The Perfect Way to Pay it Forward in 2021

2015

Five years ago, was put quite simply, a heinous outbreak of all that had gone wrong in a life once so wonderful and filled with love, an amazing career, and the perfect family.

To put it briefly, as this is not the tone of the article I want to leave you with; leaving a toxic, domestically violent marriage during cancer treatment is the antonym of fun.

The Day from Hell and the Stranger who Changed it

The hustle and bustle of a city is not for everyone, some thrive on it, others find serenity at the beach, the mountains, or the countryside. I am the latter. On a particular day, a woman found herself stuck in the city, filling out legal paperwork, ugly crying, asking God, what is the point of it all? Approaching a shitty old car on a hot Summer’s day, parked where it probably should not have been parked, a large piece of paper protruded from the windshield. A fucking ticket! Could this day get any worse? Actually it could have, but oddly enough, it got better. There in the place where a ticket should have been was a note. Three simple words that changed the way this woman viewed life forever. “You are Loved”.

Oddly enough, the tears flowed again, yet this time they were tears of joy, gratitude and relief. Someone, someone out there in this world happened to randomly put this note on a stranger's car. Someone's car who really needed a moment of joy that day.

Little did this stranger know, that their simple act of kindness changed a life forever. Holding this note (which is kept in a box of precious things to this day) a person who had a horrendous year, week, morning, was smiling, driving through a smog filled city. She happened across a violinist busking at a set of traffic lights. Filled with hope, joy and a feeling of generosity, this woman in her shitty little car swerved back around and parked. The driver got out and walked to where the violinist was playing. She was so talented, yet no one was placing money in her violin case. The violinist was dirty, sick, thin to the point of emaciation and evidently on some kind of drug, yet her music filled the air with notes of euphoric bliss, paradoxically lightening the grim cityscape into a place of wonder and awe. In a pocket lay a wallet, in the wallet a lone $50 note cried out. Money needed for food that day. The violinist needed it more. The song had ended and the violinist let out a sigh. Staring down at her empty case she looked up to see a stranger's face, an arm stretched out and placed $50 in her hand. Her eyes welled with tears and she choked out the words. "Thank you so much. You just literally saved my life". Three years later, the woman made another reluctant trip to the city. As destiny would have it, going in the opposite direction on the escalators was a familiar looking woman, healthy, smiling, clean, holding the hand of a toddler. The violinist. Two people from different worlds held out their hands took hold and squeezed. The violinist spoke "God Bless You" and as the escalators pulled the two in different directions, a remarkable, magical bond was forged and a profound message resonated in the hustle and bustle of the city. The power of paying it forward.

When we look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, foremost, we need food and shelter, then safety, love, esteem and supposedly when we have all these things, we are able to reach self- actualization, a position where, if one is able to reach, they can find the motivation to be their best selves. I would argue however, that it is LOVE above all things that keeps us going as humans. Love fuels us and allows us to receive all that is worth accomplishing in this world. To to find love, in all manner of ways, to give it, and be grateful for what you have is at the very essence of the human condition.

When you google 'gratitude' a myriad of articles pop up on how to practice gratitude everyday, yet this act, although paramount to living a wonderful, balanced life is nothing without kindness, giving and generosity. In other words Paying it Forward!

There is no season for giving back. It is and should always be, a way of life. Something so ingrained in your very being that without out it your life will be empty. Think of it like the air we breathe, or the food we need for sustenance. Kindness is food for the soul . Kindness can be grandiose or simple and uncomplicated, public or anonymous.

I have found the "Daylio" App a perfect platform to remind me to perform an act of kindness each day. This app is predominantly used for people who wish to track their mental and physical health and was recommended to me by my psychologist. The app provides you with multiple sections such as health, moods, chores etc. However, the section 'Better Me' is my personal favourite. Within the app, the user can set goals to achieve each day. I have a variety of daily goals (writing is one of them), albeit, my favourite is the 'Better Me' section where I have set goals and reminders to be kind, give gifts, listen to others etc. You can even add your own goals and reminders. At the beginning of my Kindness and gratitude journey, I found a web site with 100 random acts of kindness. I don't use it any more, but it's a great place to start if you need some inspiration.

Random acts of kindness and even the most miniscule of gestures can enrich anyone's day. Task yourself with the challenge of spreading LOVE, kindness and peace, and watch as this spreads to an infectious level of joy, laughter and hope.

Kindness and Gratitude Starts at Home

This pretty much means if you're a mess then how in the hell can you help others?

