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Turtle Pace

by Cindy Gust 2 years ago in humanity

Slow with grace

I don’t know what it is you and your friends need from me. I know I made a mistake. I’ve apologized several times. I’ve gone through hell and back. I don’t know what more is wanted from me. I haven’t always been this dumb. Or not get a joke. But people really don’t take into consideration what he has done to me. Of course I take responsibility. I didn’t throw it out there, then just walk away. I owned it as soon as I threw it.

My lack of trust has nothing to do with the past. My lack of trust comes from the present. And the fact that my person allowed it to go on and on, when he knows what really bothers me. And if you’ve lost patience with me on something I feel is huge, how much quicker will you lose patience on minor things. You don’t feel responsible for anything. I’m sorry, but where I come from relationships are 50/50. I would never just throw you to the Christians and then walk away and close the door,

I’m not apologizing anymore. I’ll go it alone if I have to. Because I cannot get myself to take full responsibility. If you loved me at all, you would admit you got lazy. Cold. Silent treatments. But, maybe it was just me. No, I don’t think it was.

I’m doing my best with the situation that I’m in. If somebody would come forward, I could maybe move past the big question I’ve always had, “Is this real or am I imagining things? The only person that seems to know won’t come forward. But why would he keep stringing me on if he didn’t care? I would think that if you didn’t really care about somebody you would just leave them alone (hint hint).

Remember that book we were supposed to read so many years ago, “5 Love Languages”? What is your love language, Bill? Mine are acts of gifts. So, if you feel I need to come down on the neediness why don’t you just buy me gifts? That’s a language I understand. Since that is my love language send me a card once in awhile. I’ll have something tangible then. To remind me, so I don’t have to keep coming to you.

So, what is your love language?

I kind of get the feeling that everybody thought this was fun and games at first. But something also tells me they’re getting just as tired of it as I am. They’re talking to an abused person that has some disabilities, and cd issues. They knew that, they thought they’d teach me a lesson, but I think we’ve all been had. I don’t know what goes on in the real world. I’ve been isolated my whole life. I tried a free website and thought it was fun. The little kid riding the pony, I guess. I didn’t realize anybody even paid attention to me. I’ve never had much, and I dont have any spectacular education. Your friends took advantage of me, and there is no way around that.

Of course I forgive you. I always do. But for once I would like a confession. And if you can’t then you can’t. But I still stand by my truth. I fought a good fight to the end. And if people think this is about right or wrong? Or a competition? That’s why I’m last in the race. I didn’t get the memo.



Cindy Gust

Read next: Being Optimistic Isn't Enough

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