The Three Effects
There is never a right or wrong way to handle a situation. Just do what you think is best for your mind.
So, in order to make this easier to comprehend for everyone, a real event that has taken place would be used. I have a friend named Anaya, and she got into complications with her friend from college, Maya. This happened because Anaya was to assist Maya in bringing some things back to college from home. Maya had asked Anaya if she is able to carry things for her and Anaya assures her that she can, but Anaya gave this assurance without notifying her parents, and Anaya has very strict parents too. Although, Anaya made Maya this promise believing that what Maya needed was not so much.
When the day came and Maya's mum delivered her package Anaya panicked because it was more than she anticipated, she was expecting a package she could sneak without her parents noticing but her mother had noticed. Anaya's mum was furious because she had warned her of taking things back to college for her friends, and even threatened to cancel her flight back to college, so due to that Anaya had to leave the package and manage to carry what she deemed most important to Maya. Once Anaya had told Maya what had happened, Maya was disappointed and upset with Anaya because she already had expectations of receiving her package. The two get into a heated argument and Maya claims that Anaya should have just told her from the get-go that she would be unable to carry it instead of getting her hopes up, maybe she could have gotten someone else to assist but now it is too late. Anaya apologizes and says there was really nothing she could do and would not have expected Maya to send so much stuff for her to bring back to college. They go two months disregarding each other and throwing petty shades towards one another. So Anaya calls me and says she is tired of the back and forth, she doesn't appreciate the disrespect, she claims to have tried to make amends but that is impossible because Maya does not even want to take responsibility for where she is at fault and keeps disrespecting her.
I proceed to suggest the three effects. First was the Jesus effect. She could call Maya and take all the blame even the ones she did not do. She could say, "I am sorry for what I have done, I should not have acted in the way that I did. You do not need to apologize for anything, I just want there to be peace and I want us to go back to being the friends that we were." This is just a little description of what the Jesus effect is, there is more to it.
The next effect is the Cinderella effect. This one is more of accepting where you went wrong and telling the other person that whether or not they accept where they are at fault is up to them, though you still believe that they should take responsibility for their actions. Regardless, you would wish to move forward and end the back and forth bickering. You would appreciate being friends, but if that is not in the cards for the two of you, then being acquaintances would be appropriate. Take responsibility for your actions and move on with your life.
If the other person wants to still be disrespectful let them, just do not act the same way they do, which leads us to the final effect. The average humans, "Do me, I do you" effect. This is the effect that was playing out between Anaya and Maya before we spoke. If Maya subbed Anaya on snapchat, Anaya would do the same to Maya, if Anaya would call Maya immature, Maya would literally repeat the same thing. Now, it is very unlikely that there would be any kind of solution if that is the behavior they consistently project onto each other. It is important to note that this effect is the least productive, but the most used. Why would you want to use this effect when really you don't even like their behavior? Why mirror a personality trait that is vile? Being a better person would let your skin glow and your hair grow, so I advise that you dash this effect in the bin.
I'm guessing you would want to know how Maya and Anaya's story ended, well Anaya went with the Cinderella effect and when she did, Maya accepted parts where she was equally at fault because she was feeding off Anaya's energy and now they are doing just fine. After they talked it out Anaya asked me what effect I would have taken. I said the Cinderella effect just because no human can be as perfect as Jesus.