The Mixed Fruit of Self Awareness ...

The Mixed Fruit of Self Awareness ...

(And it’s Benefits in a Relationship)

Have you ever tried to talk to a person from a perspective of how you’d like things to be versus where you are with them in the current moment? It is hard to convince anyone that you are sincere if your actions stay consistent with the opposite. The struggle is to be honest about where you are at so that you can grow from that place of volnerability towards lasting connection. The mask of defenses and cognitive distortions can actually escalate our adversarial interactions rather than restoring them. Spoken in plain English, Don’t let being mad and defensive be the norm in your relationship, learn to be insightful and self reflecting. In fact, learning to see the parts of you compelled to deliver what you express instead of linearly exchanging a one sided cause and effect determinations for what is acceptable in your interactions. The blame is not all your partner’s fault.

Just think about it, the complexities of you are designed to reach out and touch the complexities of your partner. With this in mind, we may realize that conversation is whittled down to all one big mistake in choosing that relationship partner. I like to think of it this way....your choice in relationship, regardless of who you choose, is a call to growth on both your parts. This said, the more insight you have into yourself the more insight you may have into your partner by understanding the distinctions. By the sheer nature of collaboration you both could equally have insights to offer each other if applied supportively.

But how do you know how to achieve self awareness towards the extent of being proficient in couple awareness? We can refer to agriculture for an insight from nature....Like a farmer, we should know the seeds we plant so that when the fruits spring up we will be able to reap a harvest. Or in other words, as we give there is also a return on what we give in the reciprocal part of the giving stage. We could with some training learn to be able to recognize what we’ve planted effecticely in healthy interactions when it’s being extended back to us.

The insight we develop into how we share love, express love, even receive love carries with it rewards I believe that are greater than the toil of doing the initial ground work of preparing our heart to impact a partner’s heart positively. However as with most things there is a learning curve to achieve kind of competency in our exchanges.

The Benefits...

There’s an old saying, “You know a tree by the fruit it bares.” If you were to draw truth from this saying, agriculturally, you may also be able to infer that one can evaluate the quality of their own interactions not just the interactions of others. Being defensive may feel good to do but does it resolve the underlying deficits in your interactions?

How many times has miscommunication been the culprit of an argument? Without harnessing the skills of communication towards healthier interactions, misperceptions, misunderstandings, and miscommunications make healthier interactions very challenging.

As we focus towards the goal of healthier interactions we also may find ourselves needing to provide a platform for understanding our position (through self reflection) before communicating with others. This may in fact enlighten us to be able to distinguish that our understanding may be different from theirs more expediently towards identifying and resolving points of contention.

Do you have a challenge with communicating with your significant other?

Call for an appointment

(405)821-8182

Calvin Smith, MA

Ordained Christian Counselor

www.calvinsmiththerapy.com

Email: [email protected]