The Grace of Grieving

When my dear friend (and editor) Lesley asked me to contribute an article on grief, I balked, Hard.

Although I am no stranger to grief, I do not feel in any way equipped to advise or direct others around this intensely personal process. In fact, repeating any of the advice I have received on grieving also sounded…less than desirable. So I decided to go on a cultural journey into the many ancient traditions and cultures of death and grieving around the world, as I am Irish, so I will start there.

The Irish Lament

The Irish traditionally express deep love and respect for their beloved dead through Lament, a poem often sung. It is a tributary song that encompasses your beloveds attributes accomplishments, victories and heartbreaks, it sings to all who loved you, to remember you, your human experiences, and contributions. It calls to your soul to really feel, as well as release your beloved. To have peace in knowing the song of that person is in the veils or eternity.

In Celtic culture the day October 31st is Samhain, (sow wayn). It was a day to honour our beloved dead, lay plates out to feed the spirits of our loved ones, carve and light up gourds to scare away the ghouls who trouble the passage of those we love on the other side of the veils. This period of time is known across cultures to be a time of year we are closest to the other side, and communication and celebration are felt on both side of the veils.

Now, I will explore some cultural practices that fascinate and inspire me to embrace the many ceremonies and traditions meant to help those of us, left in the living world, to cope with our grief.

Dia De Los Muertos

Traditionally celebrated on November 1 & 2, concurrent and overlapping with the Feast of All Saints, Dia de los Muertos is a yearly observance honouring their beloved dead. When it comes to honouring their families and political heroes The Mexican people are loyal and reverent in some very beautiful ways. I find it therapeutic to honour alongside them, if only by their example. The traditions finer points, lean heavily towards a refusal to forget who we have loved, and lost. I love the complete immersion into this festival, where even the littlest are taught about the ways we honour those that came before us, and introduce loss and grief as part of life’s inevitability, while also focusing more on the celebration of their existence, than the loss of them in our lives. Mexico, I think you have this down. We must celebrate them, we must remember them and we must live, as the tenuous fragilities of life are the truth, and yet should we cease to celebrate when their journeys with us end?

Energy never dies. It only changes form. Many believe, self included that we go on to many other existences, and the physical death is but a doorway to these next worlds.

The Tibetan Sky Burial

In Tibetan culture, the soul transmigrates immediately to seek out its next incarnation, and the body is nothing but a now vacant vessel. Instead the family prays over the body for 3-5 days. Then the sky master transports the body to the sky burial site, the family does not attend, they remain at home to pray and assist their beloved dead’s journey to its next incarnation. The Sky Master chops the remains into small pieces and leaves them high in the mountains to feed the vultures. It is considered a good sign if they eat the entire remains, as they believe the birds will not complete their feast if there was evil in the heart of the deceased. Statistics state that in modernity, upwards of 80% of Tibetans still choose The Sky Burial.

Humanity has many approaches and practices around death and grieving that align with their ideas about death. Some see it as an absolute end, or an eternity in paradise, and others as a passage to new experiences, yet others refer to them as in the next room. We all face grief, and understand also that we must face life, and the celebration of it. In honour of all those who walked on earth before us, and beside us; As one day it will be us, walking through that door.

How do you want to be remembered?

At the root of it all is a heart journey of Legacy; legacy that will forge the path for those we leave behind. The Legacy that creates our next existence, and the only form of immortality available to us.