Tips on how to pull women

Sure ya can’t even look at women now, can ya? All this #metoo stuff has gone too far and sure now ya can’t even approach a woman.

Well I’m here to offer some helpful advice — advice that I feel I can freely offer as a woman and a woman who likes men and women. So get out your notebook and in no time at all you’ll have women frothing at the gash for ya.

Tell them you’re an alpha male

It’s really hard to tell if someone is an alpha male. Biologically women are drawn towards an alpha male. We spot them through status symbols such as fancy watches and clothes and also by the less subtle ‘I’m an alpha male’ dropped into conversation. Seriously, if you have nothing else going for you apart from money you’ll be grand but we won’t always know unless you boast. You are a predator. An apex predator made to dominate.

Offer them opportunities to better themselves by negging.

Not only does the backhanded compliment show that you’re paying attention and hoping for them to improve themselves, it misdirects women away from your own insecurities. Shit in bed? Have less of a personality than a sack of spuds? It’s OK if you tell her she’d be good looking if she lost some weight. She’s lucky you chose to talk to her. Seriously, she’ll appreciate it.

Talk about how much you enjoy giving pleasure to a woman.

You’d think this is the baseline for a good sexual experience but it isn’t. Tell her about how important it is to you even if you haven’t a fucking clue what to do to a woman once you get one. You are a fucking unicorn.

If a woman talks to you she wants to have sex with you.

If a woman talks to you for more than 5 minutes she is more than likely into you. Fact.

Wear them down.

When they show disinterest they are just playing hard to get. Women generally don’t know what they want till you show them. How many romantic comedies have revolved around men showing how much they care by continuously trying to win them over?! Fight for them. And keep fighting them till they get tired enough to give up. Sometimes they need to just lower their standards and not be so stuck up, am I right?

Explain how women are to them.

You can explain how women are objectively to them and women will take that on board completely. So what if you only know your mother and your cousin? Objectivity is the key. Women are one giant group of people. They all fight over the same imaginary 10% of men. Even the ugly ones. Explain this to them. They’ll understand that their independent needs aren’t actually what they want.

Tell them how they’re not like other girls.

Women are shit to each other as well as men, am I right? Putting other women down makes the woman you’re talking to feel great. Of course, they want to be seen as different to ALL other women. They are special. And therefore of more value to men. Women don’t like other women ever.

Nothing gets women wetter than someone talking about how great Jordan Peterson is.

I love him. Bring up all his conservative pseudo-science to really hammer home how men should be in charge. I mean he is a science guy, isn’t he? I mean lobsters are fantastic and totally the same as humans.

Ask them a question and then talk over them anyway.

Sure you know what they are going to answer anyway.

If they have their boobs, legs or whatever on display — they are totally up for it.

This is a good way to select a lady.

If they smile at you, you are in there.

Even if you’ve kinda cornered them and they can’t escape and are trying to be polite.

Compliment their tits.

They love that. They’re usually super unaware of how big or firm they are.

Women need men’s guidance.

Have they a PhD in something? You probably still know more. You should tell them everything you know. That’ll impress them.

Be loud and show off.

It shows your youthful side. Women love big children.

If things aren’t going your way start a fight with one of your friends to prove how masculine you are. Women love the smell of misplaced testosterone.

Bring a guitar to a party and play songs like Wonderwall so loud that everyone has to look at you.

Talk about travelling and how it changed you.

They’re not drinking?!

How are they going to loosen up for you to get in? Keep at them till they drink. Put extra smoke in their joints until they can’t see properly.

The classic never failing mating call of the female is dancing.

This is pretty much an invitation to rub your willy off them. Do it. Even if they’re just dancing with their other friends. It’s basically like they’re in heat.

Demonstrate your value by bringing your sad ex out with you who still has feelings for you.

Everyone will notice her sad face when you talk to other attractive women, making you look cool, and if the worst happens, you can ride her later and then ‘regret’ it the following day.

Women aren’t funny but laugh almost hysterically at their jokes.

Hit them in the feelz about a broken heart.

If all else fails try and get a sympathy shag by talking about how your life has been horrible.

Slag beta males off in front of females.

This will impress them no end, even if they are their friends. Even if they are mid conversation. You are an alpha. You are entitled to their attention and company!