Unicorn Chick Bro Code

The good news..a chick can be a Bro. Here is how you deal with her.

Yes we can be Chick bros..meaning we think like the bros when it comes to being logical, and are not crazy like a majority of women and ruled by our emotions. Seriously we are the rarity, and while there is not an explaination why we exist it is.

The chick code is bad .. I am sorry for that. Here are are the revisions to the chick code for the bros when it come to a chick bro.

1. Chicks before dicks.. sorry always going to hang out with the guys. They are far less hung up on everything that is drama. They will forget a fight and not throw it in your face 10 years later. Even when they are tools they have always in my experience found a way to make up for they did, or what some other guy did.

2. There will no WOOhooing- Seriously conduct yourself as if you are a grown ass woman.

3. The Chick Code exists (I just got kicked out by the girls for even writing this- and am not upset about it.) The Bro Code exists and it might need a few revisions but it exists. So that means y'all guys are going to have to apply for Bro status and adopt this Chick bro.

4. Chick bros still like shopping, makeup and nails. We will also help you pick out clothes for dates, presents for girlfriends, wives and kids. It is the Chick Bro code that we must help out Bros so they don't get yelled out and if they do we must let them stay the night.

5. Really there has to be a rule for not staring at other chick's boobs.. Guys just don't be Kevin Diagou and do it in a Jalapeno's parking lot by your smart car, telling to get me to take you home when your backup plan.

6. Seriously if I am PMSing which is rare, I am going to say something so someone will bring me candy, and pizza because food actually is acceptable as a forgive me.

7. Thank You cards and the such are a mark of lady and are done out of sheer gratitude. You should not be forced to write them, you should write them because someone did something that truly matters to you.

8. If a chick bro gets critically injured, hurt or pregnant you go help her, and you have to take care of her... (side note..if you are looking to move out of bro status, with a Chick Bro it gets you cute points which are directly proportional to way in which you take care of her. It actually has gotten a few of my exes a girlfriend and lost some of my exes their best friend for falling to even acknowledge serious thing like sexual assault, animal theft and car theft that prevented people from being protected.) There is no joking about it until she is completely healed or no longer embarrassed. If a bro caused it .. He is persona non grata. There is never anything that justifies covering up anything a bro did if it seriously injured a woman. On the flipside, if a chick hurts bro, she will have to endure the wrath of a pissed off female with a lot of bros. A smart girl with a lot of bros can literally bring down anything and anyone.

9. If your chick bro gets dumped it is your responsibility to kick his ass guys. Same goes for if he hurts her, or does anything you wouldn't want anyone to do to your mom, daughter or sister. She is a sister, therefore you must defend her honor and make it better, no matter the cost or effort. If you get dumped, chick bro always takes your side and finds you someone better.

10. Moving- you should help her, and she will buy pizza and beer. Bros are not free slave labor. You always make sure they eat and have a drink and hug them to say thank you. It is not acceptable to use your boobs as currency or promises of them getting to use your vagina. That is called manipulation and leading them on. Just like men are not to be used for free meals unless you are actually interested and used is not the right word. There can be bro dates- defined a bro date is a man and woman not sexually involved that have a meal together because no one should eat alone, are often a way of a bro apologizing for hurting her because "I am sorry" seems to be something bros have a hard time with.

11. On dinner dates, chick bros eat what they want. If they are hungry, they eat what they like. If they aren't, they don't.

12. Chick bros are all for love. They just don't want to see their bros hooked up with a hot mess. We would rather find you someone you could be happy with. We love our friend bros like they are our blood brothers, we will kick the ass of anyone who hurts them too. We don't want our bros dating a psycho so we have to kick her ass later. It is better to just vet his choices and let him know very quickly what hell he is about to face.

13. A Chick bro is not going to lie to you about your girlfriend and what a mess she is. She is going to tell you "I am here to help" but don't expect her to not call you a jackass if you deserve it. You can be wrong. Then she will find you a better one, because she truly wants you to be happy. Even if her love life is a disaster, she will enjoy knowing all about that you are happy.

