The message came on wings

It's strange how oceans apart he peered into my life. He said in his dream we crossed paths, and I had one thing to say. This one phrase, that made me question my reality. A reality, that I once was told by a little piece of paper taped on an air vent in my room by a stranger, ---you create your own destiny. I always felt like control was never an option for me. Like the wings of a butterfly, perfectly symmetrical---balanced one would say, I lacked these traits. That dream he told me, where I was determined to keep chasing the butterflies, how could he know I kept seeing this sign? A symbol that is so beautiful, yet blindly I followed it into the darkness and, I'm still there.

I can't blame anyone else. We choose to believe whatever our eyes show us. I want to believe God saw how much I was trying to not be monster, and left me clues. A speck of light to help guide me out of my induced horror, that I call my life. I lost everything, gave up everything to help others because I felt like I was not human. I wanted so hard to find my symmetry and simply unfold my mind, that chaos rolled down as tears. I never wanted to be the way I was. I just wanted someone to love me unconditionally. I thought I was incapable of love. That simply love is not just one thing. Love can destroy, love can build and that's balance. Where there is good, be sure bad is teetering on the other side, waiting for it to shift in it's favor. I fell off and the path as been long to find a solution to save myself. To be able to love myself, like I've learned to do for others. Can you love a monster?

Understand this is not intended to be perfect. I want this to be a message to someone who needed that reminder like I got. A little piece of paper took my on a journey down a road where I want nobody else to go. The signs can be beautiful but they can be just as misleading. I destroyed myself to help others because I felt like I needed to be punished. I have no excuses anymore and what's done is done. I'm still here and I want to believe there is a more happier time in this life that I've yet to encounter. Where the specks of promise in the form of rainbows, and infinity signs will be replaced with a sigh of peace. That I'm good, and I left a difference in somebody's life. I never really felt loved, so I gave strangers like I, who were and are still lost, a flash of my best self. That I hope I can let go of the the weight I carry, and stop chasing the delicate wings of reality.

We are not perfect. We make mistakes.

You have the power to change, and never stop fighting to do so.

Break the never ending cycle. Ride the rainbow and drink in the colors of your soul.

God gives lessons in the smallest ways. Open your eyes, and believe in the good. It's there. I've seen it. I just hope your view is much nicer and maybe one day I'll join you.