As children, many of us are taught the importance of honesty and trust, always. I learned from a very young age the importance of trust and how easily it can be lost. And, even as a child, it was obviously clear that once trust is lost, getting it back can be impossible. Trust and honesty are two traits that go hand in hand for me and many others. Without one, there can’t be the other, at least where I stand. As children, we grow up trusting that the adults in the family will take care of us and protect us from harm.
From my own personal experience, I know how it feels to lose trust in people that I should have always been able to trust. It was my first boy/girl relationship with a guy from a neighboring county that taught me how easily trust between two people can be lost. For my own personal reasons, I never dated any of the guys at my high school. The main reason was because many of my male classmates liked to be addressed as “player” because it made them feel like they could have any girl they found interesting. Even more strange is that these “players” were the boys that many of the girls would be fighting over on a regular basis. As a teenager in my junior high and high school, I witnessed, first hand, how quickly certain boys would lie to certain girls, whom they wanted to spend time with, if only for a few hours. Most of the time, those same boys already had girlfriends whom they had convinced were “the only girl for me.”
Throughout my high school years, I considered my personality to be that of an introvert because I was shy and standoffish with little to say to anyone. After losing my best friend from a blood clot that erupted in her head, I had no desire to become a part of the usual cliques. Still, my shy personality did not stop guys, from schools in other counties, from talking to me. At age 16, a guy I’ll call Chex (fictitious name) started pursuing me through regular weekend visits to my home, after we were introduced through a mutual friend. Initially, I told Chex that I had a boyfriend in college because the guy I was interested in having a relationship with was a junior in college. When I finally convinced myself that my college friend and I likely had no future, I decided to give Chex a chance. He had been so persistent in showing me how much he liked me. I figured “he just may be the one.”
That belief was short-lived when, shortly after we began dating, I happened to be in Chex’s neighborhood one day and observed him riding around with another girl in his car, sitting very close to him while he was cruising through the complex with his music playing. I made sure Chex didn’t see me there that day. I wanted to question him about some things, mainly his interest in me. And, when that opportunity presented itself, I took advantage of it in a casual way. Instead of asking Chex about his feelings for me, I asked if he was seeing anyone else. For a moment, by the guilty expression that covered his face right away, I thought Chex was going to come clean with me. Instead, he looked directly into my eyes and said “Come on now, you know you can trust me. Ain't no other girl riding in my car.” Too bad cellphones hadn’t been created yet.
Still, I knew Chex was lying, through my own observation, not hearsay. Needless to say, I lost all trust in him that day, since it was so easy for him to look me in my face and lie. Had it not been for my intuition warning me to be careful with Chex, I would have been hurt by the outcome. However, I wasn’t hurt in the least bit. Knowing the truth about the relationship, I moved ahead with my life, with Chex still a part of it, for the next few years. And, when Chex realized I was no longer the sweet and kind girl that was always available for him, he moved on. Not once did I share a tear over the ending of that relationship because I knew Chex wasn’t the guy for me.
Whether a relationship is personal or professional, the element of trust is of the utmost importance to me. And, once that’s gone, I lose all interest in that person or profession. It was during my former job in a large plant-like building that my trust in the supervisor over my department was betrayed. And, though we were always cordial at work, she didn’t hesitate when it came to her attempts at humiliating me in front of my coworkers, whom she was known to hang out with after work hours. At first, I blamed myself for not meeting production quotas. So, I buckled down, worked harder and quickly began to surpass quotas set for my position in that department. Still, that supervisor, whom I’ll call Ms. X, was determined to keep me feeling incompetent about my duties. And, after going over that supervisor’s head to complain about her treatment of me, I quickly learned that my complaint would go unresolved because the two of them were seeing each other after work, on what many considered an inappropriate personal level. It was extremely disappointing to learn that little to no trust could be put in management of that company. Eventually, I decided that wasn’t the place for me to work and left.
What some people fail to realize is karma is real! I sincerely agree with the idea that the way we treat others soon comes back to us, whether that treatment is good or bad. So, I try to make it a habit, or common practice to treat people the way I prefer to be treated! Since those experiences of lost of trust in the aforementioned personal and professional relationships, I have learned to be less naive and less gullible when it comes to putting my trust in people. I’m more observant of a person’s attitude and behavior patterns when they’re around me, especially someone whom I may spend a lot of time with on a personal or professional level. Trust is an extremely fragile quality that has to be earned! There’s no doubt in my mind that a person who is a compulsive, or impulsive, liar cannot be trusted because telling the truth is of little importance to him or her! Those are people to avoid like the plague. Either way it goes, I will continue to follow one of the most important scriptures of the Good Book, “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.”