There is a golden period of marriage repair called the emotional sliding door moment

Everyone has a heart door inside, two people have problems with each other's feelings, do not want to face each other, do not want to reveal themselves, they will close the heart door, put up a heavy defense.

When a person sends out an invitation to emotional connection, is his emotional sliding door open moment, another person is pulling open the door to respond, or close the door to leave, will directly determine the direction of the development of your relationship.

The problem with many marital problems that remain unrepairable is that one partner opens the emotional sliding door without the other noticing, or "slams the door" hard.

One couple came to the brink of divorce. The two people fell in love because they had similar personalities and common topics, but after two years of marriage, their relationship took a sharp turn for the worse. Once the wife expressed her feelings as usual with her husband, trying to tell him she felt left out recently, citing some evidence of replying to messages with only single words, forgetting what she had said, etc. Then the husband said, "I feel tired and don't want to talk about it anymore, I can't solve my problems with you.

The wife was very confused, she had tried to be as straightforward as possible in having something to say and wanted to spread the issue out and talk about it, and was very angry to hear her husband say that, so she said to him that she wanted to divorce if she didn't want to talk properly, but he agreed to do so, so she panicked instead - because she didn't really want to leave, but wanted to get her husband's attention.

In this case, both people were actually opening the sliding door to each other. When the wife complained about being left out and the husband said he was tired, it was their sliding door moment, but neither realized it and missed the best time to get back.

What is the sliding door in a relationship?

From a professional psycho-emotional point of view, it is the communication initiated when your partner starts to express his emotions to you and wants to gain understanding and support.

This time is like pulling open the door to a room, and there are only two outcomes, opening the door and finding your partner facing you, or turning your back.

Take this case where the husband says [I feel tired].

Facing - that is, being able to catch his emotions, guiding him to express them, asking him why he feels that way, what kind of situation would make him feel that way, whether he has been holding back for a long time without saying anything, and finding the motivation behind his behavior.

Backward - that is, ignoring his behavior and words, not feeling informed by what he said, instead attacking him saying I'm much more tired than you are, leave if you don't want to talk to me, and refusing to communicate with him further.

What this wife did was backward behavior, she would think it was strange that you were the one who was cold and I was talking about your problems, and instead of coming over to comfort me and coax me, you said you were tired and wanted a divorce. She is not even sure what the problem is even when her husband files for divorce, and feels that she is the victim. In fact, many people are like this because they only focus on their own sliding door and cannot see their partner's emotional sliding door.

And the reason for the backwardness, invisible, is that in the previous relationship, you have accumulated a lot of hidden problems, such as the demand - give, dependence - be dependent relationship model, when the husband and you communicate, it is difficult for you to detect his emotional lack, so in your opinion, do not know what is wrong with him, good emotional outbursts.

In fact, most partners send you emotional needs, not necessarily explicitly and you say "I think we need to talk", and if you do not seize this moment in time, it will make your emotional connection between you more and more thin, he will feel that his feelings are not valued, you do not care about his feelings, you will feel after rejection The loneliness, embarrassment, in the subsequent communication, he will use more silence to perfume you, not interested in you, or directly propose divorce.

So, when you encounter this situation, how should you go about doing business?

The first thing is to go along with his words to guide.

For example, he said "I feel very tired with you", "think you do not understand me", "think you can not solve the problem", you can ask him what, why, need me What to do. What does this tiredness mean? When did it start, or what events led to it?

Next, it is necessary to affirm his feelings. If you listen and quickly say to him that it's okay I will change, he will think in his heart that you are perfunctory and you will not actually change, but if you say sincerely, I did not expect to cause you such harm, I want to know how to do will make you feel happier, can you give me some time to adjust? Instead, he will feel that you are thinking seriously.

Finally, it is based on what he said, to really implement the business to make changes that will make him feel at ease.

Two people living together, need to understand each other, support, can feel the two hearts are next to each other, the relationship will be stable and long-lasting.

Many times, it is a key moment, if you catch, the other party will open his heart, feelings are getting closer and closer, the heart constantly close. If you can not catch, the psychological distance between the two people will become more and more distant, building a wall, so that the feelings gradually cold.

What specifically should be done to make him believe again that there is hope for your relationship? You can talk to me about your situation specifically, I'll give you an analysis.