The World's Bullying Problem

Yesterday I took a 30 minute walk around my neighborhood to take a mental break from work and self-isolation. Since I can't get a normal workout in given the current global crisis, I take walks throughout the day to get moving and let go of stressors. I plug into a podcast and spend 15 - 30 minutes learning about entrepreneurship, how to speak French, or ways to process my thoughts and feelings.

But yesterday was different. In just 30 minutes, I was honked at by men no less than five times (with four just in a short two minute span). Already experiencing mental and emotional turmoil from the current world situation, I was thrown into the deep end of anxiety and anger, and began to question humanity.

Now, I've noticed a marked increase in the number of times drivers honk at me in the last few weeks. A friend made a great point: with no other way to harass women, people have ratcheted up the honks.

I wanted to start a discussion about the harassment women experience while they're just living their lives - especially when out for a walk or a run in their neighborhoods - but I gave pause, wanting to wait for my emotions to calm down so I could write a clear, logical argument.

Now, it seems like I was just waiting for something else to add to the discussion.

Bullying and Harassment Across All Spheres

This morning, I woke to read a gut wrenching post from an actor I've come to admire not just for his work on one of my favorite TV shows, but for his entrepreneurial and philanthropic efforts. This actor and his friends, family, and colleagues, are being, and have been for the last six years, bullied and threatened.

While I don't know him personally, reading his story sucker punched me. This man who exudes kindness, humility, philanthropy, and who has a genuine connection with fans through those aforementioned entrepreneurial and philanthropic efforts is facing bullying and harassment 1000x more than I have ever faced.

I was speechless. Why are people rude, disrespectful, and inhuman to anyone, let alone a selfless and generous person sharing his gifts with the world?

It Starts in Childhood

According to a Pacer's National Bullying Center 2016 report, one out of five students report bullying (https://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/stats.asp). I believe it. That was me on the receiving end 20 plus years ago.

In 1994 I was the new kid in school and the new kid in America. I faced having to meet new people in a new country and to assimilate to a new way of living. Yes, I know Canada isn't that different from America, but I was still the new girl from another country. I remember walking into that classroom on the first day and having this general feeling that some people just didn't me there. Elementary school wasn't too terrible, but I remember the stares and whispered words. I remember crying each morning on the bus because I didn't feel welcomed by some kids.

Middle school didn't get easier. I had friends and people who cared, but this was the age when cliques formed and bullying started to take off, and I felt the effects of it. I was taunted and bullied for singing a country song in the 6th grade talent show and for nonsensical things like a lack of makeup, for my attempt at doing my own hair, etc. Boys made comments in the hall, girls made snide remarks just loud enough for me to hear.

I was always a shy person but shrank into myself during those years and avoided any kind of attention. I started to second guess the things I said or did. I kept to myself and never took action to put myself out there. I developed social anxiety and general anxiety disorders. In fact, it took more than 10 years for me to get back up on stage to perform solo, and I only did so because my continuation of a music degree in college rested on that solo performance.

It took me more than 20 years to truly come back out of my shell, to understand that I shouldn't let what others say or think of me affect how I live my life. And I still have to work on it. Every. Single. Day.

I know I'm not alone, as a child or as an adult. And I know my story is incredibly tame compared to the bullying and taunts other children face. Yet, it's still hurtful and can still have an impact on mental and emotional health through our adult years.

It doesn't stop in adulthood

As much as I'd like to say it ends in childhood and teenage years, it just doesn't stop. Some of the children who were bullies as children are still bullies as adults, and the fact that we can now mostly remain faceless behind a computer screen or behind the wheel of a fast moving car only compounds it. I've witnessed it and it's clear through the stories of beloved actors, musicians, and other public figures that it's never ending.

It am astounded at how rude and disrespectful people can be to people they don't know personally, to people who work hard to make a difference, to people who share their gifts and words with the world (who by the way, don't have to, but do). It blows my mind that people think it's okay to harass, belittle, threaten, or bully someone while hiding behind a fake (or even legitimate) username.

The part that really gets me though, is the bullying and harassment comes from adults who should know better: people in professional roles, people who influence our youth as teachers and coaches, people who with leadership roles in companies and government. In fact, we watch bullying, harassment, belittling, and quite honestly, slander, unfold in front of our eyes on a daily (hourly?) basis in the United States. In some ways, I'm not surprised that harassment of women and bullying of those trying to make a difference has increased and perpetuated in recent years given the normalization of the current commander in chief's televised and online rants.

Perpetuate Kindness

We've been witness to humanity at its finest and its worst in the current COVID-19 pandemic. From selfless acts of bravery and giving to selfish acts of hoarding, blaming, and name calling, we've seen it all in the last few months.

What we need more than ever is kindness - in words and in actions. We need to stand up and show our support of those on the frontlines, in the spotlight, and of those of us living normal lives who experience these taunts, negative words, and threats. We need to make it known that this it is NOT okay and we need to stop normalizing the behavior of our current leaders. Full stop.

We need to take action against bullying and harassment period. Not just for women in the workplace but for the women, men, and children who experience it daily, no matter their status or level of fame.

To anyone experiencing bullying or harassment, be it online or in person, whether you're an actor or musician or other public figure in the spotlight or not: I'm in your corner. I'm here to talk if you want to talk. I'm here if you need to vent. I'm here to help in any way I can. Let's keep spreading kindness, humility, philanthropy, our words, and our gifts. Let's not let the bullies win.