to a standstill: either it ends because someone wants more, or they become regular relationships, the two acknowledge that they are a couple and taking risks. In the first case - when one of the partners gets tired of hiding as if doing something bad and wants more, while the other enjoys just hiding, everything is clear and can not get anywhere.

One of the partners made the mistake of not knowing why the other entered into the relationship: for passion and mystery, not for love! In the second case - when they both love each other and want to be recognized as having the right to be together, things can go well.

But often, when secret relationships become commonplace relationships recognized by the world around them, something is lost: mystery, passion, incitement. The two start a real-life together, without games, without hiding, without adventure.

It is good to remember that no matter how exciting secret relationships are, it is good that they are not long-lasting: either finish it quickly if you consider it just a passionate adventure, or insist on recognizing your relationship with others if love.

Because if you wait too long, you risk not being able to escape the mirage of these relationships on the sly. And there is no reason enough to justify your long-hidden relationship: if you are colleagues, you can negotiate with your boss, showing that you have something real, not an adventure; if he/she is the ex-girlfriend of a good friend, talk to this friend and in time he/she will understand that you did not do him/her any harm; and if one of you has another stable relationship or is married, it is time for a final decision and no return!

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John Rudd

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