Chick bro don't lie. They may find a way to legally reframe the information in order to make it look better, but this not lying.

14. If someone asks about a Chick Bros exes..it isn't like her love life is a secret, just make sure she ends up with a good one.

15. A Chick bro never acts like a whore. Drinking does not actually give you a license to be a sorority girl when you forty, and making out with a guy outside of an elevator is not attractive. Kissing yes, holding hands yes, but not acting like it Prom Night and you have the hormones of a 18 year old.

16. A Chick Bro should be able to recite the following at all times- the coolest caliber of firearm on the market, the best place to eat, where to buy the coolest tech, how to help you date the unicorn from the Crazy Hot/ matrix and where the woman you are dating falls on it. We should be able to tell you where to buy the chick you are dating or married to something nice and she should offer to go get it for you, and you can trust her with your credit card.

17. Chick bros do not scream at their co-workers and the very fact that there is an acceptable Pyramid of Screaming is just stupid. Total assholes can be sunk with a few well chosen words, incompetence can be out done, and if they are inappropriate she goes and tells a bro and he dishes out whatever punishment he deems justified.

18. A Chick bro can date your bros. It doesn't mean you have to take sides but if he hurts her, it is your responsibility to punish him into have to live through what he put her through until he is man enough to apologize even if he is forced to but you don't have to chose between them.

19. You should respect the military no matter who you are. However, ex and current military do not stand for anyone who was military who hurt anyone knowingly. If the actions of a former military dishonor the military they don't get protected. Bad military dishonor us all. Military blood is family, but when family dishonors us we stand up for the person they hurt. My adopted dad was an ex Navy Seal, a man whose code ran deep and who sacrificed his law enforcement career to help his partner's wife, who shot his own son when he raped a woman, and then hired the women he raped after he paid for all her expenses until she was able to go back to work. We never dishonor the military, and when the military does we hold them accountable. When there is injustice and the system fails we stand together as a family. We never chose the side of the aggressor. He had a purple heart and he gave me the teddy bear he took to Navy Seal training his mother gave him as a child, inside of it was a St. Christopher's metal, with his phone number on it. It was one of my most prized possessions. Not because of what it was, but because this man trusted me with his business and made me me family for my grandfather.

20. A chick bro saying a a guy is cute or hot is not threat to anyone's husband or boyfriend. It is an observation and nothing more. It is a compliment, just as if a man could compliment a woman and tell her she is attractive doesn't mean that he is trying to sleep with her. Bros get this. You can say a bro is cute and not date him. You can say a married man is attractive and it is merely a compliment. Chick bros always have no problem drawing the line between bros and boyfriends. We just get along better with the bros because they have our 6, and are there when we need them.

21. Chick bros love gays. They are awesome for everything and it does not effect their masculinity. In fact, they always are awesome bros.

22. Bros are bros there is no "can't be a bro" because of .. the only disqualifier is being an asshole, ignoring a chick bro or violation of any of the aforementioned rules. However, as bros you can not blame her being crazy, psycho or otherwise mentally ill to cover your ass when you do something wrong and she calls you out on it.

23. A Chick bro can date anyone she wants. If a bro is reclassified as a cutie, and then does something in violation of the boyfriend code, she can date his friends. In fact, Taylor Swift made this okay in Picture to Burn with "There's no time for tears , I'm just sitting here planning my revenge There's nothing stopping me from going out with all of your best friends And if you come around saying sorry to me My daddy's (and my bros) gonna show you how sorry you'll be. The is always a chance for bros to get to cutie status. However, if you hurt chick bro you are going to have a lot of explaining to do and not just to her. You are never forgiven until the bros have determined your penance has been paid.

