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Twenty 1

By N.tti

By N.ttiPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
1
Life comes at you fast!!

Dear twenty 1,

as in my twenty one year old self. I truly don’t expect anything from this year because one thing 2020 taught me, is to RID of all my expectations. 2020 came in like a lioness after a gazelle on the discovery channel. We were the gazelles by the way and 2020 was the lioness. The lioness 2020 started really slow and low on the grass. The gazelles drank by the fountain, prancing into the new year with its perfect double digits, seemingly symbolic of balance. “2020 vision” we said, with all the hope and happiness in the world. Then BOOM! All that was in our vision was the lioness 2020, coming in totally left field from the wilderness of the future.

Honestly it was not all bad because all though the strucks of the lioness left the gazelles bewildered, caught off guard, wounded, exhausted, anxious, uncertain and so much more; for the gazelles not ended by this lioness, there were many lessons to be learned.

In the beginning of 2020 I was an average 20 year old college student trying to figure out what I wanted to be in life and who I wanted to be in life. I was taking life day by day. Although I had anxieties about the future, there was still an ease in my mind. “I have time”, “I’m only 20” would constantly replay in my head. These affirmations were positive but so misleading. I don’t have time and I was not “only” 20 I was just simply 20. No, this is not a diss to myself. I know at 20 I wasn’t supposed to have all the answers or my life completely figured out. I know that is what the affirmations in my head were trying to assure me off. Those same affirmations, were kind of stopping me from living my life to the fullest extent. I was simply breathing and I was fine but I was not living and EXTATIC. Simply breathing and being fine is okay until...Miss. Corona 19 strolled up into everyone’s life.

See I use to be the type of person to say I am not afraid to die, if I go I go. Turns out it’s a whole different ball game when you see death knocking at people doors and aren’t sure when it’s coming to yours. I couldn’t stand the thought of witnessing a loved one having to take their last breath or vise versa. Suprisingly the first few days of this new found virus, I was on edge. My thoughts were like a blizzard in my head. “What do I do now?” “What about my unfulfilled plans” “IS THIS REALLY IT” I spent the first half off quarantine fixated on those questions and fixated on the fact that the world was potentially ending.

One day I was scrolling through Instagram and my friend posted a story of a mediation she does. With all the anxiousness and uncertainty flowing through my body, what harm could a meditation do, right? RIGHT! The soul purpose of meditation is to get you into a present state of mind, where you are appreciating yourself and the people or things surrounding you. I know it might be hard to see what there could be to appreciate in a time like 2020 but fortunately I did. I saw that I was still here, my family...still here, my plans that I was so scared I couldn’t fulfill in the future...STILL HERE.

Don’t worry my rambling little self did not forget the purpose of this, which is 2021. With out getting through 2020 I couldn’t even address 2021. It’s ironic how the very year that forced me to ask my self these questions, was the same year to answer them. I can’t wait to take all the self reflecting and unasked for but much needed growth from 2020 in to 2021.

2021 the year, I don’t expect anything from because that lesson has been learned. As far as me in 2021 I will no longer just take life day by day. I will make life day by day. I don’t want to just take life for what it is I want to make it into what I want while I’m here. If that’s still confusing to understand instead of saying something like “corona virus is ruining everything” it will be more like “corona virus is ruining everything but clearly it has yet ruin me.” I want to continue to follow my passions that the boredom of quarantine reconnected me with like my writing and my painting. I want to love my loved ones more and more each day while we have each other. I want to keep goal setting, laughing so hard I cry, and lastly I want my fellow gazelles to realize how amazing it is. We made it!!

humanity
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About the Creator

N.tti

Island girl cruzin through the writing world ✨🌗

Ig:N.tt.ii

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