"The Story of a Girl" Part 1
This is the start of a love story no one tells.
I remember sitting in a Las Vegas hotel room watching romantic comedies, trying to find the ending I wanted us to have, hoping that something would make me feel better or give me some kind of hope. Someone had recently told me about a picture of her new man and our dog, well, her dog now. No matter how much I tried not to, I wished deep down that was still me. I felt like I was trapped in a sci-fi film where I had been replaced out of my own body and was watching someone else live in it for me. Something along the lines of Get Out except it wasn't me at all because me wasn't what she wanted anymore. So as I sat there and watched storyline, after storyline, and none of them seemed to tell our story. I realized either I'm the only one who's going through what I'm going through or there is a large group of heartbroken people with no one who relates to their story. With that being said, I felt it was time for me to be the person that related.
Four years ago to date, it was a sunny day in Northern California. I was just an 18 year old kid that moved across country all the way from the East coast, in hopes of trying to get my life right. I had been involved in all the wrong things. Drugs, women, violence, and all to me justified, I used to say that's just part of who I was. I was a badass drummer, a hot headed boxer, and your good ole pot dealer who felt I could get any girl I wanted. For the longest time, that had been my identity. But not after that day. That day change my life. The change started with my entire perception of beauty. A change I wish I could shake and at the same time wouldn't trade anything in this world for. The first time I saw her, I remember walking up to her and with every step she became even more beautiful. A common issue is when you see something from far away the lack of detail can convince you that what you are seeing is a good or beautiful sight you're seeing in front of you. Yet as you get closer you see that the details actually betray the image or the face and you realize that the lack of those things is all you really saw. With her that was far from the case. The closer I got the more the details added to the beauty in front of me. It made me want to get as close to her as I possibly could, uncomfortable close, a kiss close. A closeness I needed to experience at least once in my life. The first thing I noticed was this mole she had on her forehead. It was small and off to the side right above her left eye like acute over the é. For some reason to me it was the most perfect accent God could have given to her face. I know it sounds weird for that to be the first detail that I mention about her face but it was the thing that to me made her beauty so perfect, perfectly different. It was like the yellow stars in a Picasso painting, the way the stars stand out and complete the painting even though there are so many other great details or even more important details. On a technical level those stars are what draw you in. The second thing I noticed was her smile. I had never seen a woman smile with complete emotional abandonment. I felt like I could feel every bit of joy, happiness, and even a slight bit of sadness in her smile; it was like the window to her soul and she was not afraid to let you see it. At first it almost made me uncomfortable because I was a very guarded person and I didn't understand how she could be so happy and open like that.
Later as I began to get to know her I realized that she had treated her innerself (as in her soul mind and spirit) as if it were like a house, and she had spent so much time remodeling and painting and accessorizing her home that she almost wanted to leave the window open so people could see all the changes and beautiful arrangements God had made to her heart. The next thing I noticed had nothing to do with her physical features it had to do with her character. She was with a girl who was in a knee brace and on crutches and was tending to her so intently and caringly I thought they were either related or had been best friends since they were little kids. I later found out that they had just met days before. When I found this out, I was so drawn to a person that could care like that for someone they hardly knew. For me it was hard to care for people that I knew from birth, like I had killed everything good inside of me and watching someone seem to have nothing but good inside of her sparked something inside of me that made me feel like something in me I thought was dead was alive again. I didn't really know how to go about what I was feeling because it was pretty weird as you can imagine to meet someone and instantly feel so drawn to them, especially coming from a background where I didn't care much for the women I was with. I really just used them.
I had started a commitment to a journey to change my heart and almost instantly had met someone that would soon seem to be the catalyst for the change I wanted. The next time I remembered seeing her she was wearing a stripped dress and I saw her from across the cafeteria as she walked in. She was with the same friend holding her plate and helping her through the line. I didn't really know what to say but I knew I had to say something. So I walked over to her pushed out my chest trying to be cool and told her “I liked her look.” (This was pretty much the sliyest way I could say hey I love everything about you; from your face, to your hair, to your height, to even the converses that you're choosing to where with that dress.) She kind of smiled at me as if she wanted to laugh and said “thank you.” I don't really remember what we said next or if I said anything I just remember running back to my friends later that day and telling them I thought I was going to marry this girl. Now this might sound a little off or crazy but don't worry, my friends and myself all felt the same way. For a guy that never felt like he would settle down with just one person (even though deep down he had the want to) it was even more strange than the normal. But nothing I could do would change the fact that I felt that way. I told myself the next time I saw her I was going to try harder , no more freezing up no more “hey I like your look.” I'd be lying if I didn't strategically plan my entrance into the cafeteria the next time I saw her. I had monitored when the students tended to all be in the cafeteria and I had also noticed she tried to avoid that rush so I knew to go after everyone else. Yeah I'm a creeper I know but sometimes obsession is created by affection.
I walked in at about five fifteen hoping I had planned correctly and this was my moment. As I walked in, I saw her and her friends sitting at a table in the back of the cafeteria, it was like God had set that day up even better than I could have. There was only one chair (across from her directly) at their table and no other empty seats at the table my friends had filled up next to hers, so there was literally nowhere for me to sit, except that oh so fateful chair so even if I wanted to back out I couldn't. That wasn't even the only perfect thing that seemed to be set up in my favor. As I sat down it was obvious they weren't having the best day, her group of friends as a whole I mean. I asked them if it was okay if I sat there with them and she was the first to answer "sure."
She said it so genuinely and sweetly, I felt extra welcome. I don't remember if that's where I first introduced myself formally or if she had just forgotten me from before but I shook her hand and told her my name I still remember that handshake. I love the way her hand felt in mind. Yeah yeah I know creepy, but trust me, there is nothing creepy about how hands seemed to be so important to the both of us later; I'll explain, just stick with me for now. I sat down and began to spark conversation I happened to have just the right jokes to crack the sad faces across the table. I remember I told a joke I had heard from a comedian about a frisbee it went like this: "I was standing in the park and thought to myself why is it a frisbee gets closer and closer to you as it spins and then it hit me." Everyone at the table laughed except her and of course that scared the s*** out of me. She was the only person at that table I was really concerned to make laugh and usually was the only one not laughing. That is when the most adorable moment I could have shared with her occurred. About 20 seconds after everyone had been laughing she begin to burst out in laughter so loud the entire cafeteria turned and looked. I realized as she tried to fumble her words through her laughter and explain that she had just caught the punchline almost just like the joke itself. She laughed so hard you could visibly see the tears streaming down her face and if you couldn't you could hear her saying, "Oh my gosh I'm crying I'm laughing so hard I'm literally crying." I knew then that I would never find a more perfect girl. Now I know some of your reading this and are thinking to yourselves this is literally cheesier then a ball of mozzarella covered in Cheese Itz on top of baked macaroni and cheese in a cheese factory on the moon, but trust me there is something about experiencing the things we see as beyond cliché or stupid for yourself that changes the way you see everything that used to seem so dull. But as in all great stories, the romance wouldn't come without mountains to be climbed first. I wish she would have looked me in my eyes and said, "I feel it, let's do this." But of course quite the opposite was in store.