24. If there is a disagreement between anyone and chick bro these are the rules. Chick bro's don't do strip and wrestle. This is reserved for woman who can never be classified as a chick bro. Chick bro's just state the facts and let them speak for themselves. If you are so petty that you will attack someone based on your behavior, chick bro is merely going to make it public knowledge and let people judge you based on your behavior. Case and point Lanna H- this woman is so petty that she took $25, 000 worth of property I have been trying to recover for almost two years and decided to hide the location of it, her phone number, and tell me that I deserved to be raped and have law enforcement in Chatham County assist with covering it up. No woman deserves to be raped, and have everyone turn on her especially someone who committed a crime and Chatham County PD covered it up. No woman deserves to have any of the things done to her that I have by the grace of god survived and be told by every especially a someone who should be in jail for a felony that she is at fault. A chick bro takes the high road, she is not required to forgive or forget, nor is it on her to live which insults, threats and an attempt to cover up what was done to her. However, Lanna also threw a fit during a a hurricane evacuation and let me carry the financial cost of paying for her and her son while I had a sick animal, was so petty she is still throwing her son threatening to assault me just months after I was raped, and a victim of domestic violence by a Pooler PD officer and thinking Savannah Police department was stalking her at work because of me. Chick bros, handle things within the law, and while it may hurt them they do what is right.

25. You never ruin anyone's outfit because you have the same taste. You compliment her and move on.

26. Chick bros do not get tramp stamps, they may get tattoos representing their first responder family, but they do not have tramp stamps. Anyone who classifies a symbol of law enforcement and fire as a tramp stamp is clearly nuts and not part the family.

27. Chick bros do not walk around with their boobs hanging out of shirts, do not force other woman to see them naked when coming out of the shower, while using the bathroom, or any other situation which would imprint their naked body in the brain of a woman that can not be unseen. Ladies, class it up please. No one needs the visual of you sitting on a toilet using the bathroom with your legs spread. I lived in USAF dorm with all men and did not see this kinda of nonsense.

28. Chick bros always help other chick bros..we are few and far between and have to be a resource for each other. We do not allow other non chick bros to hamper the progress of our bros or other chick bros.

29. We only share popcorn with a date and then it must have extra extra butter.

30. We comparison shop - this is about the only one that is right.

31. When we are looking for a relationship we don't chase men. If a man likes you he will make the effort. Nice guys always finish first.

32. We don't have to get married before 40, or because we are pregnant. That does not determine anything.

33. A chick bro does not get forced to see other woman half naked, copping a squat and exposing herself to the entire world. We do not get out the shower naked, and force another woman to see us naked. It is acceptable to wrap yourself in a towel and walk to your room to get clothes if they were forgotten. We do not go to Walmart in our pajamas, work for Doordash without a bra and let our boobs hang out. No wife beaters, no prison tattoos on our necks and for the love of god we do not scream at men like they are little children in public.

34. There is nothing wrong with owning sex toys .. they prevent pregnancy from idiots.

35. Chick bros don't care if you watch porn, and if they want to watch it they do. They don't porn shame. Seriously, they just don't want to hear about you jacking off to it.

The most important chick bro rule- In the event of a disagreement, if you need help, or a chick bro needs help the disagreement is suspended until the crisis is resolved. When the crisis is resolved then the disagreement can be revisited. We never leave a bro or chick bro behind, we never don't return emails, texts, phone calls or text messages. We always keep our word. If we say it we expect it will be done, and if it is told to us we expect it will be followed through on.

@UnicornCarebear Cash App

@UnicornLegal Buy me coffee

@unicorn_muse instagram

Things that are an absoulte falsehood:

A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of commonsense. Especially, if she is really hot!! Some of the most beautiful women have a brain...It just makes them extra rare.

A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. Seriously- house is on fire, I am more worried about if the firefighters are cute.

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. No you take it off.

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up. No buy the right make up.

A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween. - No you do not.

A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone. No we also don't apply make up when we are driving and we do not hit things with cars.