We live in a fairytale world where movies on Hallmark or Lifetime lead us to believe that marriage is perfect. It makes us think that the term happy wife happy life is all marriage is. However, I’m here to tell you that it’s not! It’s far from that. This will be about us. Our story on the road to marriage, coming from the road of separation.
We’ve been together now for 5 years in March. Coming right around the corner if you see how fast time is going by. We met at work. A call center job. I had no real interest in him. I just knew that he lived nearby and to avoid his mom having to be the one to pick him up from work at 10 PM, I offered to give him a ride home. Weeks passed by and we became really good friends with going out to eat on lunch and even sharing the same taste in drinks, music and sometimes reading material. It was like a match made in heaven right? Wrong! I was so far wrong it was like being hit by a ton of bricks. He was a broken emotional mess and I needed to work on me to a point that is too hard to explain.
As we got closer, tensions for sexual frustration grew so we both gave in. I got an apartment in March that year and he helped me move in along with other family. Turns out, he moved in with the kids and I that day. I was weak. I didn’t want to be alone in a new place with my kids. I felt safe with him there and the boys loved him being around. We enjoyed that time but at that point, we had no title. Nothing. We were just friends that had the benefit of sex but no real relationship. Weeks went by and we made it official. We were an “item.” He started expressing that he loved me and I just said it back. Not really meaning a word I said. Just thought it sounded good and he needed to feel loved so why not? Me not thinking that it would hurt him in the long run when it came to truths that I, in fact, did not love him. Not yet at least.
Years and different houses go by and I had desires to see other people. Experience life. I didn’t know what that would do to my relationship at all. We decided that we were going to move back to his hometown after a while and we did. Found a small apartment and jobs in the area. Started over. A fresh start is what we thought it would be. Only to find out that an ex of mine lived minutes away from us. Like over the highway close to us. Temptation was there. I wanted to go back to that fun. That life. It was something that we didn’t need but I wanted it. I slipped. I messed up. Never admitted to my faults until months later when I was just done with the relationship. I was over it. Wanted out, didn’t care about his feelings or what he wanted in life.
He didn’t find out until one day, I left my old phone at home and he went through it. Found all the evidence he needed to leave me and never look back. I didn’t care. I got mad at him for going through my personal stuff. We are not married! You don’t touch my stuff and I damn sure won’t touch yours. That’s how I felt about it. When in reality, I should have been upset with myself and not him. Over the years, he’s done nothing but love me unconditionally. Loved my boys like they were his own. I ruined it. Or so I thought!
We started going to visit things around town, working on coming out of our comfort zone. He got with a group of guys that were into the same thing he is. Comics, gaming etc. Me, I filled my schedule with work and school and of course the boys. Somehow someway, in the midst of all of that, we found how to love each other again. Since then, we got married. Secretly married. Didn’t tell our friends and family much of nothing. We kept it a secret until we remembered that marriage just so happens to be public record. His family is local to us. To the county we were married in so they saw it in the paper within days. Granted, we had discussed waiting about 6 months or so before we told anyone of the changes in our lives but with that being said, they knew and the holidays rolled around so we couldn’t hide it anymore.
Five years down. Five years that were never meant to be in our eyes. We started out as co-workers and just simple friends that like to drink and hang out to spending the rest of our lives together. It’s funny how that works out sometimes.