What advice would I give to my teenage self?

One particular memory randomly materialized in front of my eyes when I thought about those terrible teenage years. It was a Sunday and I was attending one inter-school program and we had an impromptu quiz. The quiz master asked, what is the expansion of LPG? We were part of a girls-only school and the first thing that came to our mind was Liquid Petroleum Gas. The quiz master smirked and passed on that question to a boys-only group. The correct answer of Liberalisation, Privatisation & Globalisation came from their side. Needless to say, we were embarrassed and the smirk on the quiz master's face is something that I never forgot. Even without any explicit words, it was written in his face that girls would never think beyond Liquid Petroleum Gas and our destinies are forever tied to the four walls of the kitchen.

It was not an odd incident. If you are a woman, you would have faced such incidents countless times. My naive, teenage self thought that working hard, getting a better education, being financially independent and escaping from the patriarchal family would ensure that these incidents will not get repeated. Little did I know that these incidents will follow me wherever I go and there is not going to be any respite from the hurt inflicted by such incidents. In a co-ed school, you would be asked to clean up the mess the boys have left behind, in a professional college you would be assessed based on the dress you wear, in an office, your voice and ideas would be taken over by the male colleagues and finally, they would make you feel that there is something wrong with you.

You will spend half the lifetime figuring out that there is nothing wrong with you. It is the world that needs to be changed. But it is not something that is in our control. If I could turn back time, I would make sure that the below mistakes are never repeated.

When your mother told you not to cross-question elders, you should have ignored it. It would have made sure that you will never shy away from standing up for your beliefs.

When you were asked not to laugh loudly, you should have ignored it. You have the right to occupy this world and seek pleasure in anything you like. It would have made you own the person you are becoming.

You should have never tried to be that docile young woman who everybody would like. Sometimes unlikeability is a virtue too.

People will always judge you based on your gender. It doesn't mean that you should be fearful of asking questions. Let them think whatever they want and it never matters what they think. What matters is what you think of yourself. If you have given it your hundred per cent, nobody else's opinion matters.

Beauty is transitory. People will laugh at you for your skin colour, hair and lack of sophistication. It tells more about them than you. Before you even start to heal those wounds, the tables will be turned. It works that way. But you have to remain humble because beauty comes and goes. It is the inner beauty that matters.

There will be many days when you doubt yourself and wallow in self-pity. It is easier to forget the hard work you have put in and the sacrifices you made. Take stock of your achievements and be compassionate towards yourself.

You will never be a son to your parents. You don't have to prove your worth by abiding by society's expectations of a man. You are a woman and you do whatever feels right to you and that's always enough.

The irony is that we can never go back in time. But considering everything I have been through, I believe that I am doing alright. It is difficult to see that on most of the days. Even my thirty-four year old self is yet to learn self-compassion.