The Gloom

Numbness. That’s how she could describe it. A constant, evaporation of numbness. All sense of joy or that some may call ‘happiness’ ceased to exist in her mentality. Everything was an exhaustive process that she could not shake away. It was like being trapped in her own personal cage of disgust and fear that never seemed to let in any form of bliss, only hatred for one’s self. The numbness she seemed to feel may have been a way for her physical body to process this specific form of hell.

Octavia was curious and frustrated why she of all people had to live in this empty being. Now, to address the reader; I know it may all sound selfish and just outright depressing but people are going through this state of mind everyday. Yet alternative humans have a way of always making excuses for that fact that it is ‘all in their head’ and they should very much snap out of it. Well, if this is the extent of your current thought process then please enlighten Octavia and myself as this has been a very tiring and long journey that my dear friend, Avia, as I like to call her, would like to share. This is, of course, especially addressed to the type of individuals that may be thinking negatively of this specific matter that I personally like to call; mental numbness. Why, you may ask? Well it’s because this group of people don’t understand that this is a real problem for many people in this little pocket of a world we all live in and it is important that you fathom the causes and emotional battle she has been going through, as well as quite a few others. Does that sound reasonable? Well, if so, please gather your thoughts together to form sincerity. Judgement is not allowed in this circle we are about to enter, as it should not be allowed in this universe, but we can not help that can we.

First of all, I would like to introduce myself as we will be spending a considerable amount of time together. I am The Gloom, the flicker of a light in your room late at night when your beautiful vulnerability is pulsing. The intense captivation you may feel when something is just not right in your home when the moon is out staring you down. You tell yourself, as you confront the darkness, that there is nothing there as it can’t be possible. But there I am, breathing icily down your neck watching and waiting for your hairs to go on end. I am all of you. I am your deepest and darkest fears that you dredge deep down in your pitiful little minds.

Think of me as a friend you never wished for but can not get rid of. I was Avia’s closest of friends. I was her addictions, her mistakes and of course her escape. Welcome to my delightfully sinister self that will encapsulate your being until there is nothing left but the three categories above. But relax, as, if I’m honest, which is not very often I must say, I am quite worn down. I trap hundreds of you everyday and I really just want to tell you, selfishly, this specific story about an adolescent girl. So, don’t worry I will be simply using words to captivate and manipulate your belittled brains.

Octavia was a simply precious being who I very much enjoyed stroking betwixt my elongated fingers. She was a dear memory that once throbbed through me like a song. Oh, what a joy. She was peculiarly different from my usual hosts. A dark human, an old soul. I wanted to help her. She was like an unopened chocolate with that gold foil encased around the circular substance, ready to be peeled open but only in the most delicate of natures, and consumed with utter, sweet delight. I tend to follow my subjects before full consumption and my travels through her subsequently dull life was nothing but intriguing. Her habits and mannerisms were encompassed with naive emotions and surprising urges for a girl of her upbring. Avia had this specific look, a frown, if you will, that almost seemed like it would never rise from its statute position on her forehead. Her deeply red hair was seductive in itself but she was completely naive of the fact. Her crystal eyes would attach themselves to a figure she was accompanied by and transfix so fiercely to them. It was as if a wolf was staring into your soul with such a curious nature. Avia was first self-conscious about her freckles as they seemed to boldly surface over her skin like chicken pox. Well, so she thought, but in actuality her freckles were rather luminous. Almost as if the stars she so dearly appreciated had scattered astronomically below her piercing irises. She, of course, never saw the true beauty she possessed and for some odd reason accepted the fact that she was ‘not that good to look at’. Oh how very wrong she was. I was mesmerised by the innocence that encased her being and I found myself wrapping her further and further between my fingertips until her darkness, which you all possess I’m afraid, caged her being and all innocence was scattered 6-feet under. She was mine and I was hers.

But, she was always trying to find herself which, along the way, led me to her. I met Avia quite a few times before we developed a relationship, but I was always there, in the back of her mind, waiting and watching for the right moment to officially introduce myself. Our very first meeting was five years ago when she was only starting her second year of public high school in Byron Bay, Australia of all places. I didn’t think very much of her as I was busy with another subject: Paige. Avia was close friends with her, or so she thought as I tend to keep my new meals at a distance from people who might disrupt the process. But sweet Avia, in fact, was an issue in this specific case as she was one of those people who was very easy to talk to. She was accepting of almost anything even if she didn’t quite understand. I think she developed this characteristic from her father. He was very genuine and loving towards most people he met, a truly unique specimen, but regardless of the fact, Avia was indeed more like her mother; opinionated, impulsive, but above all, sincerely caring. You can imagine why Avia was quite a problem in my books at the time as I was enjoying the shatter of Paige’s strong-willed nature. Well of course, I had to deal with this issue very quickly before Paige’s being slipped beneath my grasp and was carried away by Avia’s disgustingly nurturing nature.

My dear Avia and beloved Paige formed their friendship from a mear giggle, a momentary lapse of happiness. This was especially for Paige as I was already clutching her neck, holding her against my skin. I rather didn’t mind if she had a little pleasure in the process. So I let it be and they took this opportunity to their advantage. I stepped back from my grasp and decided to observe their humorous venturing. Their ignorance, or specifically Paige’s at this time, was mesmerising. You see, I may be the essence of all things vile, but I do enjoy a little bliss from time to time as, if I’m honest, my malicious mannerisms are excruciatingly repetitive! Day in and day out, watching and waiting, crushing and killing. It’s just so bleak all the god-forsaken time.