Tongue Tied

When I started writing "Mirror Image", I did so to give a pretty vulnerable but honest glimpse into the life of someone on the spectrum, especially a part of most people's everyday life that when it comes to Autistic people, we don't immediately think of them dating. Most people think of an autistic person and immediately think of a non-verbal kid who likes math and/or makes weird noises when they see animals. I know you think of that, and don't worry it's fine. That's what a lot of people have been exposed to, so that's the first image that comes to mind.

But what I notice about a lot of the discourse around Autism and Autistic people is that we talk about them as kids. We don't acknowledge that Autistic kids will bite the Apple of time and become Autistic Adults. Adults with feelings and lives of their own. I'm 25, I've had fully grown people treat me like a child after realizing I'm Autistic. Infantilizing Autistic people is not okay. That might be a hot take, I don't know, but treating someone on the spectrum differently because they're on the spectrum isn't just almost a kind of discrimination, it just is.

I didn't start talking properly until I was 12 years old, I have Ataxia which is commonly co-morbid with Autism. Usually causing balance issues and speech issues. I still have Ataxia but it mainly causes balance issues now, I have no problem speaking unless that problem is an inability to shut up when I need to... in which case that is a problem. But because I was essentially mute until the age of 12, my life's goal pretty much from the age of 10 was "yelling" at adults telling them to speak to me like a normal kid and not like I was an idiot.

I remember my cousin pointing out that "although he doesn't speak, he will throw the dictionary at you if you piss him off"... some things don't change.

If I could describe what being Autistic is like, I understand far more than what I can explain. What I mean by that is, I know what I want to say, but I either can't or I don't know how to translate what's in my head to the outside world. Eye contact is like an emergency reset button for my brain, I can be mid-conversation and completely forget where I am if someone locks eyes with me. I see faces but I can't label the emotion that's painted on them. It's like being deaf but everyone around you is using Arabic Sign Language.

I think those metaphors kind of paint a picture of what it's like, the world is inclusive, but it still wasn't built for us. Case in point, only 22% of Autistic Adults are in any kind of employment. I can't know why the other 78% aren't in employment. But I can hazard a guess based on the jobs I've had. I've left one of my jobs because I told the boss to stop looking at me and they still kept insisting eye contact with me, telling me something to the effect that I'll "get used to it eventually", I'm 25, I still haven't.

There's this idea that people have that as people on the spectrum get older they "grow out" of their symptoms. Trust me, we don't, we just get good at hiding them in front of you. But it's exhausting, being in a hot, sweaty building with a boss who doesn't back the hell off and customers who insist they glare into your soul for 4 minutes of small talk will put you off having a normal 9 to 5.

Like I get most people don't like their jobs, but masking symptoms can be physically painful. Especially if you are sensitive to certain sounds, tastes, smells, etc at a workplace. All of the above plus a rush-hour number of customers whilst masking can result in some pretty explosive outbursts from Autistic people. Like masking symptoms to make everyone else comfortable around you like holding back an explosive sneeze, It hurts and you can put it off after a while but all you need is some pepper and some guy standing too close to you before you "accidentally" headbutt your manager.

If there was any bit of advice that I could airdrop into anyone's mind but especially employers. If an Autistic kid, colleague, or adult tells you to stop chewing loudly, standing so close to them, or raising your voice. Listen to them, because if someone on the spectrum is trying to do something, you know like eat, or do their job and you are getting up in their face or makes noises that tilt them the wrong way. You are kind of backing them into a corner and can't be that surprised if they shove you back, metaphorically or literally.

Do we hate you? No, Is it a temper tantrum? No, Are we just people with a long fuse that's already half-burnt through due to masking on the way to work? Absolutely, yes. Always bare in mind that most Autistic people you meet are masking their true selves. Not because of sinister reasons. It's because as a kid we were taught by society that our true, quirky selves weren't acceptable, which brings me to my final point.

Let Autistic people remain openly Autistic as adults, don't shun or scald your child for being "weird" for example, flapping their hands, rocking back and forward, repeating phrases, etc. Because by doing that you are imbuing a habit into them of masking their personality which can make their lives harder, not easier.

Autistic people "stim" eg flap their hands, rock back and forward, etc as a coping mechanism for the Neurotypical world that we live in, or as Carly Fleischmann put it;

"We create output to block all sensory input, it's a way to balance out our surroundings"

So as I was saying, please do not penalize your Autistic child or bully your Autistic friend for flapping their hands, rocking, etc. It is the most valuable tool that people on the spectrum have to deal with the sensory stress of life.

I'm unemployed at the current moment but my dream is to either start my own business doing advisory work for businesses wanting to create a more inclusive workplace for Disabled and Neurodivergent people or to write books on Economics, Politics, and Business. Any support y'all can give me helps me out a lot. I don't usually cover Autistic and disability stuff, but I think I'll write more posts like this one and Mirror Image if y'all don't mind too much.