Twin Flames

Epic Romances, what are they truly? Who judges how or why they are epic? Generations and decades full of them. Why those ones and not others? We talk of soulmates, one true loves, and twin flames; but what are we really talking about? Is there destined to be one perfectly imperfect person for each of us, even though seven billion of us live on this earth? Forgive me, but I am not fully sold on this idea or notion.

Yet here is a story not of epic romances, but of twin flames burning out in the form of heartbreak and loneliness. Unrequited love turned sour. Two people meant only to be a small chapter in the other's life, yet make an everlasting impact in which all relationships are tested against. You may ponder as to why this seems so real, so raw, so painful and that my dears is because it is. This is the story of the loss of my twin flame.

Everyone says they remember the magical moment they knew they were in love, or felt an inkling of it, and it's true. I remember seeing her there for the first time. Curly brown locks highlighted with streaks of blonde shining in the lighting of the office space. Dark grape purple top with army green pants to contrast. Sat there typing away in the main lobby of the shared office and communal lounge area. Nodding along to her company's words and thoughts, she worked. Their voices fading away as I watched her, unable to move, to speak, to think. I was awestruck, never had I seen such beauty, stunning good looks at this school before. Being 21 at the time and an openly gay female I noticed women, but this one? She was different on every level. Her company was drowned out by her true beauty in my eyes. My heart stopped, ringing in my ears began, and once our eyes met fireworks exploded. Sparks shooting out as cliché as it sounds.

A hello sounded from those gorgeous lips, a voice as sweet as honey. Stuttering back a reply mentally kicking myself as it happened, I sat and began to work on my own assignments. Saying hello to the others in the room, I glanced once more and noticed a faint smile on those precious pink lips. Time moved forward and we grew closer. Inseparable almost. Group Chats, Game nights with a mutual group of friends, bonding nights and activities, parties, and group adventures and outings. This was our new normal. Eventually these nights turned in one on ones, dinner and movie dates, hours on the phone, text chains, and the bond was sealed. Two pieces of a puzzle fitting snugly next to one another. Yin and Yang of it all if you will.

As the bond grew stronger the more hypnotized I became. Under her spell, I was at her mercy. Anything she wanted I would get or I would do for her. I was tangled and fully involved in her life. Never before had I felt like this. Love? Is this truly what I was feeling? For years I hid from love, closing myself off to protect my heart, yet here she was battering ram and all knocking down every brick of the wall I had built around myself. Was it love? Destiny? Or truly just the perfect friendship? Thoughts swirling daily in my head, biting my tongue to keep from reveling my true emotions, and crying into my pillow nightly. This became my routine. Fighting tears when dates were mentioned, watching her flirt with others then cuddle against me later on, yet I kept it respectful. I never crossed the line. I held my head high and tried to move on. My friends were split, half telling me to go for it and the other half telling me to cut my losses and move on. I was at my crossroad. My decision point. The climax of my life's movie. May seem dramatic, but when you're 21, in college, and in love what's not dramatic right?

This proved difficult on a daily basis however. Our friends began to say we were dating without sex, that we would make a cute couple. And they became defensive for me. Yet I stood by her side, I always stuck up for her, chose her, fought for her, and fixed any and all problems of her that I could. But there was my downfall, as I was fixing her I was destroying myself. One night of drunken mistakes led to my inevitable demise. Months of longing and shared emotions and passions led to the single greatest and single worst night of my young life. Then began the secret meetings, exchanges of love shared behind closed doors, sworn secrecy in front of friends and loved ones. This was the beginning of the end for my twin flame and I. Another fatal mistake of lesbian falling for straight yet questioning best friend. This among other factors led to our falling out.

I like to think our time together was an epic romance, but it wasn't because the girl didn't get the girl in the end. The sad truth is that it's just the story of a lovestruck young girl falling for her older best friend. Unrequited love, heartbreak, loneliness, and sadness became my reality. Not a day goes by that I am not thinking of my twin flame, wondering how she is, wondering if she is happy and feeling loved, and wondering if she by chance misses me as well.

My twin flame gone, lost, never to be mine again. That's the point of a twin flame, they are there as something more than just a friend. They are two people sent to each other through fate to help each other grow, learn, love, and move on. Twin flames are never meant to spend together forever, but meant to help each other see what works and doesn't work in life and love. My twin flame if you are out there I thank you for our time, our happiness, our memories, and our love. May you always burn and shine bright my twin flame. I love you and I will never forget you. To all others I hope you have met your twin flame and when you do I hope you cherish what they have done for you and brought to your life.