The Dedication

A dedication to me, is to the people who shaped the story, who are the unsung heroes that you can't explain to everyone else why they are so important, but you have to make sure that they know someone sees them, hears them and they have become not NPC's in the video game of life but trusted allies and family. Family is not something we are born with- born to yes. Those people are forced to be your caretaker even if they don't want to be and as you grow older they often like in my case simply disappear. I had always had unconvential family. My own "Ohana." From Path, to Twitter, to LinkedIn, they were people who even without access to them I can never forget and were not the supporting cast in my life story but my heroes, my avengers, my angels.

To Chris , he will always get a bestie status. His encouragement to write MY story, not the story that Chatham County, Ga wants to write, from a former United States Marine, and former police officer thousands of miles away, who always has a moment to encourage and who sent me HIS story reminded me I am always a white cloud but never to be afraid to partner up with a "shit magnet" ( his words not mine), that he isn't. The only former police officer to treat me like I am family since May 2019. The adopted daughter of a former NYPD detective, an ex-Navy Seal, who Daddy would love like I do, he reminds me when I am scared to death I matter in the world even if he can't fix what has been done to me by the law enforcement in Georgia.

To him, remember life is not out of our control, and surviving it is the wrong word- we thrive because of it, in spite of it with our tribe, being there for them, sharing in the wins and the losses, never leaving any ohana behind or alone or unsupported in the best or worst moments of their life.

To Aurora- Your grandpa loves you.Don't ever forget that. You always have family..for two reasons, you are a police officer's flesh and blood, and he was a Marine. That means you have police, firefighter, sheriff, state trooper, Marine, Airforce, Coast Guard, Navy and Army family wherever you may find yourself.. you will never have to look for family..we all are your family. Your grandfather literally saves me even when he isn't around. He is like a bestie prince charming with a Superman and White Knight complex. Someday he will tell you his story, and someday he will know how his story merged into mine and became the story of how I was able to get justice for everything that hasn't been done, in the last three years.

To Kevin G. In 2018, our stories merged and are still intertwined, in that my fate and yours despite your silence the last few years, were intertwined the moment we joked about whose movie would be better. Sadly, mine has more pitfalls, but I still wish you would reach out so I could tell you that your story isn't just Black Sheep, White Cop. There is another story of justice on a grand scale, of not redemption but the final chapters of the hold Chatham County, Ga lords over people, of a clearing of the corruptness that plagues not only Savannah PD, but Pooler PD, Brookhaven PD, Brunswick PD, Chatham County Sheriff's department and so many more agencies if AUSA Knoche had done the right thing almost two years ago like he did for you, for me. Had he asked how it all fit together he could have rid those departments and Chatham County of the villains even IA will not investigate. He could have been a hero, instead of another silent echo of corruption. I miss you my friend. I miss the voice on the other end of the line reassuring me I was not a victim. I finally strung it all together. We could save everyone from the fate Savannah and Chatham County have written.

To Rich, Words can be never tell you how grateful I am for you. You took a woman who was literally on the verge of death, who couldn't even protect herself, in so much physical pain she wouldn't have survived anymore abuse, gave her a place to heal from all that had destroyed her, beaten her down and let me regain my footing. It has been an adventure, a long year but to have someone by my side who stuck around while no one else has, reminded me the warrior princess I always was. You may not have been able to give me back everything that has been taken from me, denied me or fix what they broke but you have kept me safe, fed and reminded me what it is like to have a best friend again. The fact you put up with me for even a minute speaks to either how stubborn you are, what a good heart you have, or both. I am going with both. Had anyone else listened and seen past the physical damage the way you did this story might not be being written.. someone finally gave me a chance to do that. I know I have my crazy moments, please know it is not a result of what you have done, but being scared for this baby and myself. The protectors somehow became monsters willing to sacrifice a human life. Like former FBI Agent John Douglas- I try to remember I am not one of them and I will not become them.

To "Gus" - Many years ago you trained a Juvenile Probation Officer. almost 17 years ago. Had you not been the FTO you were, I would have been dead at the hands of our own 2.5 years ago. For you I persist in trying to hold those that dishonor you accountable for what they did to one of their own. LASD lost a hero when you moved, Arizona gained a hero.

"Chief" A Revering- You were the first Chief of Police I ever met and that you were in my life, and a coworker and friend I am better for it. As I sit here, scared and pregnant, I remember your grandfatherly way. I would love for this baby to know you and your story. God willing I will be able to tell he/she about you if we can find a place in this world that welcomes us. Where Ga Police Chiefs have ignored me trying to get justice, you are the standard.

To Officer D, Glasser and his wife Kristin, Agent K. Collins his wife Penny, Deputy N. Dixon and his wife your department dishonors you when deputies like Trey, have failed to help one of your own, as the Georgia Gang Investigators Association has every time failed one of it's own. Firefighter C. Patterson and his wife Alyssa, my once friend a firefighter wife herself, Jennifer Greene, set what happen to me financially in motion, and each time I saw her, at the Pooler Starbucks, Publix, and St. Joe's hospital she did not help her friend. I was a firefighter's girlfriend, an ex Marine that wanted me to be his wife, had I not moved to Georgia. Your love story transcends his death. Ella French with the Chicago Pd- I grieve with your family as an adopted daughter of an NYPD officer. You are remembered. Special Agent L. Schwartzenburger, I was the girlfriend of an FBI agent, and one became my very good friend. Had I not been failed by Special Agents in Atlanta, Savannah and Gainesville, I would have carried your legacy. The child I am carrying I still consider naming after you. If we survive what they have failed to do. I would have been proud to serve beside you had a paperwork snafu in 2015 prevented me from. The ones that dishonor you are why I persist in trying to have them held accountable. You are never forgotten.

