The Fallacy of Power

We were all standing around in a circle holding hands about to close out our self help meeting and suddenly I saw the pillar in the center of the room in a new light. I thought about how we all gather around this wood pillar as if it is symbolic. I thought about the guy who does karate chops and kicks on it. I realized how supportive that pillar is and how it allows the upstairs people to live in their apartments and keep us below safe from them falling on top of it. I realized I wanted to have the strength of that pillar.

Power and strength, while meaning the same thing in weightlifting terms, takes on two quite different meanings in other context. A hurricane, an earthquake, a tsunami all come to mind when I think of power. And what they all have in common is that they are all destructive examples of power. People seem to all clamor for power, it is glamorized, but as we all know, having power is not always used for good. I used to buy into the concept, haven't we all? I used to think it would be great to have so much power.

The ability to control things, the ability to do whatever I want to do, the ability to just always have things my way that seemed like such an ideal thing to have. I have always had other people tell me what to do. At work, my bosses give the orders and I execute them. At home, my wife tells me to do the dishes or feed the dog and I do. Heck, for most of my life I was always the guy when a group of friends went out who would always just go with the flow. You want Chinese food, ok, I can deal with that; you want Mexican food, okay let's go. I just didn't have any power. I was always just the guy who did what other people wanted to do. No power at all.

Ask twenty people whether they fashion themselves as a leader or a follower and see what they say. Everybody thinks they are some sort of leader, even those who clearly aren't. People just aren't comfortable with the idea of being a follower. They think it has some sort of negative connotation to it. They think it makes you weak to be a follower. Well yes, being a follower does mean you lack power but what we don't tune into is the difference between power and strength.

At the risk of sounding like a martyr, I will admit that I have watched all five of the Twilight movies with my wife. When the first one came out, she was very excited about it and asked me to go see it with her. I playfully bitched about it because I knew I was taking one for the team. I figured it was two hours of my life I was not getting back. I would just have to endure this for her sake. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut but I admitted to actually liking the first movie. This, of course, led me to being asked to watch the second movie which I agreed to and this time I kind of hated it. I mean first world problems, right? You got two hot guys who want you ah poor me. Anyhow when the third one came out the logic my wife gave me was "well you watched the first two you have to see the third one." This went on and on until I watched all five. And honestly, I liked 4 of the 5 films. So now I know all about Bella and Jacob and Edward and if I have to pick a side, I am team Edward. If Jacob were a regular dog and not a wolf—like if he were a Doberman—I might be swayed to root for him but I am not a wolf guy.

I could give hundreds of more examples of when I decided it was best to go along rather than fight because things were not going my way. And often I end up enjoying myself. I have the ability to adapt when things aren't going my way, I have the ability to be a team player and think of others and I just don't tolerate a situation I enjoy it usually. I have the ability to be there for other people and think of my relationship with them rather than just think about what it is that I want. That is what I mean by strength. Strength is the ability to take whatever life throws at you and to still stand tall like the pillar. Strength is the ability to be supportive of your friends, your family, your wife, even a stranger who asks for some cash.

I realized I don't want power. Power can be used for bad. It can be destructive like an earthquake or hurricane. I want strength. I want to be the pillar. There for other people. I want the ability to endure life's hardships and still stand strong. I don't want to be the hurricane which destroys everything because I have the power to do so. Using your power when you are upset or just out of selfishness is not strength. If 5 people want to go out to eat and everybody wants the worst fast food joint in town, I can protest, I can cause a disturbance, getting everybody upset and start bitching and yelling and possibly get my way. But what good does that do in the long term? Yeah, I may get the food I want but at what cost? People are going to stop inviting me to go with them if I am always a jerk. And why should I put myself over the 4 other people who like that crappy fast food joint? I would rather just go along and find something I can enjoy, make the best of it, and make life easier for others. That is strength.