As a Mum of four, I am a tight rope walker. Performing what sometimes seems like a near impossible feat but unlike some of you beautiful people out there, I have a safety net. I regularly see a psychologist. I schedule in me time. This is very simple to do once you have established a routine that works for you. My self care routine consists of waking up before the rest of the family. I make myself a cup of coffee and watch the sun rise off my front deck. After this, I do a short walk around the block, come home and have a shower. This is my time. After my shower I exfoliate my face and put on a tinted moisturizer. I'm not big into makeup so a simple strike of mascara and lip gloss is enough for me to feel ready for the day ahead. If there is enough time before school I write or paint. Remember, this is a totally personal thing. If coffee and walking is not your thing, perhaps when you wake up you might wish to have a quiet breakfast and sneak in your favourite Netflix show. The point is YOU. What you need to be at your best. Loving yourself will give you the energy and strength to be kind to others!

Examples of Kindness to give to Your Family and Loved Ones

1. Write a special, encouraging note and put it in your child’s lunch box or under their pillow.

2. Forgive someone who has hurt you. Tell them. This can be hard but knowing they are forgiven can change someone's outlook on life from negative to positive.

3. Apologise to someone you have hurt. This could be your child, a parent, anyone you love and have wronged. Do not let pride get in the way. I recently apologised to my 10 year old. She was so grateful and it showed her that even adults make mistakes sometimes.

4. Make your partner a cup of coffee and bring it to them in bed. It might be just what they need to have a positive start to their day.

5. Call your Mum or Dad just to say I love you.

6. Send a text to a friend, letting them know you appreciate them. Or go beyond that. I recently dropped flowers and a letter at a friends house whom I love dearly and hadn't seen for a year. This simple act re-kindled our friendship and now we walk together regularly and make time for one another.

7. Fill your kids cup up. This means carving out time during the day to do something special with each of your children. For my 13 year old son, we watch one episode of Anime a day. For my 10 year old daughter, we paint, do arts and crafts or hunt for fairies in the yard each day. For my 9 year old step-son, we kick a soccer ball for 20 minutes a day and for my 14 year old step-son, I watch him play video games for 20 minutes and cheer him on. This adds up to 90 minutes each day. It's only an hour and a half a day but because of this, I am blessed to have an amazing relationship with all my kids.

8. Make time for your spouse. Our time is spent together as a family, playing board games etc. (Our favourites are Pictionary and Balderdash). Then after the kids go to bed we make time for each other either watching our favourite show, talking about our day and snuggling. ❤

Twenty Examples of Random Acts of Kindness to Strangers to get you started

1. Compliment a stranger. This is a beautifully simple and easy task and can be done anywhere, any day at any time.

2. Life isn't a race. Let someone grab their morning coffee before you do. Let a car in on a busy traffic filled rat race road during peak hour. Let the woman with a pram and screaming baby into the lift first. You can wait. Is your life really that busy that you can't do this once in a while.

3. Stand on a crowded bus, train or subway. Give someone else your seat. Too many times I have seen videos or photos of young people sitting down whilst an elderly, disabled or pregnant woman stands.

4. Pay for someone's shopping trolley. Someone did this for me once when I had no coins and a train of small children behind me. It made my day. Alternatively, offer to carry someone's groceries to their car. Then you could even make their life just that little bit easier by returning their shopping cart to the bay (especially if they have small children with them).

5. Stop to help someone who looks lost and give directions.

6. Bring flowers to a nursing home, hospital or to a neighbor's house.

7. Donate disposable water bottles to people working outside on a hot day. This was especially helpful when we had the Canberra Fires. Teach your children to be kind as well. My children and I filled a cart during the fires with sunscreen, water bottles, eye drops, sun-glasses and snacks. I was financially blessed at the time so it wasn't a bother and because I asked my children what they thought people needed during the fires we also had toys, books and pet food.

8. Pick up a piece of rubbish on the street and throw it out.

9. Leave an anonymous, positive comment on a post it note at a co-workers desk. I often do this and write for example. "Great ideas at the meeting today", or "Wow, I read your program and it's been a great help to me this week". The type of comment will depend on the job you have.

10. Keep an extra umbrella, spare hat, sunscreen, bottle of water etc. in your car to give to someone when they need it.

11. Spark up a conversation with a stranger at a party or function who looks like they don’t know anyone.

12. Smile, smile, smile, smile and always say thank you.

13. Give blood or become an organ donor.

14. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Walk dogs, clean out cages, give them your old blankets, sheets and towels.

15. Donate your old children's books and toys to a preschool or charity.

16. Offer to take someone's shift at work who needs a break or just do a coffee run spontaneously and hand them out to your co-workers. Or better yet, stay late for a co-worker who needs to get home.

17. Invite someone who is alone over the holidays to your home to celebrate.

18. Walk away from gossip. You probably don't realize how powerful an act of kindness this is.

19. Offer to mow your busy neighbor's lawn.

20. Clean up the mess in the staff-room

To sum up, Kindness is a gift that keeps on giving. Sprinkle a few of this magical fairy dust into your daily life and watch as you spread positivity, energy, feel grateful and spark a Love that overflows.

Yours faithfully in humility and grace,

Sarah