The World

I am definitively not the best choice for this project for an innumerable number of reasons. First, I write sentences like that one I just wrote. Who would want to read the crazy rantings of a lunatic who has been declared unfit to talk to by most of his closest friends? Who would want to have to deal with me after I have declared myself the Archangel Michael and am also running for the President of the United States. I am not even sure why my family even talks to me. My theory is DNA has some sick kind of magnetism that compels you to deal with your asshole relatives. So I am the family virus as was my brother and our grandmother hated us because we were in line with Satan to eat babies or something like that. Why would you pick up the phone when I call? I mean you usually do not but many times you do and I can hear the regret in silence as I go on and on and on about me. I am that guy. I would never hire me again and just ask my bosses and they will say the same. I am so glad that I do not have a job. It is so awesome to have no money, friends, sex, food, etc.

You see the world looks at me and see the fool. I was picked on and bullied and I learned how to fight with anger and words, oh and once a bike chain. My brother is the same and I would not hire him either especially because he is dead. I will definitely screw you over and take your money. I am that kinda guy. My dad taught me that the world is full of assholes like you who fuck everyone over. You take and you take and you don’t make. I saw a billboard in Trenton once that I love: “Trenton makes and the world takes.” Those are my people. I don’t love them and they kinda suck.

I became a writer to let people know that they are wrong in so many ways. You are those people. I would not recommend me because I am going to let you know about you what you don’t want to know. I am going to tear you a new one. Most unpleasant. Medieval shit. I like the taste of organs. They taste like metal but souls are better. Babies blood in a Bloody Mary, perfection.

So let’s talk more about why I am the worst choice. I tend to take things very seriously but I am always right. You will never ever get me to do what you want. I am the smartest guy in the room and will make you feel small kind of like a four year old ballet dancer who pissed herself. Another reason you most definitively should not pick me is that I will drive you to the brink of insanity. I have driven about seven point three people off the edge so far. I enjoy it. It makes me laugh. So if you were to make the stupid decision of having me write for you the first thing I would do would to act all sweet and nice and get to know you and your likes and dislikes and things about you that are soul killing. Then I would slowly eviscerate your social life, then consciousness, and then your soul. It will be so hard to do. Oh my God. The intensive work of finding out about your simple mind and destroying it would be tiresome.

There is a guy I know and I broke him. He was so smart. He had himself altogether. So I simply broke him up with his girlfriend and slept with her. I then proceeded to ridicule him. It was so sad. I felt so bad. She on the other hand was so happy about it she never talked to me again. He on the other hand I played a Trump move on and accused him of drinking babies blood when in fact I like babies blood frothy with a little milk

As you can see you should run away from me screaming. I am kinda evil and definitely an asshole. I certainly am very nice to meet though. If I were you I would get an AI program to write it for you. I am sure they would do a great job. Alternatively, I would seek out the homeless. I am certain they would bang it out in like an hour. Maybe you could ask a relative of yours cause I am sure they are all wonderful. Have a nice day. Totally mean it.