To my Ella and Jacob, mommy will find you. We have been separated so long for no reason but the inaction of the Pooler PD department. I had a plan for us to get somewhere safe. Sadly, all of those people have failed me even the man who loved you. We are always together. Every night I tell you goodnight, I know you can't hear me but know Pooler PD and Chatham County had no right to take you away. You were and always are my family. Had anyone listened we would not have spent over two years apart with no end in sight. You may just be cats to the world, but you are my furbabies and being without you is the worst thing Chatham County ever did. Had I been able to get to anyone who cared about us you would be meeting a little bundle of joy in 7 months. All the people who loved you and mom, abandoned us. We are still family and pray every day you remember me. Had someone taken their children from them for as long, they would know the pain I feel every day.

We are all superheroes. In a world where there is so much evil done by people who could do good, it is only when each of us remember that there is strength in numbers, and only when good people stand up does is evil undone and the world made a safe place.

While Norman Schwarzkopf didn't say it apparently it has aptly been attributed to him and to paraphrase and it is about how I feel about Chatham County, Ga , the Brookhaven PD and Brunswick PD with a few South Carolina ones, a bunch of , nurses, lawyers, judges and case managers, non profits and a lot of civilians I once considered friends and mentors, and family mentioned by the reasons why if they had bothered to return a text, email, phone call or help me, and in a life not so long ago would be. It is not my job to forgive anyone, even God wouldn't do that, it is just my job to deliver them for judgement before a court of their peers.

A lot of words for the beginning of a story I never wanted to write. I was content writing motions and filing legal paperwork protecting every first responder from having to go through what I have and that no one but me can undo for you. I can't do it without the litigation, but Chatham County, Ga has taken even that. I was sexually assaulted almost 3 years ago protecting the jobs of people who refuse to help me, who have let me be victimized since May 2019. To each of you, I am ashamed of you. Every EMT and police officer who has allowed rape among other felonies to go unpunished and has made themselves not witnesses but legally a criminal, you are not family. Family does not leave family in the street, threaten to arrest, allow family to be sexually battered, threaten over and over again or refuse to do their job. Each of you along with the people who walked away when I need them, who have no place with a badge are the reason I am where I am. This dedication should have read much different, but I can not dedicate a story to villians who belong in jail. This not a story about redemption, it is a story about how each of you broke someone that was your best advocate. Who would have had your back had you done the right thing. When the bad outnumber the good, then it is merely just a cautionary tale about what happens when even Police Chiefs look the other way while their officers become criminals, and simply are the problem themselves. There is no explanation for what they did, for what has gone unpunished. It happened and there needs to be more than apologizes, there needs to be someone stepping up. To the fathers involved, if it was your daughter, and someone went to them seeking help and was a police officer, and you told them to "Go Sleep on a Bench" or dumped them in front of a CVS in the middle of the night in severe pain, you did this to one of your own. You created a trauma so deep in one of your own, even thinking about returning to entire counties scares me. When those that should protect and serve, abuse their power and hurt one of their own, you don't deserve a badge. Your Mayors and Police Chiefs letting you carry a badge is a dishonor to us all, You belong in prison right next to the criminals you arrest. It might kill me but you can not silence the truth. The truth is you are worse than any virus, you are the reason one of your own is afraid of even ever reporting a crime. You are a disgrace. Your story will be told so that you will be shunned in your communities. As you deserve since your Chiefs do not think that your criminal actions deserve even a word to the victim. Many many years ago driving home from a long shift at work I had a sheriff deputy pull me over, dump out my Arizona Ice tea and do an illegal search of my car without probable cause. Within a week, without a threat of a lawsuit merely a phone call, I received a letter of apology from not only the deputies boss, but the sheriff. That Chief Brown, Chief Parrish, Chief Yandura , Chief Minter, Sheriff Wilcher is how we handle officers behaving badly, we do not ignore the person reporting illegal behavior of officers for over two years. Former Savannah Police Chief Joseph Lumpkin may not remember me, but I clearly remember meeting him in Savannah in October 2015, an email commending his officers he sent to his command staff in April 2016..He was the standard until he too turned silent. Your former officers dishonor you. I always respected the way you did what you thought was best. Sadly, they still tarnish everything you tried to fix Savannah PD, by refusing to hold accountable the officers who literally threatened and allowed people who victimized one of their own, have endangered the public by leaving a sexual batterer on the street and the command staff refusing to even return an email for over 2 years. I remember the accountability you held your officers to, over a wrongly served warrant. They will not do that over officer after officer threatening me, refusing to even help me make a police report. There is no way to understand they will fire officers over social media posts but they will not even investigate them over criminal offenses committed against the woman who was their colleague, supporter , friend and was raped protecting their public employee rights.

In spite of it all, the still occurring threats that no one will do anything about it doesn't change the facts. Facts speak for themselves. The victim becomes the survivor and can not be silenced. If you break the thin blue line, the thin red line, the thin yellow line, the military line, the federal law enforcement line, the hippocatic oath- those that are good do not stand with you, they stand with the survivor who persists in holding on to to make sure that it can not be done to anyone else, they stand with those that are brave enough to not be the people you are. When you dishonor our family, you do not have family. God help you because you will never be part of the family that seeks to defend the abused and protect the truth. Those that serve with dignity and honor are disgraced by your behavior and to disgrace the true protectors is a crime even God himself would never grant you absolution for,