Toxic Relationships

The words toxic relationship has been tossed around a lot in social media and in psychology. A lot of people do not realize that they are in a bad relationship until it is too late. The fact is getting cold feet before your wedding is not a good sign. If you are having second thoughts about marrying the person you're with then that means you are not sure about the relationship and that is a red flag. You need to be sure that this is the person you're meant to be with. However, that being said here are a few signs to look for before you tie the knot.

1. Trust. Do you trust the person you’re with? When he or she says something do you wholeheartedly believe them? or is there a voice in your head doubting them? If you do have that voice in your head do you want to marry someone you can’t trust? No. I know I definitely don’t want that second-guessing in my life.

2. Follow through. Does he or she follow through on what they say? Do they make promises and then follow through or do you know to not hold your breath? Do all the plans you make fall apart or do they stick? If they fall apart around every turn then do you want someone you can’t rely on at every level?

3. Comfortable with lying. If the person you’re with is comfortable with lying to the people in your life or their life then that’s a red flag. It shows a lack of maturity on his or her part. If they are comfortable lying to others then chances are he or she will at one point lie to you as well. That does not set a solid foundation for marriage let alone a relationship.

4. All the love, compromise, and effort are coming from you. If you are the one that is putting in thought and effort into anniversaries and he or she doesn’t even bother with remembering it, then that person does not deserve you. If you are constantly trying to make a good impression on his or her friends and family and that person does not do the same for your friends or family, then they are not on the same page as you. It sucks being the one that constantly does everything for that other person and not getting the same treatment.

5. Look at how he or she treats their parents. I know not everyone has fantastic parents, It's different for everyone but if he or she swears or yells at their parents or loved ones then that’s a sign they are not ready for a commitment because that’s how a teenager acts. I don’t think that’s a good relationship to be in because that yelling and type of behavior will be transferred to you.

6. Never taking your side. If she or he are constantly agreeing with their parents over you. That’s a huge issue, that means they will never stick up for you when you need them to.

7. Financially irresponsible. When you have a large wedding coming up and decides to buy a new fancy car instead. That is a large red flag. That means that they will always put themselves first before you. You should be the priority of every large decision.

8. Lack of self-care. I understand this the most. You start to let go of your usual habits. Starting to work out less and less. You start to withdraw from the things you loved such as hobbies and healthy habits. You feel like you are sacrificing your free time. That’s where a lot of unhappiness comes from and eventually it can grow to become resentment.

9. Withdrawing from your hobbies. This happens a lot in bad relationships, you start to stop doing the things you love, you stop reading, you stop creating art or whatever your hobby used to be and you only spend time doing whatever the other person likes to do. You no longer recognize yourself in the mirror, you become a stranger to yourself.

10. You feel exhausted. Being in a bad relationship makes you lose sleep and you are constantly wondering why you are so tired. I remember coming home from work and feeling absolutely exhausted all the time. Then, once things changed I am a lot more energetic and I still have the energy to go out and meet my friends. It is emotionally draining to be in a bad relationship with someone.

11. The little green machine. This is called envy, you start to look at your friends' relationships and you grow envious of them because you see them at peace and they are happy and you want that same feeling, but you are not experiencing it.