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The Why's of Lies

8 Reasons Why Someone Will Lie About You

By Georgia HayesPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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Whoever made up the nursery rhyme "Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you", was a liar. Maybe not a liar per se, words can only hurt you if you let them, but when someone lies about you it can feel hurtful for even the strongest people and sometimes it can actually be damaging to your reputation or career.

There are as many reasons why people lie as there are liars in the world. Everyone tells a white lie every now and them, but some people lie so often it is difficult to tell where the lie starts and the truth ends.

Most people believe that they can tell when someone is lying but a 2006 study showed that the average person could pick out a lie only 54% of the time. Those odds are only slightly better than taking a blind guess.

However, you know the basic truth about yourself and your life, and when someone spreads lies about YOU it is unmistakeable. Here are 8 reasons why someone might lie about you.

1. THEY ARE TRYING TO CONTROL A SITUATION

Sometimes liars try to exert influence over other people by destroying that person's opinion of you. They are just trying to create a certain reaction and sway that person to side with them and not with you.

2. THEY ARE TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEONE

This pairs well with the first reason. They feel who ever they are lying to will think they are smart, perceptive or insightful with inside knowledge. People like to be the first to know something or make people think they know something that others don't know.

3. THEY NEED ATTENTION

Some people make up outrageous stories about others because they are trying to capture a rapt audience. The more outrageous the lie, the more attention they get, even if it is negative attention. Sometimes they don't even care if the person they are lying to believes them. Attention is attention. These people can't sustain their own energetic needs so they must acquire it from other people.

4. THEY HAVE TO PRETEND YOU ARE A BAD PERSON

They have to pretend you are a bad person so that they don't feel guilty about the mean things they have said or done to you. They will play the role of victim and make you the bad guy every, single, time.

5. JEALOUSY

When people are jealous of what you have, what you do or who you are they are reminded of their own shortcomings. In order to level the playing field, they will try to knock you down a few pegs. This type of jealousy is quite easy to see through by most people.

6. IT IS NOT A LIE TO THEM

Either they have a poor memory, or they want it to be true so bad, and have repeated it to themselves and others so often, that they now believe their own lies.

I don't know what is worse: People who lie, or people who think I am stupid enough to believe their lies.

7. THEY ARE LIVING A LIE

They are living a lie and are threatened by you living your truth. When you aren't living authentically, it is hard to be around people who are living their truth. It is a constant reminder that they are afraid to be themselves. It they can tear you down a few notches, particularly when other people admire your authenticity, then the liar feels better about themselves. Lying allows people to feel comfortable because the truth makes them feel vulnerable.

8. THE BLAME GAME

Lying goes hand in hand with the blame game. When someone is constantly making excuses for their behavior and blaming others for what happens in their life, you can be sure that there are plenty of lies mixed in as well. Liars can't take accountability for their words and actions.

The bottom line is this: liars don't feel good about themselves. When we can look at them from this perspective we can almost feel sorry for them. This doesn't excuse their bad behavior, but it makes it less personal for us.

Liars lie because of themselves - not because of us.

While it can be hurtful, one of the best ways to deal with a liar is to ignore them. The same goes for someone telling you lies about other people you know. Starve them of oxygen and you remove their payoff for lying. You can also confront them, but this is rarely satisfying because it usually just leads to more lies.

Some people don't change... they just find new ways to lie.

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