The Power and Importance of Confidence as a Woman

Have you ever been out in public by yourself with only the company of your thoughts? It can be extremely discouraging and restrictive when they are the rooted in negative self-talk. We've all been there, maybe we're out shopping and begin to regret our choice of wardrobe.

"This material is not flattering for my body type."

"I hope my leggings aren't see-through."

"These pants give me a muffin top."

Maybe they're not related to your appearance. Sometimes, they stem from social anxiety and hypervigilance. Maybe you question how you carry yourself...your demeanor...your energy...the way you speak...something you said. What ever the thoughts are, if they're negative, they oppress you, hold you back, and even worse, make you vulnerable to mistreatment from others. In my personal experience, these thoughts can be loud, and relentless. I have experienced many unpleasant feelings from negative encounters with others that in hindsight, could have been avoided had I just knew my worth and loved myself a little sooner. It took many years for me to finally identify the causes of my low self-esteem, let's discuss them.

It feels like everywhere I turn, I am constantly presented with opportunities to compare myself to other women, whether it be on social media, ads, movies, and commercials on television. My newsfeed is often flooded with influencers who fit society's beauty standards, weight loss journeys (of women specifically), and nonsense ads for "fat burning tea" and "cellulite scrub." Mind you, I have not once expressed interest in these products, nor have tried to purchase them. It wasn't until recently that I discovered this a strong agenda being forced on women constantly, by society, and in my case, big brother.

Have you ever walked into a gym or liquor store that is heavily populated by men and you find that your fight or flight response is kicking in? Your heart races, and pounds as the anxiety creeps in as the laser affect from their intense stares make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Am I being admired, or criticized? Either way, I am being judged by my appearance when I'm just trying to buy an iced tea. You find that the confidence you had earlier in the day when you were dancing in the mirror while getting ready is suddenly out the window. You may feel powerless, and inferior. I had an experience like this on a run to 711 about a year ago. As I was browsing the candy isle, a group of young men entered the store, and I overheard them discussing what they wanted to buy. One of them said, "I think I want candy." To which his friend responded, "There's a piece of candy in that aisle!" I bit my tongue and kept my angry response to myself with fear and consideration of what hour it was, and that there were four of them, and only one of me. While some would argue that this gesture should have been taken as "a compliment," I will never appreciate being compared to an object, or spoken about as if I'm not in the room. I've had many other similar experiences that involve being objectified, criticized, and judged by men, but I don't want to drift off topic.

Let's focus on the power, and importance of confidence, specifically as women, because let's be honest, we have to double prove ourselves in many, many settings.

What defines confidence? We learn in psychology that it's displayed in things like tone of voice, and body language. Are we speaking in a clear tone at volume? Are we standing and sitting up straight? Are we crossing our arms? And, a big one that really hits home for me...Are we covering our mouths when we laugh? My teeth are far from perfect, and I am finally trying to kick the habit of doing this after 10 years.

With respect to my lived-experience with poor self-esteem impacted by societal beauty standards, being a target of bullying growing up, and other trauma, when and how did I challenge this internal and external oppression?

1) It started with being FED UP of the constant negative self-talk.

2) It required recognizing and identifying the causes.

3) It was learning to personify my depression in order to stop identifying with it, and disconnect from those feelings of worthlessness.

4) It involved being mindful of what I'm exposing myself to on social media.

5) And it was lots of taking care of me, nourishing my body with healthy food and exercising. These actions reinforce self-love.

As 2020 was a year of fear, uncertainty, and isolation, it was also a year of introspection, and gratitude for the simple joys in life. With that being said, the transition into the new year inspired me to begin my self-growth journey. I have realized that I am the only person that can lead my life, and if I don't trust and love that person, I won't be led to a happy and healthy one.

Prioritizing self-care teaches you to love yourself and requires a lot of hard work. It invites a significant sense of accomplishment, which is a key component to gaining confidence; with confidence comes power, and with power comes respect from others. To the contrary, not everyone you meet or encounter will respect you, especially as a woman. You may find that people will try and tear you down as they see you realize your self-worth. This may be an obstacle in your progress of developing and gaining confidence, along with the oppressive forces of depression and anxiety. Do not let these challenges stop you from pursuing your dreams. These forces will never go away, and are not reasons to give up. Bernard Baruch once said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Let those words resonate as you begin your unique journey of intrapersonal growth. It's endless, but an empowering one, and one worth taking.