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The Room With a View

Open the window and let the light in ...

By Louise BarrettPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Starting another new year, grateful to use those words. With everything going on in the world, ones everyday problems and drama seem so small and insignificant. Well, mine certainly seem so. The global lockdown world wide for Corona Virus has stung everyone regardless of race, religion, age or sexual preference. Corona doesn't acknowledge these things, like a tidal wave it takes whatever is in its way. Being told not to go out and to remain in your home to keep you and everyone else safe and well, is not unreasonable when thousands are dying. Well, I feel that way anyway. But it seems that throughout my life I have locked myself away in the comfort of my own space and I never really noticed until I was told I couldn't go out.

Heaps of my friends were in the same boat, so to speak, and things like Zoom and Facetime became the main way of communication throughout the world including in Australia, where I live. Sitting in my loungeroom, watching my television in horror of what was unfolding around the world, I watched the news daily, and seeing numbers of victims rising and rising and all I wanted to do was pickup my phone and check all of my loved ones are safe.

Sadly, I came to the realisation that I really didn't have that many, family sure, but friends? I worked out I had two friends to communicate with ... What? How did this happen? I have over 400 people on my face book but only two friends! This entire situation rocked my world, and I realised that I was already in my house, locked in, and not seeing anyone long before all of these horrible revelations about the world going into lock down.

My life was in a shell created by my overwhelming PTSD from my abusive marriage, where I left my life, and friends behind. 400 people and none came on my journey of self preservation, escape and starting over again. I had just let them go ... I had no energy to fight for their love and attention and realised that I was giving everyone these things and getting nothing in return. I was angry and hurt. How could my "friends" not help me when I helped them all the time. My lockdown I realised had already be going on for two years before almost everyone else's.

After going through the traditional stages of grief from my marriage ending and losing all my awesome friends I sat in my room and stared out my bedroom window. I was staring straight at the ocean (Yes, my view is amazing) and my thoughts went from anger and hurt to understanding and support. Around the entire world people like me were contemplating their future, who they are and who is on their list of loved ones. I wanted to support all of them in their lockdown, because I know how painful it is and how lonely you become. I want to be the person people can rely on but also be smart enough to see when a friendship is one sided. Some friendships are just worth it, about all the childish notions of independence.

The sun was going down on a dreadful year and I opened my window. I breathed deep and watched the next days sun creep into my bedroom. I could feel a cool breeze on my hot face, as gentle waves filled my mind with peace. I decided my new year would consist of more communication, more connection and more feelings of positive self worth. These attainable things are going to bring a smile to mine and many others faces. The spring in my step will encourage everyone to follow with pride. And I will use everything in my power to make sure that everyone knows "We are all in this together', including you!

love louise

humanity
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