The Least Boring Things I've Ever Done

You read stories often about paying it forward and performing acts of kindness in the world. There are a lot of similar stories, articles, tweets, posts, comments, etc. that tell the same moral over and over: pass along kindness, and it will be returned to you.

While the concept might be tired in text, I’ve found that it has not lost any of its gusto when practicing kindness outside of the internet. Out there in the “actual real world” where people interact, the dynamic of sharing kindness is much different than leaving a positive comment on a selfie. Kindness is a choice for me, but sometimes, I feel like I have no choice in the matter. Either way, I never choose to pass along a kindness that will harm my own heart in any way, and I always come out with a smile in the end. The idea that the kindness will return to you in some form is valid, and I firmly credit my acts of kindness for the inner peace I get to experience so often.

At first, I decided to dedicate myself to one small kind act every day as a mood booster for myself and the recipient of my kindness. I started small with posts and comments and tweets on social media, complimenting anything I could find that I enjoyed (with particular focus on artwork and writing). While that felt nice, it didn’t feel like enough. Perhaps I’m an overachiever, but settling for the bare minimum didn’t feel right when it comes to circulating more happiness in the world.

Some of my most favorite examples of my mission are ones I carry with me so strongly because I never want to forget the impact it makes on people, and I’m excited to share some of these in the hopes that people realize nothing kind is too small to do.

My Coworker’s Secret

For the sake of privacy, we will call my former coworker Chris. We formed a fast friendship as new hires, eventually reaching that point of hanging out outside of the workplace. We’d sit in his apartment and watch tv, talk, laugh for hours, have a few beers now and then, and enjoy ourselves like the youthful beings we were. He divulged information about his new relationship he formed with a barista in the cafe of the bookstore we worked for, and I provided advice in moments of questioning. Eventually, all of this led to an important conversation between me and Chris: he told me he was gay.

I’ve never actually worried about information like this. I, myself, am bisexual, so I suppose that helps make it easier to accept someone’s true self without hesitation. However, even before discovering this about myself, it was never a second thought when someone expressed a secret about their identity. When Chris told me, I smiled and said, “That’s awesome, Chris! Are you thinking about dating yet, or are you still trying to explore what this means for you?” We spoke at length about everything to do with being a gay man and what this life would entail for him.

We stayed friends until I quit my job at the bookstore, and I never managed to maintain contact with him after, so we drifted apart.

Fast forward twelve years, and I was stopping into the gas station in town to pick up a drink and some snacks on my way to my job as a payday loan manager. I approached the cashier and realized I was seeing an older Chris, who was smiling from ear to ear in a way I didn’t remember seeing over a decade prior. We exchanged our pleasantries and I gave him a brief update on my own life. What he said in his update, though, impacted me so greatly that I think about it regularly.

“Do you remember when I came out to you? Well, the way you reacted was so good, and it made me feel like a normal person, and it just really opened me up to loving myself for who I was inside. Because you were so kind to me, I’ve now had the same partner for four years, and me and him just got a place together. I’ve been confident as a gay man this entire time, all these years, because you were so nice to me, so thank you.”

I was nice, and it changed his entire perspective of his identity. To me, being kind about his honesty was a natural instinct, so my response to his secret confession wasn’t something I felt heroic about. At the time, I just wanted him to know that it was fine, because it was. You cannot change my mind on that.

Double Duty

The day before I gave birth to my son, my best friend at the time found out she was also pregnant. Nine months later, my son was closing in on his first birthday, and hers was a newborn in the hospital.

I worked a night shift at a convenience store at this point, so I spent a lot of my night texting my friend to check in on her and the new baby. She expressed how entirely exhausted she was, and being alone in the hospital wasn’t boding well for her mental health. I texted her back and said, “I’m off work at 7:00 a.m. I’ll stop for sodas and snacks, you go to sleep, and I’ll stay up with the baby.” I got in touch with my grandmother, who kept my son for me while I worked, and she approved keeping my son so I could help my friend.

After obtaining the drinks, snacks, and arriving at the hospital, I told the new mom to get some rest and promptly retrieved the baby for a diaper change and feeding. We spent the whole day hanging out and getting to know each other. It was just a few weeks later that my friend told me, “You were a lifesaver that day. Being a new mom, and my son’s dad isn’t around, I was so scared and overwhelmed and when you showed up everything felt better.”

She hadn’t told me in advance how emotionally devastating it was for her the day her son was born and his father wasn’t there, and she hadn’t told me that she needed my help because everything was too much to handle. I chose kindness for someone, and it ended up being an incredible mental reprieve for her, her son, and myself. For acts of kindness like this, it’s pretty apparent when someone expresses their needs and you know something kind would fix it, but they’re still worth it the same way the unexpected kindnesses end up being.

Talking to Strangers

I am an introvert on what could be considered an extreme level. I do not do well with interacting without suffering some sort of severe awkwardness inside me. However, I chose not to let that worry of being awkward interfere with complimenting people I don’t know. I can recall multiple times someone complimented various things about me and how those moments brightened my entire day. I love those experiences so much that I decided to start creating them for other people. This is not one single story of acts of kindness, per se, but several examples of things I compliment.

Piercings are a big deal for me with women. I used to have many more, but have grown bored and removed a lot as I’ve gotten older. When I was at the peak of my piercing count, so many people took the time out of their day to make me feel less beautiful by mentioning how they ruined my pretty face. I’ve noted piercings on the cashier at my local gas station, a few customers at the grocery store, and one at a dollar store, and I’ve complimented each one. Knowing that there are a lot of individuals who enjoy degrading women who use piercings for expression, I very much like the idea of working against that negative force.

