The Day I Realised I Was an Adult

University is a daunting place. It’s fun, exhilarating, manic, and basically bat-shit crazy most of the time. But its an isolating and cold place to be for anyone, regardless of how much you party, drink, get high, or even how many people you talk to on a regular basis. For the first time in any student's life, they’re painfully alone. It’s a terrifying realisation and sure enough when it finally hit you, it really is like running into a wall at 500 km/h. It stops you dead in your tracks, and suddenly this slow but gradual rise of fear and anxiety builds up, like a slowly flooding room.

That was my experience of university during my first year. It was like an annoying thought in the back of your head when your trying to remember something you have forgotten. Except all it was repeating was, “You’re alone.” Not in some existential way, but a more literal way. I was LITERALLY alone. My family was on the other side of the planet, my closest friends were even further across the planet. My friends whom I went to school with in India were scattered like autumn leaves across the world. Even though I had some extended family a few hours north from where I attended university, it still felt like I was well and truly alone.

It’s ironic. Painfully so. I always had this perspective regarding myself that I never needed anyone. I thought I could be dropped off in the middle of nowhere and live perfectly fine for the rest of my life. Turns out I’m just a cocky idiot. I’m more human than I thought. I suppose you never realise how much you really rely upon the people around you until they’re gone. I think the day I really came to grip with that fact, was the day I like to think I became an adult. No one was going to help me with my emotional bullshit or tell me that they have my back in an argument. From that day forth I had to deal with my bullshit myself and walk into an argument with the conviction that I was right.

I know it sounds a lot like maladaptive behaviour, and that all people need interpersonal relationships to connect with others an retain some sense of sanity, and that’s very true. But it doesn’t mean I or anyone else should dump their problems on to other people. At some point too, we all need to realise we’re alone—figuratively and literally.

So, from one former fresher to the many others who will walk into university for the years to come. Be ready to grow up. Be comfortable with yourself. Be independent and strong enough to deal with whatever comes at you. But don’t be naïve enough into finding the solutions to your problems in the bottom of a pint, a line on a urinal or a blunt in your garden. You are your own solution even if that means getting real help from another person, have a little faith in yourself and trust the process. You will come out a more rounded person because of it. An adult.

I promise.

Side Note—Completely disregard this entire piece if the issues you face are direr than some interpersonal drama, general loneliness, or isolation. If the issues you are facing are suicidal thoughts, substance abuse or other forms of other clinical maladaptive behaviour, do not be afraid to speak out. In these cases, talking to someone will help you far better than letting the issue build up within your psyche. Even if they can’t directly help you, they can notify someone who can.

Asking for help, is by no means a bad thing and knowing when to is a good sign of maturity and showing yourself and others that you are an independent adult.