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The True Purpose of Relationships

The truth behind healthy relationships

By Michael C. Lafferty-ShockencyPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
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What do you believe is the purpose of a relationship? Be it a friendship or romantic endeavor, what do you believe is the real reason for all our personal relationships? Let’s start by talking about what they’re not. How many people believe that they just need to meet the right person and all their troubles will go away? It’s not about the right person, it’s not about escaping loneliness, not about someone else healing you or showing you your own personal value; they’re not there for you to exploit or manipulate and exert power or control over another. The true purpose of a relationship is to help you learn and grow; to give you a mirror and a feedback system that allows you to see yourself in ways you wouldn’t alone.

Now, don’t get me wrong, love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Some of the most amazing pieces of art have been created as the result of a labor of love. Real love is unconditional and a staggering majority of people are loving (or convincing themselves of love) simply to be loved in return. The more I look at the romantic relationships that surround me, the more saddened I become. I see more people claiming to be in love with someone to satisfy their own personal needs over any other reason. The worst part is that this is not a conscious decision. I honestly believe that they have nothing but the best intentions, but the fact remains that deep down most relationships simply cater to individual needs. There is nothing about them that challenges another or pushes one toward growth and accomplishment. When two people give each other the gift of commitment, they are committing to be loyal to one another just as much as committing to their future. That being said, shouldn’t any relationship foster change and growth?

Bob Marley once said, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” What if that’s it? What if that’s the key to what it’s all about? Isn’t it the pain that we experience that produces the biggest periods of growth in our lives? Think about that: After a bad breakup, you go through whatever your emotional process is, then you begin to change. Unless you’re one of those people who feels empty without another person in their life—in which case, that’s another article all together. The truth is that pain and hurt will show us a mirror of ourselves, it can force us to see the person that we have been and our behaviors. This is the big secret and the major purpose of a relationship.

Now, I understand that some of you, upon reading this, will be absolutely floored. Your first intention will be to say something along the lines of, “No, relationships are about love and support and this or that.” You’re not wrong, those things all play a key role. Let me break it down a different way to help foster understanding. Why do we allow bad relationships to continue? Why do we allow ourselves to be cheated on, abused, or traumatized in our romantic endeavors? Do we just deal with it because we love that person so so much? Do we hold on, hoping they will change and become what WE want them to because of love or support or commitment? Why would we continue to accept less than we deserve in any situation? The answer is simple, because we still have lessons to learn. That pain, those experiences, are going to teach us about ourselves. They are going to uncover beliefs and behaviors that will eventually lead us to living a better life, providing we’re open to learn and grow from those experiences.

Have you ever asked one of your friends why they’re remaining in an abusive or unfulfilling relationship? They don’t know, do they? “I don’t know why I put up with it, I just love them so much!” Wouldn’t it make more sense that we allow these situations to continue because there is something we need to learn that we just haven’t picked up on yet? Emotionally healthy people do not remain in negative situations long. They realize what it is and value themselves enough to end the situation. Learning to love yourself is one thing that many of us still need to learn.

It stands to reason that if any of us are accepting relationships that negatively affect us, we are doing so because there is a hidden message inside of that experience. It is that pain that will urge us to change; that it will show us a mirror of ourselves and make us realize things we may never have before. Obviously I’m not saying to remain in an abusive, unfulfilling, or dead-end relationship. I would never suggest that. What I am saying is that there is a reason that people do. It may not be obvious, but it is my belief that if more people were aware of this, they would learn and move on. At the point that they learn whatever their inner selves are trying to deliver, they would then simply outgrow the relationship. There are however other emotional issues that could prevent that, codependence being one. The fear of being alone is another. Realizing these conditions could also be the purpose of that experience. At what point does the fear of being alone outweigh the pain caused by an unhealthy relationship? How much are you willing to endure before you decide that you need to be alone? At what point does being alone become more appealing than the situation that you accept in your life right now?

Every relationship has a purpose. In a positive, healthy, life-giving relationship, two people are able to assist in one another’s growth. They can help point out behaviors that the other is trying to change. They can be a mirror and a sounding board. A different perspective in an emotional rut, the motivation you need when you can’t get out of bed. It all comes down to the same thing: Life is about growth, progress, and evolution. While love and romance can provide a great many things to people, I believe that they are still simply a tool to that end! As with every experience in life, relationships are meant to teach us and foster growth to living a happier and fulfilling existence!

How does this make you feel? Do you disagree? Did it open you up to a whole new level of understanding? Share this story and be sure to join our mailing list for updates every week straight to your inbox! Did this help? Has this article inspired you to action? What else would you like to read about? What do you struggle with?

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About the Creator

Michael C. Lafferty-Shockency

The only thing I've done throughout my entire life is write, so thats what I'm doing!

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  • Julie Hergraves9 months ago

    I've definitely learned love is subjective. And unfortunately you're saying in those learning and growing relationships where the mirror is devastating, you learn but never get that chance with that person again. And some relationships make up the hurt so they can walk saying "well, you did this so...." That's completely opposite of your belief. I've never loved someone so deep, still do.

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