The Last From the Past

Soon my spiralling started to affect me at work too, but once again me being me just blamed it on mood swings. It wasn't until November 2019 when my Mum was given an appointment to sort her heart out, which had me over thinking everything and my spiralling at work got worse. A colleague suggested that I go to the doctors to see if they could help, whether it was therapy or antidepressants (she too believed I had depression). So one morning at work I rang the doctors and of course I had to tell my manager what was going on and what was going on in my head and such. This led to a complete breakdown and the urgency to get an appointment became apparent. Anyways, the doctor rang me back and made me an appointment for that afternoon. It made me feel better because even though I was still in denial that I had depression, I felt like I was going to get some answers. So, that afternoon my fiancé came to pick me up from work and drive me to the doctors. We went in, signed in and took our seats in the waiting room. My fiancé then went to move the car and about 30 seconds after he'd gone I was called in to the room.

There I told them everything (I won't go into details at this point because I know it will tick people off). Anyways, after explaining everything, a good cry and talking things through I was given a prescription for antidepressants and the number to therapy groups. That night I took my first dose.

When we got home I asked my fiancé whether or not he was surprised I was struggling and now on antidepressants. And, to give him credit he was honest with me. His reply was, "I always knew there was something besides mood swings, and I knew you would struggle with moving so far away from your family, but I thought it would be a little while longer before we were at this point. I don't think with your mum being poorly and other things has helped, but you've done really well. "

Well after he said this I balled my eyes out, and I knew I had the best man in the world.

Let's give some credit to him now, he has been amazing throughout all of this. He has put up with so much and still tells me he loves me. He has put up with so much too with his job and moving, it's humbling to see him get on with day to day and just complain about how he is tired and how he fancies some sweets. I truly am lucky to have him by my side.

So I've been on the antidepressants since November and they have helped massively. I've had a slight job change and just so much more confidence in myself and my practice. I think also writing this blog is helping too, because people who I know can read this and hopefully see things from my perspective, and the ones who don't know me, I guess this can be a help if you are feeling or going through the same or similar things as I was/am.

Anyways a quick update on my Mum. Today (9th February 2020) she is travelling down to London to exhibit her work. I wish I could go, because I'm so bloomin' proud of her! She has a job and had been doing art work on the side in order to be able to exhibit.

I also want to tell you that she finally had her operation in December, and had to be kept in hospital overnight as she got an infection. But now she is doing excellent at work and life.

I think my next posting will be about present day stuff, rather than the past, but I do think it's helpful to catch you up so you can have an idea of what I've been through that's led me to writing this and where I'm at now.

Until next time...