Uncovering the Hidden Reasons Behind Marriages

Suppose you got married, what’s different from your earlier life? You were having fun with the same woman or man a week ago. Maybe you were in a live-in relationship, so you were staying together too. What has changed now? Many people may answer that the couple proved their commitment by marrying. In precise, they won’t “leave each other now.” Why is this marriage needed to show the commitment? Is marriage another way to kill negative contingencies about your partner? Have you married your partner to shut other doors?

Most people will hesitate to associate such negative connotations with their “beautiful” marriage relationship. I don’t want to overhaul your brain with my arguments. I want you to think for yourself and know the answer to “why you want to get married to someone?”. I have thought about some things which work as a synonym for marriage in various aspects. I also looked up various resources to know the answers for:

• Why were marriages started? Were there any mutual benefits involved?

• Does economic liaison play a role in this ritual? Why do people marry at all?

• What's the history of the term “marriage”? How did it work thousands of years ago? Are the purposes still the same?

• Do people hide other thoughts or insecurities behind marriages?

Here are some of the things I found out.

Marriage Justifies Your “Love”

The most prevalent and illogical reason I found out after viewing plenty of interviews and observing things around me was that marriage justifies or proves that you love someone. In precise, it shows your so-called commitment. In countries like India, people are dogmatic about this belief. They didn’t have any concrete reason for believing this apart from societal hearsays.

First of all, if you think that your partner needs to marry you to justify their love or show their commitment, it's time for reassessing your belief. For example, if you’re in a live-in relationship with your partner and he stays with you without any marriage, that is the biggest commitment. Anyone can leave anytime, and no one is stopping them. If the girl doesn’t love her boyfriend anymore, there are no legal disputes that may arise if she decides to leave anytime, and this freedom supports your commitment. A person proves his commitment just by tarrying in a live-in relationship, whereas marriage creates a restriction on a person. Marriage bounds a person with their partner's consent, and the couple might be living a loveless marriage.

From this perspective, marriage is working as an opposite restraining order. Couples want a mutual assurance about each other’s commitment because they want to kill their doubt or, more appropriately, “contingency.” People believe their partner may leave in the near future, so marriage serves the purpose here. The doubt that your partner might devise should be enough for you to avoid marriage at all.

Incentives Behind Marriage Were Materialistic

According to The Spruce, the main reason behind marriage in 1250–1300 CE was forming relations with other families for mutual benefits that involved various economic reasons. Love was not all the factor, and as a matter of fact, the people involved didn’t have much to say about the decision then, and it was just a “deal.” Nowadays, that's not the case except in arranged marriages.

The term “Love Marriage” itself can be debated. If there is already “love” involved, why do people need “marriage?” It's a mutual agreement of shutting down doors for each other and making them feel “committed.” Another reason can be anchoring the past rituals with present beliefs. Anchoring usually happens in stock markets. People try to anchor the past with current economic conditions and convince themselves to socialize on psychological quirks. However, the past doesn’t have any relations with the present.

Currently, marriages don’t have any specific reason if we consider the condition that gave rise to marriages. Nowadays, people that are in love marry each other not because of the reasons that led to the origination of the “Institution of Marriage.” Psychological reforms have been made in this regard inside people’s heads, but we don’t have any concrete reasons for marriages in present scenarios. Marriage provides a veil for clearing out your insecurities and self-doubts.

Researches & Conclusion

In many of the online articles regarding “Successful Marriage,” I have found one common statement that involves showing your spouse that you’re thankful for having him or her in your life. I think people can show that they are thankful for having each other even without marriage, and it might lead to a successful “relationship,” and that’s it. You don’t need to marry someone if you know that someday you’ll need to google— Keys to a successful marriage.

Let them be them, Let us be us — BTS

You don’t need to be like “them,” marrying someone is not a problem. You can marry anyone for whatever reasons, and reasons can be your insecurities, doubts, etc. You don’t need to justify your reasons to anyone but at least state them to yourself and then make a decision.

If you want to be assured that your partner won’t leave you, just accept that “I am marrying this person for my assurance.” There is no problem with that. This behavior has helped Mark Manson, and it can definitely help you. If you have any other negative contingencies about your relationship and want to clear them out with marriage, no problem with that too! But don’t lie to yourself.

Mark Manson has clearly stated in one of the blogs about his wife. He tried to convey the importance of transparency and truthfulness in a relationship. He gave an example that if his wife asked him, “How am I looking?” if she is looking terrible, he simply replies, “You’re looking terrible” No veil of being nice. Apply this transparency in your life, think about why you need to marry your partner, give a complete long answer to yourself that states all the facts (only facts!) and tell it to your partner if you want. The goal of this activity is to avoid any false belief that might hide the real purpose of your decisions. .”

Marriage, to women as to men, must be a luxury, not a necessity; an incident of life, not all of it — Susan B. Anthony

This beautiful quote by Susan B. Anthony conveys my concluding point pretty accurately — Don’t think marriage is a necessity. Marriage must remain a part of life, don’t let it cover up your whole life. Just take the right decision with a crystal clear mind, and that’s it.

Think. Analyze. Act.