Hair styles also catch my attention and prompt a compliment to strangers. Hair color used to be a thing, and sometimes I will throw an occasional coloring compliment, but most people seem to really like being complimented on the style they’ve chosen. Colors can change, fade, come, and go, or even turn a little silver...but styles are very specific to individuals, and many involve a lot of time and care. I know how much time, products, money, and effort can go into them, especially for Black people and/or biracial people. People feel strongly about their hair efforts when they make them, so letting them know that I like the results can really brighten a day.

Clothing that I would NEVER wear earns compliments also! I’m sure it sounds like a contradiction because if I don’t want to wear something, doesn’t that mean I don’t like it? Well, not necessarily, no! Plenty of people look amazing in plenty of styles, and I have enough kindness in me to appreciate styles that are not mine. I only have two rules for my wardrobe: it must be black, and it must be comfortable. Fashion is not my thing, so seeing people exude a confidence in brilliant patterns and bold colors is like watching Fantasia for someone like me: it’s awe inspiring. For this reason, I absolutely love to select styles I’d never even think to wear to throw a compliment toward. People tend to see me in all black with dark makeup and assume that I’m resentful of color, so the surprised expressions and changes in tones when I compliment a vibrant yellow hat or a tye-dyed sundress make my kindness come with a bonus.

Compliments I Avoid

I am so specific about my acts of kindness that I have a small list of compliments I try my best to avoid.

Body types are not a suitable compliment, especially for a stranger, but there are other reasons for it as well. Even with people I know, I never know for sure how they feel about their physical health, and throwing a compliment at something someone may be experiencing a lot of traumatic negativity over might backfire. Plus, people are not valuable based on the type of body they happened to end up with, so this is a silly thing to consider. I'd rather not congratulate someone for the genetic luck of an hourglass figure; there are a lot more important things than that. There's a difference when the individual has been working on their health and you want to let them know you're seeing their success, but for the most part, I stay away from this.

Saying a child looks like one of his or her parents is one of the weirdest compliments, in my opinion. Congratulations, you gave birth to someone who looks exactly like one of the two reasons why! It sounds a little ridiculous to me, and it’s too easy; if you’re going to put kindness out regarding the appearance of someone’s child, put some effort into it. Compliment a beautiful newborn, sure, but give Mom and Dad/Mom and Mom/Dad and Dad/the caregivers specific reasons why. Noting the shapes of their eyes, how perfectly pouty their lips are, how precious the ears look, and other specific things passes along a kindness that has actual thought with it. Simply commenting on the basics of genetics is lazy.

Vehicles are another strange thing, in my opinion, to compliment. Especially if you’re only complimenting newer, nicer vehicles, as that seems to perpetuate the idea that the only people worthy of compliments are those who have money. People of all financial situations deserve to feel good about themselves. I know car fanatics will disagree, and have their reasons for it, which is great! You guys have a lot of knowledge about cars that I do not have. I’m glad this kind of compliment can be shared amongst mechanically inclined individuals. For me, though, the compliment feels like it would only come off as classist, and I avoid it for that reason.

Kindness is both complex and simple: you can share a smile and make someone’s day, or you can analyze the types of compliments you share in order to achieve a maximum effect on someone’s mood or day. I tend to choose the more complex route, but as I pointed out, even the simplest and less analyzed acts of kindness can have long-lasting impacts.

And In Return?

I’ve talked about how kindness returns to you when you give it to the world, and I have one wonderful story about my kindness coming back to me after all these years of putting love into the world.

In May of 2020, my partner and I woke up to discover that our car had been stolen. It was a gut-wrenching, devastating event, as my partner has mobility issues and we have four children (one of them being autistic.) I had so much despair, so much fear, and my personal safety felt violated. I shared information about our car on social media but we never got it back.

As soon as I began pondering what I was going to do about starting a fundraiser to help us get another vehicle as soon as possible, I received a message from a friend who read my troubles online. “I’m sending you $100. I know it’s not much, but it’s a start to help you guys recover. When my dad passed away, you said so many kind things to me, and you suggested I name my son after my dad to honor him. I ended up doing that. I’ll never forget how you made me feel when I lost him, so I just want to do this for you.”

That was just the beginning. Donations suddenly poured in, and we eventually raised almost $3,000. I would estimate that 85% of that money came from friends, and nearly all of them were friends I have never even met in person. I just kept getting told the same thing over and over: “You’re so good to me, you’re so sweet, I just want to help you. Don’t feel bad about taking the help. You give the world so much, let the world give back to you.”

We were able to buy a used vehicle, upgrade the tires, afforded all mechanical needs, and named it “The Crunchy Taco.” I get to drive a vehicle every single day that was paid for by the people I love; people I love so much that they felt it right to help me in my worst moment. The experience of car theft is traumatic, but my kindness came right back to me, and I didn’t have to suffer alone.

To Summarize

Kindness is the least boring thing I’ve ever done. There are endless cycles of rewards and happiness, and I never get tired of the peace I feel whenever someone smiles because of me. I’ve had so many reasons to cry, suffer, and despise my world and everything in it that I cannot go a single day without feeling like I’ve done something to make it better. This is my mission, and I ask others to join me in it, but I don’t expect the world to mimic my interests. I’m realistic enough to understand that the entire world isn’t going to show kindness if we all write more articles and stories about doing it, but at the very least, I can share with others the benefits that come with the excitement of caring.