Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

This Is Why a Relationship Has to Be a Fair Game (So You Don't F*ck It Up)

Yes, I dare to do so–I use Relationship and Game in the same sentence, but you should see for yourself, it's a pretty good concept.

This Is Why a Relationship Has to Be a Fair Game (So You Don't F*ck It Up)

Let's face it—you can no longer think everything has to be black or white nowadays. You need to accept that anything in the world we live in has gray areas—and so do your relationship. Is it scary? Fear not! It is actually a pretty good balance, but for it to be so, you first need to agree on that reality.

Here's how it starts—it all begins with self-acceptance. Therefore, what you think about your own true self, and the way you respect yourself draws the lines and structure of your relationship. Once you have settled your own values and standards comes the time to think about how you would like to handle your love with a certain person you met at some point. Be ready for it because you might follow some instructions—remember Monopoly's instructions?—so you can eventually be successful in creating strong bonds with that specific someone and make them last... Lets dive in:

1. The Real Game In The Real World

Yes, a relationship is somewhat that—a game. A game with instructions. Not the kind of game you want to win by being better than the other one though, but it's still a game that is supposed to have two winners. Instead of competing, you are supporting an exceptional game with a teammate—the best teammate you might ever have. That game has rules, boundaries, and strategies, yet you want to make sure that both of you agree to the instructions based on a win-win situation.

• Play it fair because...

It has to be a fair game that doesn’t lead you or your beloved to become a hermit, that doesn’t make you or them feel mistreated or less powerful, and that doesn’t allow any control freak. With that being said, you should never ever expect that that person can make you feel complete. If you do so, you might not feel happy for many, many years throughout our lives. Why? Simply because some relationships don’t work any longer after a while. And let’s be realistic here; if a breakup has to be official, if a divorce has to be signed—What do you have left if you put all your energy in this relationship? What do you have left if you have always sacrificed your own needs in order to accommodate your partner’s desires first?

It is nobody’s role to make you feel happy or accomplished in your life.

It is your own duty before anything else. As a unique individual, you all have some issues to deal with. You all have some concerns to think of. You all have some difficulties to face… and that’s a lot for a human, isn’t it?

So, when it comes the time to meeting that person, spending time with them, developing feelings for them, and finally sharing love with them, you obviously don’t expect this relationship to be an additional issue in your life (as you genuinely don’t want to give them a hard time.) You are just willing to live that love story of yours in the best conditions, and it is actually understandable.

As a result, that person who sincerely loves you makes you feel good, comfortable, peaceful, and all the rest. Yet, all those “good” feels are not about your personal well-being, but about the relationship per se.

The world is made of many different types of people. You need an example? There you have one:

Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Howard, Raj...

Nobody is the same, and you should accept that fact. You, her, him, Them, and I all think, talk, act, behave, and feel differently. The world is full of people attempting to do different things, and you may be a part of that. The universe is moving forward, and so are you and your lover. And by admitting that, you realize it's no easy thing to find someone who can "give" you the good feels described above. That's when you really start exploring your relationship in a positive mindset.

2. Balance, Difference, Turbulence (and yes, I write rhymes)

You all have different interests—thank God. Sometimes you meet people who like the same things as yours. Some other times, you find people who don’t share the same passions. This fact may be real in your relationship as well, but it’s okay; you don’t need to fake it, you don’t need to pretend anything. Therefore, you don’t have to step back because you don’t like everything your partner like or because they don’t have the same hobbies as yours. You don’t have to back off because they don’t binge on Netflix or don’t like the Marvels. You cannot criticize that someone for liking something that on your own you don’t feel any importance for. Actually, you cannot blame them for anything. Period.

Passions and hobbies are personal. You don't have to justify anything about that, but you can be proud of you and proud of them because both of you are aware of what you really like, and trust me, it is an important step... so, just do not put the blame on them, alright?

That rule works the other way around as well. You shouldn’t take any responsibility for their own mistakes. Nevertheless, you do have the right to make a stand. You do have the right to say no, and use the four-letter word when it needs to be said... but so do they (just do not forget to apologize afterward). You also have the right to support them if this is what you want. That decision belongs to you.

Speaking of... you are the one in charge of making any decision for yourself, in the same way as you are the one and only one to know what your real feelings are toward that person. It is a detail—yet still essential—that comes to complete the instructions of the game: don't lie to yourself.

You are in charge of how you feel and the way you want to deal with your emotions. Thus, if something doesn't work the way you would like it to work, it is probably because you are mistaken in your beliefs.

Listening to your mind without ignoring your heart is something you must take into consideration. While the latter communicates with you through emotions and feelings, your mind, in the opposite, always try to be more reasonable. It tends to question yourself (so you can make sure you get confused at some point.) So, here’s what you need to do: listen to both.

So, do not do that

If you try picking either of those, the result might not end up being great. It is actually hard work. Finding a balance and paying attention to both is tough, rough and very time-consuming. The process is very long, if not endless, but it is worth it. It is definitely worth it. The thing is neither is love just a feeling that brings you some advantages or benefits in life nor is it just a feeling that makes you “love” yourself. Love is easy, when you want to make it easy. Love is complex if you it to be complex. Therefore, being able to listen to your mind and your heart might help take the right decisions... most of the time.

3. Now Go Get Married – Just Kidding... But Why Not?

Your partner undoubtedly have beautiful sides—otherwise, why would you like to be with them anyway?

They may be gorgeous, sweet, gentle, kind, caring, lovely, and/or something else—yet, you have to learn to accept their flaws because if you and I are being honest here; nobody is perfect. Neither them nor you (and surely not me)—and it’s all fine, it means we are humans.

It means you can handle your relationship and make it last.

Cheers,

Mathilde

dating
Mathilde Clemence Personne
Mathilde Clemence Personne
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Mathilde Clemence Personne

Writer, Creator & Collector based in New York City —

@mathilde_clemence_personne

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