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The Game

by Nikki Higgins 11 months ago in advice

Taking just a moment to envision a future life.

The Game
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Let’s play a game, it will be fun. The rules of the game are you must have an open mind, a great imagination, and not be afraid to dream big or crazy. Cell phones are not allowed and block out all unnecessary noise. For further comfort level you must be alone. Now here is how you play the game, you close your eyes and sit. Take five very deep breaths, rest, and continue sitting. After you take a moment open your eyes. Then write, type or think about if you could change your life right now what would you do? Money is no object because for this game you have all the money you need. Disabilities are not an issue nor is bad health. You don’t have to say “my life is perfect right now, or I have my significant other and my children”; this is not about that. Plus this is just for you and no one else. It’s also not about proving something or hookie pookie stuff, it’s just a game. You can visualize whatever you want to bring into fruition or not, it’s completely up to you because again it’s a game just for you.

I have played this game numerous times throughout my life and I have a confession that I need to make. In my game I am never married and I don’t often incorporate my children into my game. I am typically alone, living a busy life, I have a business of some sort but definitely not a desk job. I do have two desks however, one in my home and one at an office space that always tends to have floor to ceiling windows with great views. Mind you, this is my own business so I am there when I want to be. I am always very well dressed in my visions, makeup perfect, and hair always done. Honestly picture Miranda Priestly just without all the snarky...well just imagine her as a black woman. My job is not really directly in fashion but I have connections and yes, I attend all the seasonal fashion shows because I like to, it’s not my job to attend. I work in the legal field but as a consultant of some sort, maybe my end job is to work as a legal consultant in fashion (I need to research if that is job in real life).

What else? Oh I travel a lot and but not too much as I am a homebody; just enough to know things and create relationships in different areas of the world. Exposure you know. London is a regular visit, Paris is a must stop especially during the FW Fashion Week, and I tend to visit hot climate places but no longer than a few days because I am truly a Michigander and I must experience the fall season. I am financially very very well off and that’s all I am going to divest in that area. Recently I have been struggling in my visions with whether or not to live in an luxury apartment or buy a nice big house. An apartment would be more suitable for me because honestly my allergies are killer in the spring and summer months but I do like the privacy afford through a nice house. I think the house thing is an issue because my children are older and moving on but the house could serve as a home base...fuck it, an apartment it is! This is my life after all and it’s about what I want, see easy peasy. Anyway, my gorgeous apartment has an African inspired aesthetic, nice small kitchen, at least four bedrooms, very spacious, and is in or very near the downtown area. Cream colored walls because I do not like white or off white walls and I need a tiny amount of color to my scenery.

This is where it gets funny because my days are pretty much boring daily life. I still study French, Arabic, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, considering venturing into learning Chinese or Mandarin; my hobbies are still playing the guitar and piano; I work out; cook; spend time with family and friends; and I am still heavily politically aware although working on being more active. I do some writing and volunteer work. I have a nice car, nothing gaudy or too audacious. I live life. The point of the game for me is that it is not the exact life I currently live. However, I have so much fun with this game that I have incorporated many aspects of it in my real life.

What I have come to realize is there are no rules to life that says that I can’t live the life I visualize. Yeah, I have kids and take care of my mom but my kids are grown and who said I don’t continue taking care of my mom? Right now I am studying French, Spanish, Arabic, Russian, Japanese and recently I bought myself a guitar and a keyboard. Daily workout is just routine life and I am studying to retake the LSAT. For me it is not about being famous or popular, it’s not about becoming the richest person in the world or solving world problems. The game is to visualize the life I want to live. I am not married or in a serious relationship so I can date and see whomever I want and when I want in my vision and in real life. I can travel without having to incorporate anyone else into my plans. Yes, it would be nice and/or even great to have a significant other but it’s not necessary. Remember I said I never visualize being in a relationship, it must be a reason for that because even as a child I never planned or thought of getting married. Please know that some man has always been around in my vision game but he has never been a well formed vision for who he is or how I would like him to be.

This is the fun part of the game because it’s a moment in time to dream of the possibility of something else. You may love your life as it is right now but honestly no one is 100% completely settled with the life they have now. Even Jeff Bezos changed his life; no offense to his ex-wife and family. I am not saying divorce your partner or leave your family, what I am saying is that it is okay to envision a life different from the one you already live sometimes. I cannot stress enough how fun it is and enlightening. You can dream as big or as small as you want. Some of the things that you dream you may realize like I did that you can actually do them with no harm to anyone.

In writing this piece I have publicly vented the life I have always and even more so today wanted to live. People have asked me for the past three years what do I want, what do I want to do, or where do I see myself? I always either said I didn’t know or I couldn’t see my future as I used to but I was lying. I was too afraid to share my vision because I thought they would disprove or question the reality of it. Meanwhile I was surrounded by people living their lives the way they wanted with no regard to how it was or would affect me. For the very first time I have envisioned a life for myself that is possible and I am not seeking anyone’s input, opinion, or perception of what they think about it. My stomach isn’t queasy, I don’t feel overwhelmed, and the tingling of feeling being hopeful or the start of new venture is coming on. I am so grateful and appreciative of having a platform where I can express and voice the vision of my life. I hope that others are inspired to vocalize (no pun intended) what they dream or envision their lives to be no matter their age or gender. Oh and please don’t Jeff Bezos your significant other unless you are truly unhappy and KNOW it is the best decision for you.

advice
Nikki Higgins
Nikki Higgins
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